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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It's a parking one!

21 replies

Parkoff · 28/01/2019 16:05

I'll start this off by saying I don't have a car..... And rarely get visitors that stay more than a few minutes to pick up/drop off me or DC. And I've lived here 2 years.
My house faces a road into the estate, which has a road off it going all the way round and back to the same road that brings you into the estate. Many of the houses have drives, but people still park on the road. It's a public road with double yellows on the first bit on the way in and then none.
There's a takeaway shop next door to me. The takeaway has a sort of driveway area with enough room for at least 2 cars. Then the road from there to the corner in front of my house maybe 4/5 cars. The pavement right outside my gate is wide enough, and often used, for one car in addition to this.
I've never had an issue, or made an issue of anyone parking wherever because it simply doesn't affect me at all not having a car.
I've had two incidents in the last 6 months with neighbours and parking.
The first was the owner of the takeaway, when my dad had parked not directly in front of the shop, but close - the only place to park. There would have been room in front of my house - but the owner of the takeaway was parked there. He told my dad he couldn't park where he had because his customers needed to. He then followed this up by saying it to me, and complaining about me and DC getting dropped off/picked up taking up parking space for his customers. I pointed out that if his car wasn't outside my gate - on the pavement this time with another car next to it on the road, my dad wouldn't have needed to park where he did and we could get picked up/dropped off outside our gate.

Since then the owner hasn't parked his car either on the pavement or on the road outside my place, he parks on the space/driveway next to the shop. Great.
Now the neighbours opposite have just had a right go at my mum for parking opposite their drive, which is outside the takeaway, because they couldn't swing the car into the drive. He was rude and horrible quite honestly, and as far as I know wrong, by telling my mum she couldn't park there because she's causing an obstruction. It's a public road, and being fair the space in front of my place was taken up by another neighbours car, and there was a delivery wagon for the takeaway, so it was the only place to park at that time.
My mum initially apologised and said oh, if it is in the way again just knock on and I'll move it, to which he replied 'No, just don't park there, you're not allowed to because it causes an obstruction'
My mum then told him she'd parked there as there was no where else and that she can park there with it being a public road and not across his driveway, but again said if they'd asked she'd have moved. At this point the wife is yelling 'Go on! Clear off you horrible woman!' several times.
Mum then just said as long as it was legal she'd park where she wants and he needed a smaller car if he couldn't get on his driveway and drove off.
The man put the car on the drive and the woman was bustling about saying what an awful woman - loud enough for me to hear, and so I said politely
"Excuse me, if my mum's car was in the way all you needed to do was ask and it'd have been moved, wouldn't have been a problem"
She replied "Well she's just a horrible woman and shouldn't park there!"
I said "well, there were several cars here and a van and no where else, and she's my mum, and she'd have moved it if she'd known, there's no need for this carry on"
She replied that I know it's their car and should have known that they wanted to be in, I said that my living room is at the back of the house, and kitchen window to the side, so I can't even see the road from my front room or kitchen, so didn't know.
She waved her hands about shouting fair enough! In a sarcastic and mocking type way, and went in.
Now if it were me parking there all the time, or people coming to me, I could understand the reaction, but as already said, I don't have a car and it's very few and far between that anyone associated with me parks here full stop. Other people do park there though and I can see his annoyance, but also see my mum's pov that it's a public road and that it's not her always causing an 'obstruction' to him getting on/off his drive, literally this is the first time in months she's been there, or anywhere along here, for longer than 5 minutes. My mum was here for 2 hours max, I have no idea how long they waited for her to move, but they had parked behind mum's car where the delivery van had been and been watching from their front window.
My mum has now decided that she's going to annoy him on purpose by parking there when she comes to pick up/drop off/visit. She won't listen to reason and the fact I have to live here.
I feel totally stuck! Neighbours pissed off, mother pissed off and neither listening to reason or agreeing that the whole thing could have been avoided by everyone not being stupid about it!

