Complicated relationship

[Coraebs]

I really don’t know where to start. I will try & cut the story short. Been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we have a son together. A few things have happened in the past, which have made me doubt the relationship. Firstly, when we had been together for 6 months - a friend informed me he was on a dating site, at the time he apologised & said he just went on it to see what attention he could get, we moved on from this as we were both young & it was only 6 months in. Though i didn’t trust him from this point onward. Now a year after that, he went on a night out & supposedly slept with some girl. She says it happened, he says ‘I don’t think it did, but I was drunk’. So in my head. He has slept with her, he just doesn’t want to say it. Either way, for some reason i accepted it & we moved on. Then 8 weeks after giving birth to our son, he was messaging one of his work mates (a girl). What bothered me was how he would always call her ugly, or make out he didn’t like her. But then when I found them talking he said ‘we don’t talk..’ then he said ‘we are just work mates’ then that changed to ‘we are good mates’. Now the problem with that situation was the fact I was feeling fragile after giving birth, which is understandable. And also, how he couldn’t just be straight up with to start with? Anyway, we moved on from this (Though, I did trust him even less - just because he couldn’t be honest with me).

Anyway, for the last few months we have been arguing a lot. Sometimes I feel like things will really work out & we will be the perfect family, coz we do get on really well. But then on the other hand, I worry that the relationship is toxic.

Last year we suffered 2 miscarriages, both of which I felt I got 0 support from him. I felt so alone & I was broken, so I spontaneously met up with a man I had never met before - I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to off load onto & someone to listen to me. The day after meeting this guy, I told my other half because I felt terribly guilty for seeing another man. We worked through it & here we are...but this is where it gets very messy...last month, he broke up with me over text. The same day I went out & I stayed at a male friends house, we didn’t sleep together, but we did kiss. I think I was really upset & sort of seeking comfort. Anyway when I came home, my ‘ex’ was acting all normal, as if he hadn’t broke up? So I questioned him, he said ‘we are still together, of course’. I’m guessing he said it for effect, or out of frustration.

Either way, I feel bad for staying around my male friends house, I feel like I should tell him. But I just worry that things between us really will never come back from it.

I think readers may think ‘what the hell, leave the relationship’. I’m aware it sounds toxic, but we are the best of friends at the same time & obviously we have a son together, I would hate to rip our family apart :( Do I tell him about what happened with this other man, or just leave it? :(

Hasn't this been posted elsewhere?

It’s not a complicated relationship, it’s a shit one.

You sound very unhappy, this all sounds like so much drama, and he’s a dick who has cheated on you. LTB.

This will sound harsh but tell him or don’t tell him......... I sort of thing who cares / what difference will it make? This relationship sounds damaging and not very healthy.

Where is your child in all of this OP? You’re staying out all night. He’s breaking up with you...

Actually I don’t think it’s complicated at all. The relationship is a disaster. He says he doesn’t even know if he’s slept with someone else - he’s either lying, which is a bad sign, or gets so drunk that he potentially cheats without realising, which is probably worse. You don’t trust him. You don’t feel supported by him. You’re also being tempted to cheat. Where’s the complication?

You’re not going to be the perfect family. You need to get out now. You may be tied by the child you have, but for God's sake don’t tie yourself to him any further.

Sounds like a terrible relationship. Do each other a favour and call it quits.

If you were really the best of friends you would have been supported after miscarrying. It sounds bloody lonely.

You're trying to convince yourself your fantasy of this relationship is real, but holding onto the fantasy won't change reality.

Picture your life, ten years from now, still like this, although probably more betrayals and hurt added in. What's your gut reaction?

If you need some perspective on what a healthy relationship would have looked like... Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Sounds like a nightmare relationship, you need to open your eyes.

the relationship sounds awful, split up, both of you may find someone to make you happy, it's not healthy what you two are doing to each other. I feel sorry for your child.

What's complicated about a shit relationship with a cheating, unsupportive man? It is what it is.

If he can't remember whether he's slept with other women you are best off getting tested for STDs.

You sound prepared to cheat to so you 2 aren't really friends, are you? You've not got each other's best interests at heart. He's disloyal so now you're going to be the same. That's not friendship.

You're living a rough old life for the sake of a man. He is fickle. You may find he dumps you eventually so all your talk of not ripping family apart for sake of child will be entirely meaningless.

It's a bad relationship model to present to a child too.

I don't know how you can be asked with all this, tbh. If you're staying with him at least do the Freedom Program to give yourself direction.

This is an awful example of a relationship to be showing your child. Fix it properly, with therapy, or leave. This thing of going back and forth like teenagers is damaging for all concerned.