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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no to this man?

27 replies

marymarkle · 29/01/2019 00:23

I was in St Pancras Station and a man came up to me begging for money for a fare to a hospital. He said he was going there to get treatment for his leg and pulled up his trouser leg to show the most horrific leg ulcer that had eaten away part of his leg.

He was probably in his thirties, maybe even younger. I did not give him any money as I thought (maybe wrongly) that the leg ulcer was probably caused by injecting drugs and that any money I gave him was more likely to be spent on drugs.

But I keep thinking about him and wondering if I did the right thing?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2019 00:26

If I could. Have afforded it I might have offered to pay for the cab? But rightly or wrongly I can see why you'd be reticent to give him money and believe he'd use it for such. It's unlikely that only opened up tonight,

Celebelly · 29/01/2019 00:29

You did the right thing. I doubt whether he would have used that money for travel; it's probably part of his shtick that he does to travellers at the station.

Giving money direct to beggars is very often not a good idea, for various reasons, even though it's hard sometimes to say no.

Bananalanacake · 29/01/2019 00:29

But there's a big hospital down the road from st Pancras. If he could walk up to you then he should be able to walk there.

PresidentHump · 29/01/2019 00:30

Who cares if he was going to spend it on drugs? I genuinely don't when I give people money - you either give it unconditionally or you don't give it at all. You didn't. You could have offered to buy a ticket/pay a taxi upfront though.

horsemadgal · 29/01/2019 00:32

I'm sure someone else posted about the same thing happening to them recently. Typically I can't find it.

pompomcat · 29/01/2019 00:36

There is a guy in Leeds who does similar and is very aggressive -
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/Leeds/comments/9frvzt/homelessmannwithgruesomelookingglegaskingg_for/#ampf=undefined

YANBU OP if you felt threatened / that you were being taken advantage of.

FortunesFave · 29/01/2019 00:37

It's very sad but I'm sure the ulcer is something he's living with due to addiction and that he's found it a useful way to get some cash for a hit. My Mum gives anyway because she says she can't stand people being in need...and it's their choice what they spend it on but you're within your rights to refuse.

Justaboy · 29/01/2019 00:49

Don't some people in India and similar places chop of a part off their limbs and then go out begging;?

Original poster
marymarkle · 29/01/2019 00:49

I know it is up to people what they spend their money on. I didn't feel threatened, I just didn't want my money to pay for drugs. Neither DP or I are high earners, and I am careful with my money. But will help people genuinely in need.

OP posts:
WTFIsAGleepglorp · 29/01/2019 00:52

We had one like this locally.

A massive injection ulcer that look deep enough to almost see bone.

Using an injury or wound to elicit sympathy is a 'thing'.

PregnantSea · 29/01/2019 00:54

You are under no obligation to give beggars money. Who cares what they would or wouldn't use it for, it's your choice.

Sometimes I give money and sometimes I don't. Really depends on the situation and whether I happen to have some change.

If you feel guilty I would recommend giving to homeless charities either with money or your time. That way you know you are truly helping those who need it.

Beeziekn33ze · 29/01/2019 00:58

'Lady begging on the tube' is a similar current thread.

HappyGoLuckyGo · 29/01/2019 00:59

I live in a major city in South America right now and there’s a chap here with a similar thing- horrendous leg condition, just “needs some money to get to his embassy because he’s been robbed” etc... Well, look, he’s been using the same story for 13 years! He appears to be an alcoholic. The embassy even organised a plane ticket to his country of origin, but he refused to get on the flight. Now he pretends to be from a different European country instead...

This is the second thread about feeling guilty for not giving to beggars that I’ve seen tonight. Don’t do it. Support real charities that are accountable and have a clear purpose. Giving cash just enables drugs, alcohol and homelessness.

Original poster
marymarkle · 29/01/2019 01:02

That was my concern, that giving money was just enabling his drug use. Happy to buy Big Issue, and I have sometimes given to beggars.
His leg was horrendous though. He needs help, but I suppose nobody can force an adult to get help.

OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyGo · 29/01/2019 01:10

No, exactly. The guy out here will likely die from his wound- the leg needs to be amputated apparently but he won’t sign the paperwork as he can’t read it (it’s in Spanish). Really sad.

Unfortunately your cash, I’m 99.99999% sure, wouldn’t have helped the man you saw...

cordeliavorkosigan · 29/01/2019 01:25

it's a bit of a classic at train stations, I think. I don't really know what to think when this happens but because it's kind of a known way to get money from people at stations I tend to either give a couple of pounds or not at all.

Bellasorellaa · 29/01/2019 02:38

It is because of drugs and I cannot stand people who encourage these people they are all over London banging on car windows when you’re in traffic it’s fucking scary and idiots encourage them by giving them money

Bellasorellaa · 29/01/2019 02:40

If he needed to get to hospital he could call an ambulance which is what they are there for or nhs 111 from a phone box in the station

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 29/01/2019 02:49

He needed help but regardless what money you gave him it wouldn’t have helped. He will only get medical help if and when he feels ready (if ever). And that medical help can be free for him, asking a stranger to call an ambulance. The money wasn’t for medical help, no one knows how he would have spent it, food, water, alcohol or drugs. But it wouldn’t have helped his condition. You did nothing wrong, continue to donate to homeless shelter so the money is spent on those who want to accept help

PatricksRum · 29/01/2019 04:02

YANBU.
Uclh is about a 5 min drive away. If it was so bad, ambulance would have taken him

PatricksRum · 29/01/2019 04:02

YANBU.
Uclh is about a 5 min drive away. If it was so bad, ambulance would have taken him

PatricksRum · 29/01/2019 04:03

YANBU.
Uclh is about a 5 min drive away. If it was so bad, ambulance would have taken him

JasperKarat · 29/01/2019 05:50

I think you either give the money or don't, no judgement . He's an adult and if he wants to spend it on drugs that's his choice, being Street homeless a lot of people would turn to substances to make it bearable. You can't give with conditions, it's control you're not entitled to and you're also not responsible for the decisions of a stranger.

SnowdropFox · 29/01/2019 05:56

I possibly would have walked him to a ticket machine/bus stop/taxi rank and paid the fair directly. If he refused you'd know he was a chance, if he went then you'd know he was genuine.

TeddyIsaHe · 29/01/2019 05:57

It’s not up to you what adults spend money on. Either give money or don’t. But once that money has left your hand it’s absolutely nothing to do with you what it is spent on.