When being teary after having a baby becomes not normal

[CustardCreamLover]

I had my baby boy just over a week ago by emergency c section, he was 5 weeks early and we're still in hospital. I've been here for 10 days (was admitted before he was born).
I'm crying a lot. Sometimes because I'm upset and sometimes because I'm happy and sometimes because this is all just so overwhelming.
I rang my husband up in tears last night because I couldn't get our baby to eat anything. He has jaundice and he needs to eat to help get over it and then we can go home. My husband told me that new mothers shouldn't cry as much as I am. He says it's not normal.
I've not been in my own home for 10 days, I've had major surgery, I've got not support most of the time, my ban was early because I didn't have enough amniotic fluid for him and now I can't feed him properly. I feel like I'm failing him and to have my husband say that to me made me feel even worse.

So am I normal or do I have a problem?

Congratulations on your baby boy!
I stayed in for just a few days with my little one and found it really really difficult to regulate my feelings in hospital- I wasn’t getting any sleep and I was exhausted & very teary! Once I got home I felt much better.
Be honest with the midwives in hospital about how you’re feeling & they’ll support you as much as they can & then the community team will check in when you get to go home (assuming you’re in the UK)
Your DH is most probably worried & feeling a bit helpless- try giving him a list of things he could do / get for you that might make you feel better?!
I hope you get home soon!
Ps- buzz for someone to help you with feeding : that’s why you’re there so ask for the help!

Sorry Op, just seen you’re not in the UK- that’s bound to only add to your feelings!
& for you

"How many times has your husband been a new mother?"

Perfect response! I had a full term vaginal birth and went home the same day and still felt emotional and teary for about 6 weeks.
Make sure you tell your health visitors how you feel when they ask as they will be trained to spot when normal hormonal feelings could be possibly turning into PND. Im no expert but I'd say what you are feeling right now is perfectly normal.

Maybe show you husband this thread?

And congratulations Mama!!! ❤️

This post and your update made me really cross.
The only one “failing” anyone is your husband.

What you are going through sounds horrendous and I cannot imagine that happening inside the uk where I don’t speak the language.

I’d be crying all the time too

You need to tell him to buckle in, get comfy and support you. He should also educate himself.

Thank you lovely ladies. We have been discharged! We're going home! I'm so happy and I haven't even cried!!!!

Yay going home is the best feeling. Still be prepared for a few more tearful days, it’s just hormones! You’ll soon start feeling back to normal once you’ve been home a few days I’m sure.

Poor you. Sounds traumatic! Your husband is so wrong. I hope things improve quickly.

What’s the language? Don’t worry about anonymity, one of us might actually be able to translate your concerns properly and then you can show to a doctor or midwife and get appropriate support. Second pp saying your husband should be much more supportive if he’s so concerned about PND. Not leaving you to it and then throwing it out there like some kind of accusation. BTW yes it’s totally normal, and I was very lucky that someone told me I might get teary in the first couple of weeks, so it wasn’t a big shock. I now tell other people when they ask what to expect, it does help to know what’s in the range of normal. As pp have also said though, PND can start as normal things, so it’s not a case of just ignoring it. Re the breastfeeding, that’s also normal, but you need help quickly to get it established and to help the baby get strong enough to leave the hospital. One of mine just wasn’t going well at all with breastfeeding, and we switched to bottle because the time spent dealing with the breastfeeding issues were causing him to lose weight and so we switched. I have no regrets now, but cried at the moment of switchover. Breastfeeding is lovely, and it’s great to try, but if it’s not going well or for whatever reason, fed is best. Fed is definitely best. Let the pressure slip away from you and allow your own feelings and instincts to rise above it all. Other people’s expectations have to take second place to your needs, and your baby’s needs.

Ah crossed post! Fantastic you’re going home, but please keep up with the thread as and when you can, to stay connected with support, especially as you’re in another country with language barrier etc. Don’t let yourself become isolated. Take good care of yourself!

Thanks ladies. To be fair to my husband he's been fantastic in other aspects, mainly the bits where he can physically do something like get me food and clothes for the baby etc. Also because he was a surprise delivery we had nothing ready. The day he was born was the day our pushchair system came but we had nothing else and he's gone and bought the bed, changing station, clothes, nappies everything we need. It's just the emotional support he's lacking a bit in. He's been here everyday. Visiting hours are just 12.30-7 so it's hard to speak about anything other than how te baby is doing and if we're ready at home.
I hope that now were released things will get better. I know other mums who fortunately speak good English so hopefully we won't be isolated!!

So pleased you are going home. If you are still breastfeeding lots of skin to skin is helpful. If you can tolerate it with your stitches. Get into bed with whatever you need around you. Husband too and just be together for a while. Tell everyone you're having a bit of quiet time and get to know each other in your new role as a family.
Huge congratulations xxx