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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding stuff

24 replies

splishandsplash · 29/01/2019 13:53

I'm getting married in 18 months, my bridesmaid all knew they were going to be bridesmaids but I did an official ask for them which was just a candle some chocolates and an alcoholic drink they like... I was due to see my sister in law on Saturday night so I gave her the bits first and she posted it on Instagram.. my actual sister got really annoyed and kicked off saying if I can't ask her first maybe she doesn't want to be bridesmaid anymore? She thinks it's rude and is really upset as she is my only blood sister why I didn't give her the bits to her first (I literally gave her hers the morning after as I was due to be spending Sunday with her?)
Aibu for not going out of my way and asking her first or for not waiting and asking her first then waiting to ask my other 4 bridesmaids?! I feel like me doing it when I saw them as I knew I was seeing 4 out of 5 within 24 hours was a good idea?

OP posts:

Didntwanttochangemyname · 29/01/2019 14:39

Oh god she sounds like she's going to be really hard work, you sure you want her as a bridesmaid!?

EmUntitled · 29/01/2019 14:50

If she doesn't want to be your bridesmaid because you and someone else 24 hours before, you're better off without her.

It sounds like she will be trying to emotionally manipulate yoy the whole tune
"If you can't pick a colour I like, I don't know if i want to be your bridesmaid anymore!"
"If I have to do my own makeup, I don't know if i want to be your bridesmaid anymore!"
"If I don't get to walk Doreen the aisle first, I don't know if i want to be your bridesmaid anymore!"

Save yourself the hassle!

Original poster

splishandsplash · 29/01/2019 15:37

After the way she reacted I'm not sure I want her as my bridesmaid as I know she is going to be hard work.. but she is my sister... so I feel I should give her another chance although...

I literally had a budget in mind for a cake, in which my cake maker has said I could only really have one style for that price but my sister has kicked off saying that's the style she wants when she gets married so I'm not allowed it.. (she is 18 and not even engaged yet)
I feel like this is going to be hard work and my anxiety is through the roof already.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 29/01/2019 15:39

Tell your sister she's not bridesmaid anymore. Have the cake you want. Don't take any shit

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 29/01/2019 15:40

Your sister sounds like a Bridesmaidzilla

SittingAround1 · 29/01/2019 15:45

You need to tell your sister to chill out or she won't be your bridesmaid anymore.
No one can reserve a cake style. Who cares if you have the same cake anyway.

Charlie97 · 29/01/2019 15:46

She sounds a total nightmare, but is this now a "thing" gifts when you ask someone to be a bridesmaid?

baubled · 29/01/2019 15:50

Don't pander to any of her shit otherwise it will just get worse. Tell her straight from the very outset and every.single.time she kicks off after that.

Ladyoftheloch · 29/01/2019 16:03

She sounds like a total pain in the ass. I would be laying down some ground rules now and letting her know that if she’s going to be a drama-seeking nightmare about it you will have no qualms about ditching her and saving yourself the stress.

Original poster

splishandsplash · 29/01/2019 18:22

@charlie it is a thing now.. well certainly is within my friendship circles

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable.. I felt like I was over reacting

OP posts:

Huggingslothsallday · 29/01/2019 18:26

Over the cake- tell her tough luck she’s not the one getting married if she ever does!

DanglyBangly · 29/01/2019 18:51

It’s going to be a long, hard road to your wedding day if she’s going to be like this. Stand up to her now or she will ruin the entire experience for you.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 29/01/2019 18:58

The cake thing is even worse! (Aren't all wedding cakes basically the same anyway?) Definitely stand up to her, you don't have time for all this shit.

StoneofDestiny · 29/01/2019 19:04

When did getting married get to be so full of histrionics? Never used to be this complicated and costly.

SilverySurfer · 29/01/2019 19:19

I wouldn't put up with this from anybody, sister or not. Tell her to grow up or she will no longer be a bridesmaid.

As for the cake issue - I watched Say Yes to the Dress when two sisters were on. The younger one told her sister, if you pick the wedding dress I want for my wedding I will not go to the wedding. She didn't even have a boyfriend! Tell her straight you will have whatever cake you want.

Ridiculous and childish behaviour.

Celticrose · 29/01/2019 19:24

This

Saw this episode it was unbelievable.

ShalomJackie · 29/01/2019 19:25

An 18 year old already knows what style cake she wants - how sad!

Have what you want. Sack her as brideamaid! By the time she gets married there will be another fashion!

soupey1 · 29/01/2019 19:30

I’m sorry but whilst I agree she is being unreasonable about the cake, as your only blood sister she should have been asked first so I can understand her being upset about that.

Romanov · 29/01/2019 19:33

oh for goodness sake! how childish

( anyone got a link or more info on the SYTTD ep?)

Romanov · 29/01/2019 19:34

My actual sister got really annoyed and kicked off saying if I can't ask her first maybe she doesn't want to be bridesmaid anymore? She thinks it's rude and is really upset as she is my only blood sister why I didn't give her the bits to her first (I literally gave her hers the morning after as I was due to be spending Sunday with her?)

there you go then, you dont have to worry, she doesnt want to be your bridesmaid

and have the cake YOU!!! want

Bringbackthestripes · 29/01/2019 19:35

I think I would be a bit hurt in her shoes tbh.
However, she is BVU about the cake.

Original poster

splishandsplash · 11/02/2019 15:03

Just as a little update... my sister tried to continue to act normal with me but then a week later decided to rant at me by text that I'm being rude and she doesn't want to come my wedding now because I didn't ask her specifically then to be maid of honour (she will be MOH but I don't want her to know that yet as it almost seems like handing her power)
So apparently it's not because I asked my future SIL First it's because I didn't ask her to be MOH and her boyfriends sister (who she has known 6 months) has asked her to be a bridesmaid so apparently she has been a better sister?
Aibu to think she is just trying to start argument so she doesn't feel bad about wanting to go to the other wedding?

OP posts:

Knittedfairies · 11/02/2019 16:06

Way too much drama. If she stamps her feet again, tell her she can't even be the flower girl because you expect better behaviour from her.

Merryoldgoat · 11/02/2019 16:12

Seriously - tell her to fuck off.

My sister didn’t come to my wedding because of some nonsense. I told her ‘no problem’ and had a lovely day and it’s her who’s gutted when she looks at the pictures of everyone having a fabulous time.

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