To ask what you'd do? (Mat leave)

[stuckinarut2019]

Due to finish work in 5 weeks, had quite a lot of time off work already as I had/have HG.

The last few days the vomiting has came back with a bang and I've got SPD which to be honest is just making my life impossible. Everything hurts, even turning in bed is agony - so running to the bathroom all day is hell on Earth.

I've called in sick again today and to be honest I know work are getting wound up with me now, and I understand why. It must be annoying. But I honestly couldn't have done an hour journey in a car nor sat at my desk all day (I know I shouldn't moan about being sat down all day, some people have it much worse!).

I don't actually want to go off early because when I was off for 4 weeks with HG I actually found it quite depressing, but the reality is, I don't think I physically or mentally can do another 5 weeks of this 😰 what would you do?

FWIW, things aren't good with my (ex)partner so I don't really have any real life support - although credit to the physios they've been so kind and helpful.

You need to look after yourself, and if that means more time off of work then so be it. Hopefully you are getting paid sick leave? It is only a small portion of a working career so try not to feel bad about it; be aware that they can trigger maternity leave early if you are off sick with a pregnancy related illness a certain amount of weeks before your due date.

I think you probably need to prepare to finish. I had SPD and sitting at my desk was agony. I think if you’re off with pregnancy related illness at this stage they can ask you to start mat leave early.
The best thing to do is plan how to make it less depressing. Any groups you can join to make friends and get support?
Poor you though, sounds rotten.

You need to take care of yourself. I understand totally how you feel and I really regret not taking time off in my last pregnancy. I was too worried about work and what they would think of me. Please listen to your body and mind yourself

I'm only 29 weeks and was planning to leave at 34. I believe they trigger maternity leave at 36 if you're off sick?

Thanks very much for replying, I think I needed some reassurance I wasn't being a drama queen. I always feel like I'm the worst pregnant person in the world, I've really struggled with this pregnancy and don't get me wrong I'm so excited to meet my baby, but yeah, pregnancy is much harder than I ever would have thought. (I'm sorry if I sound ungrateful).

You need to prioritise staying well so you have energy for your baby. I say this as someone who planned to work right to the end but ended up going early due to sick leave. That's the advice everyone kept giving me. I'm a first time mum so I just trusted in them. It is boring bring off though if you're someone who likes to be busy. Im nearly due now so not up to much
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Can you do things from home so that you don't need to commute?

I think you should get your head around finishing soon - isn't there a point at which you automatically start mat leave if you're off sick? 36 weeks? Maybe I'm making that up.

Im in a similar position, although now been off 5 weeks, I keep hoping to get back before I start my Mat leave in 3 weeks, but even my manager is saying to think carefully about it as going back may flare things up again. Still not decided what to do yet. I'm glad I've had this time off sick though, looking back wish I'd taken more sick leave and not pushed myself so much through all the sickness as I'm not completely exhausted for the first time since 5 weeks.

I think I'm going to try and go in tomorrow and speak with my manager. If I'm honest, my head isn't in it. Normally if I'd be off work or even on holiday I'd be checking my emails and trying to keep on top of things. But I just want to lie in bed and rest now and let the next few weeks go by until I meet my little one.

I've just met with the health visitor and she advised me to get signed off. She said she can see I'm not doing so good :(

You need to take the advice of the medical professionals and if they want you to be signed off then do that. Do you have any AL you could take to get you towards ML a bit earlier?

FYI, my work's maternity policy is to start maternity leave if you are off for illness within 4 weeks of the due date.

I'm feeling pretty terrible right now too. My head is not in my work at all, I can't concentrate and have no motivation, and I have already spent 6 hours out of the office in medical appointments in the last 2 days. Can't afford to leave work now though, so I will just have to keep turning up and trying my best. Luckily I'm not in any significant discomfort - feel really bad for you OP!

FYI, my work's maternity policy is to start maternity leave if you are off for illness within 4 weeks of the due date.

Not just your employer. That’s the law.

If your employer offers paid sick leave, then I’d suggest getting signed off work and try to get some rest at home. It’s awful when you feel guilty about it but it doesn’t sound like you are able to work at the moment, and that’s what the sick leave policy is there for.

You could use annual leave for latter weeks, or could you talk to your manager about potentially working from home, or reducing your hours either unpaid or using annual leave for the remaining hours?

In the sector I work in, being signed off sick during pregnancy would not affect my future employment or references, and my employer would pay me, so I would be sick.

No annual leave left, I've spoken to the GP and they want to see me face to face tomorrow but she said she thinks it sounds like I could do with going off.

I think my work are going to go ape though.

Bump.

I had SPD. I had a week off with it when I was around 30 weeks, tried to go back and was in agony. I couldn't walk for longer than a couple of minutes without crying.

GP signed me off the next day at 31 weeks and my mat leave kicked in early at 36 weeks, which was only a week earlier than I was intending anyway.

You need to take care of yourself OP! Use the time to prepare for the baby arriving and get some rest!

@Owwlie thanks for your message. Did your GP sign you off for the rest of the pregnancy at 31 weeks then? I'm due to go on Mat leave at 34 so would only need signing off for 4 weeks. I'm really struggling, lay in bed with ice down there and just want some sleep 😭

Don’t worry about work, just worry about yourself. If you need to finish now, then so be it. Better then being in work and calling in sick more days a week then you in.

Yeah they signed me off until the day after I had intended to go on maternity leave. I didn't want to do that originally and was intending to have another week and try again but the GP and midwife were both against it as I'd done that the week before and had been in agony. And as I'd already tried physio there wasn't much more they could do, they're obviously reluctant to give higher strength painkillers during pregnancy. I was at the point where I was struggling to get out of bed without help, so I wouldn't have been much use at work anyway.

You need to take it easy, SPD is horrible. Work will just have to cope, it's not fair for you to be there in pain. And it's pregnancy related sickness so it doesn't show on a sickness record the same way that ordinary sickness does (as in it's on my record, but can't be counted as sick days).

The good news is that within a few days of giving birth the pain had completely gone. I had slight aches when I walked too far in the few months after but that stopped as well.

I definitely need to finish, I'm here today and really struggling.

I just can't shake the feeling that I'm a terrible person if I leave early 😩