Workaholic partner

[Jessmama]

Hi all I am new to mums net, I Always looked for advise but only signed up recently ! Anyway I need your opinions! So I feel like my relationship with my SO has just completely taken a nose dive for the last two years - since our gorgeous boy arrived.
I feel so lonely but then selfish and guilty for feeling this way, SO has his own relatively new business and is working over 100 hours a week, I work full time too (luckily shift work so do feel I get to enjoy quality time with DS) anytime SO does set the odd time it’s for us as a family which he knows I love more than anything I love us both enjoying watching our son grow, play and be adventurous but there is literally no time for us as a couple, I often make suggestions of even just tea out when the grandparents offer to have DS but the answer is always no, intimacy is none existent (I get we are both exhausted - but I would like to try keep some form of a healthy relationship) he ends up asleep most nights on the couch and me alone in bed . to me it’s the little things that mean the most, so tonight I come home from a very testing day at work, see to DS and then go to kiss SO but he moves his head - looking at his phone I presume he’s busy with business so I rest my head on his chest and he asks me to get off and why am I doing that, I was shocked and said nothing, then he says right got to go and off he goes to work, I feel so rejected !
I have sat down especially of recent with him to try and explain how I feel and I’m told to ‘stop with the drama,I’m building our future’ that’s when I feel guilty, he’s working hard for us, but whts a future without a present.
All memorie and special occasion are spent just me and DS I have hundreds of happy memories with DS and lots of fun planned but none include our sons daddy and it hurts because DS often asks where daddy is and cries for him often it kills me, I do explain he is busy and working hard but to me all work and no family time isn’t a way to live !
I just feel so lost and lonely And I am lucky to have plenty of friends and family that I keep busy with but I also want a relationship with my SO ! Am I being selfish? Do I just need to crack on with life and stop being ungreatful for a hard working man? What else can I do ?
Honest and open advise welcome! Thanks for taking the time to read my rant !

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having difficulties and are feeling rejected. It’s definitely harder when kids are involved as you feel their emotion too. It sounds like you’re doing a great job making sure that your son has plenty of fun and memories.

Speaking from experience when first starting a business and also when continuing to grow the business a lot of the time it can feel like pushing water up hill. It’s very stressful, and completely different than working for someone else, even at home it’s something that is always thought about. Usually with stress it’s our nearest that gets it. In no way am I excusing his behaviour because although he’s working a lot, there’s no need for him to dismiss you when you’re trying to be honest about your feelings and family life. You still deserve to have a supportive partner irrespective of business. As it is only business.

I think your just going to have to get direct with him. You can be grateful for a man who supports his family, but he must also enjoy his family. Yes he maybe building a future but it doesn’t seem like he is enjoying what you’ve built together so far.

I think readdress it with him, and maybe ask him to compromise on something so that you can at least have a family day/evening doing something. Maybe say that you can I understand and appreciate what he is doing, but you feel x,y,z.

He has got to compromise on this one. Although it will be difficult for him to turn Away from business for a moment, he really will feel the benefits in the long run.

I’m not sure if I’ve given you much help, but good luck!

I currently live this nightmare.
No advice as it falls on deaf ears. Marriage counselling was useless as they're so impressed with hardworking man and woman should be grateful. I'm not grateful. I'm lonely at times and angry at others.

My coping strategy is just booking and doing stuff I want to do and making myself happy. He's not going to change and at least me and dc get to do plenty of things to do. I've reached a state of settled irritation/acceptance. I try not to dwell about it. It's fruitless.

Thank you so much for you reply just getting it Wrote down really helped and feeling listened to, how sad is that x anyway thank you for your advise x

Sorry replied to work thread then ! X
Sorry your living this too it’s sucks ! Here for a chat anytime x

Thanks so much for your wonderful advise really do appreciate it x

it Really works wonders getting things out. I also think it helps when people aren’t necessarily involved In the situation as you can say exactly what you feel.

I hope it works out for you soon ☺️

Thank you , you really are lovely