AIBU to just tell them all to get the fuck on with it because the only person in this, getting it from all sides, that doesn't cause a parking problem is me because I don't even have a car!
Honestly it's like a bunch of children!
I never thought I'd have cause to put a parking thread up - I don't even drive!

OP posts:
badlydrawnperson · 28/01/2019 16:23

We need a diagram - properly scaled and probably photos too.

Your Mum may not have been that reasonable parking there "there's nowhere else" is what people used to say when they blocked my friend's driveway - not a good enough excuse, but I know from personal experience if the road is very narrow, parking right opposite a drive is a rotten trick, albeit legal.

They W B U to be such arseholes about it though.

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 28/01/2019 16:28

If your mum is parking legally then she INBU.

Iloveacurry · 28/01/2019 16:34

The thing is if your mother hadn’t parked there, someone else would.

MoreCheeseDear · 28/01/2019 16:41

He could be right. If the road is narrow your mum's car could be classed as causing an obstruction. My DSis was told by a PCSO not to park in such a way as to obstruct the turn into the entrance or exit to the house over the road.

Parkoff · 28/01/2019 16:48

As I don't drive myself it's hard for me to judge about size of car Vs width of road and where my mum was parked. But from a purely 'uneducated' view I would say that he could have got the car in, because the road isn't that narrow, not single track for instance, and cars often park both sides further up and there's enough room for a car to come down the road still.
Another option would have been to turn around and come in from the opposite direction.
Her car was blocking his swing across the road, but he'd have been able to do it the other way I think as she wasn't directly opposite the whole drive.

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 28/01/2019 16:49

Estate roads are always like this, too narrow for on street parking but no actual legal restriction to prevent it. Your mum probably did (unintentionally) make it awkward for them to get into their drive, but they’ve shot themselves in the foot for being so damn rude about it. You would have been willing to move if asked, which is fair.

After the way they spoke to your mum I wouldn’t blame her for parking in same place every time she visited. And I wouldn’t move unless asked very, very politely.

Parkoff · 28/01/2019 17:02

@badlydrawnperson
I shall attempt a diagram, however I am not artistically minded at all!
And photos now would show the delivery driver for the takeaway car - parked in the same spot, but assuming that they don't need to be in/out and not the fact he's 6ft 2 and not a slight woman in her 60s means it's fine to park there.

OP posts:
badlydrawnperson · 28/01/2019 17:05

@Parkoff I only asked for a diagram before someone else does. Sorry :)

Parkoff · 28/01/2019 17:20

@badlydrawnperson

I've NC for this but I've been around long enough to know I should have included a diagram! I hoped my ridiculously long detailed description would be enough because I'm so rubbish at drawing and don't think I'll get the scale remotely right - which is the whole point really, I have problems with judging distance among other things which is why I don't drive I'd be a liability

OP posts:
Parkoff · 28/01/2019 17:32

It's crap...... Sorry 🙈

It's a parking one!
OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 28/01/2019 17:38

The parking issue at this point would be so irrelevant to me - the way she spoke to your mother and to you would focus my attention 😬

littleV58 · 28/01/2019 17:47

@Parkoff we used to have issues in my old road where I used to live and it drove me mad. Someone blocked our entrance to our house and I was 36 weeks pregnant and so worried an ambulance wouldn't get to me if I needed one, so I wrote a really lovely note to the owner of the car explaining this and she went crazy at me. I did call the police on 101 only because I was pregnant but this was before I wrote the note & they said, at the end of the day, she could park on my drive (if we had one) and there's nothing you can do about it! As long as the car is insured and has tax, they can park wherever they like as long as it's not on yellows or private property etc.

