Relationship problems

[Kittkababyxxx]

I really don’t know where to start. I will try & cut the story short. Been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we have a son together. A few things have happened in the past, which have made me doubt the relationship. Firstly, when we had been together for 6 months - a friend informed me he was on a dating site, at the time he apologised & said he just went on it to see what attention he could get, we moved on from this as we were both young & it was only 6 months in. Though i didn’t trust him from this point onward. Now a year after that, he went on a night out & supposedly slept with some girl. She says it happened, he says ‘I don’t think it did, but I was drunk’. So in my head. He has slept with her, he just doesn’t want to say it. Either way, for some reason i accepted it & we moved on. Then 8 weeks after giving birth to our son, he was messaging one of his work mates (a girl). What bothered me was how he would always call her ugly, or make out he didn’t like her. But then when I found them talking he said ‘we don’t talk..’ then he said ‘we are just work mates’ then that changed to ‘we are good mates’. Now the problem with that situation was the fact I was feeling fragile after giving birth, which is understandable. And also, how he couldn’t just be straight up with to start with? Anyway, we moved on from this (Though, I did trust him even less - just because he couldn’t be honest with me).

Anyway, for the last few months we have been arguing a lot. Sometimes I feel like things will really work out & we will be the perfect family, coz we do get on really well. But then on the other hand, I worry that the relationship is toxic.

Last year we suffered 2 miscarriages, both of which I felt I got 0 support from him. I felt so alone & I was broken, so I spontaneously met up with a man I had never met before - I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to off load onto & someone to listen to me. The day after meeting this guy, I told my other half because I felt terribly guilty for seeing another man. We worked through it & here we are...but this is where it gets very messy...last month, he broke up with me over text. The same day I went out & I stayed at a male friends house, we didn’t sleep together, but we did kiss. I think I was really upset & sort of seeking comfort. Anyway when I came home, my ‘ex’ was acting all normal, as if he hadn’t broke up? So I questioned him, he said ‘we are still together, of course’. I’m guessing he said it for effect, or out of frustration.

Either way, I feel bad for staying around my male friends house, I feel like I should tell him. But I just worry that things between us really will never come back from it.

I think readers may think ‘what the hell, leave the relationship’. I’m aware it sounds toxic, but we are the best of friends at the same time & obviously we have a son together, I would hate to rip our family apart :( Do I tell him about what happened with this other man, or just leave it? :(

Ok, so here's the thing - if you don't finish NOW then it's going to happen sooner or later. You are NOT meant to be together, end of, sorry, it really is. So I'd get it over with now and move on. Find someone you can trust and that you respect and that respects and trusts you.
You have neither of those things right now and therefore you don't have any foundations, and without foundations you got nothing.

He is NOT the man you will grow old with.

Tell him now or wait for another reason but it WILL happen.

Good luck x

I can’t believe you stayed and had a child with someone even though they was on a dating site, 6 months officially being with someone doesn’t mean he should have got away with that.
Your relationship literally has so much drama in it and it won’t end. Leave him, it sounds like a very childish relationship.

Where was the child in all this that you can just stay out over night ?
Sounds toxic

This will never be a perfect relationship. OP, it isn’t even an OK relationship. It’s a shitty one where he is unfaithful, unsupportive and clearly doesn’t give a shit about you.

Get rid, and find someone who is actually decent and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Not this faithless asshole.

Wtf put your child first stop fucking about. Literally. You are a parent. Honestly this reads like something off Jeremy Kyle. Where was your baby in all this?! How old are you? Because this reads like you're about 17 so if you're not then stop acting like it.

Exactly what *Nicebudget said

Thanks for your input. I’ve asked for advice, not to be patronised. I put my son first, which is why I try so hard to keep this family together. The look on my sons face when his daddy comes home from work, I feel awful taking that away from him.

Also, no relationship is black & white. Things happen, things get said - good & bad. We do have good days, this is just turned into one big massive mess. Most likely because of the build up of things that have happened.

It’s very easy to sit & judge, when you’re not in that persons shoes. I really hope you’re never in a situation like this yourself.

That message was intended for Nicebudget ^^

Beenherebefore* - Thanks for your comment x

All sorts of wrong with this. Miscarriages are devastating, especially multiples as I know from bitter personal experience. If there's no comfort available from within the relationship that produced those pregnancies then I for one would find it very hard to move past this. They are losses - bereavements - and deserve to be treated as such. No wonder you needed comfort - of any kind - elsewhere.

The second is the game-playing. Dumps you, then behaves as though nothing has happened leaving you guessing as to whether you're still in a relationship or not. This to me is one of the biggest red flags. Child's father or not, playing games like this is emotionally and mentally debilitating. Nobody needs to live their lives playing 'dance-around-the-minefield' to the tune of this kind of thing.

Thirdly, there doesn't seem to be a great deal of trust in the relationship from either side. A need from either side to seek consolation elsewhere - whether physical or emotional - doesn't bode well.

I suspect you know the answer yourself OP, which is why you've posted here. It's not possible to shield your child, or stay in the relationship 'for the sake of the children', if other issues are likely to be more damaging in the long-run. You'll only be putting off the inevitable. My mother, for one, did exactly this and I can tell you that it rarely ends well. You need to take care not to make a choice that places others first at the expense of your own emotional wellbeing. If you do, your child will almost certainly feel the effects of this. Ask yourself: are you happy as you are now?

Good luck whatever you decide.

You have a child together?? Wtaf you are both be having like teenagers.

You're right I would never be in this situation because I'm an adult not a teenager.

I spontaneously met up with a man I had never met before

I don't understand this, how do you spontaneously meet with a man you've never met before?

And was the guy whose house youwent to thr same man or a second man?

OP you seem well capable of having a go at posters so why can't you use your energy towards your man and put your points across to him?

Having a go at women who are aiming to advise you may be a good vent but really it solves nothing does it. So it's pointless.