It's so horrible when someone is nasty about parking, especially when all it takes is a nice note or a knock on the door asking to move the car. People (like me 😂) get very protective over their spaces

Surfingtheweb · 28/01/2019 17:49

I think you should tell them all you don't have a car so you're not getting involved but if you did have a car living with the parking problems in your area that you wouldn't act like them.
In my old house people could park & make it more difficult for me to get off my drive (as in I didn't have a clear swing & might have to go back & forth a bit) but I just got on with it. The only time I had a problem was when a neighbors mum parked totally across my drive & I went & asked her to move her car as I couldn't get out, she said sorry she was only stopping 5 mins & I said please don't park across my drive again, regardless of how long you will be, I'm sure she could tell she's p-ssed me off but I was still totally polite.
The people in your area seem to think they can bully you & your guests? I'm not 100% sure of the solution but definitely it's not to wind it up or get involved in any shouting & swearing. Good luck, it's obviously a horrible spot to be in.

Nicebudget · 28/01/2019 17:58

"Shes just a horrible woman"

"Fuck off you cunt"

That would have been my response then I probably would have egged their house at the first opportunity. Bit defensive of my mum Blush

Parkoff · 28/01/2019 18:13

@littleV58

I can understand that pov totally, and both myself and mum would have been fine with a polite note or even conversation. I can see his pov but really think that the way the couple were was so awful.
Mum didn't park across their drive, and tbf there would have been enough room for an ambulance, or his car, to have parked on the drop kerb outside his drive without blocking the road. It was just that he couldn't get the swing to get in how he normally does.
I'm just upset because of the way they spoke to me and mum for a start and that now I have an issue with neighbours over an issue I don't even have......

@surfingtheweb

From what I can gather from a conversation this afternoon with another neighbour, the people who lived here before me had this issue too, it's not been an issue before because I don't have a car I assume. I'm a single mum and this is a HA property, in fact most on this estate are, a few have been bought and sold on. There were some lovely rumours that went around when I first moved in (I already know someone that lives here) about my 'lifestyle' and my 'loads of kids' I think they were disappointed to discover that I work full time and only have 1DC that doesn't go out hardly at all, but certainly not joining the village kids at the park. And that there's been no drugs bust or brothel...... We're quiet and I get shopping/bits from the shop from an elderly neighbour a few doors up most days. I don't think I lived up to the stereotype they were expecting and as we haven't caused any trouble they've jumped on this to prove a point? I don't know, most of the other neighbours are now friendly and chat, I knew them enough across the road to smile and say morning but I was told they were the ones the most 'worried' about what 'lifestyle' they'd heard about me. Seems a bit silly though - we've proved we're just normal people.

OP posts:
Parkoff · 28/01/2019 18:16

Get bits from the shop for elderly neighbour, not from.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/01/2019 18:23

If cars can park on both sides of the road and a car can still get through then they'll have to suck it up.

Inconvenient, but how it works on most estates. I have a car that parks opposite my drive. I can get out (and in) with no problems - even with other cars parked each side of my dropped kerb.

littleV58 · 28/01/2019 19:14

@Parkoff I'd too be upset about the way he spoke to my mum. People are so bloody odd honestly. One thing my mum always says it's 'it's not what you say, it's the way you say it' and it's so true!

Surfingtheweb · 28/01/2019 20:02

@Parkoff yeah my old house was HA too, what you are describing is typical pack mentality & estate bullying. I was fierce in the early years in my old house, when I gave the keys back almost 2 decades later people left me alone. But over those years I'd had to go out ready to fight in the street if I needed to. I'm sure there is a better way to make your case you won't be walked over, but the key point is letting people know you won't be walked over. It's really important in social housing that people know not to mess with you.

Momdeguerre · 28/01/2019 20:10

It’s unlikely to constitute the offence of unnecessary obstruction if you haven’t actually parked over their driveway. It’s not an offence that is usually enforced unless it is very deliberate and clear - parking to block the pavement and force road users into the road, preventing emergency vehicle access etc or parking right over someone’s driveway and blocking them in.

TheSerenDipitY · 28/01/2019 20:11

i would have informed them if they want to carry on in this manner that i would buy a old banger car and park it outside my home and take up even more parking and making sure that someone was always parked in that spot, so they can suck it up and learn to drive and accept that sometimes people will be parked there or you can teach them a lesson by making it so that is the only place to park

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