To be annoyed at my lazy a**ehole of a hubby

[Radley]

Yesterday dh wanted to go to a pub for lunch, I didn't want to go as I wanted to tidy up etc, but, in the end he talked me, round. (he wanted a couple of pints more than anything)

We were late getting home and as he has the day off today, he promised faithfully he would tidy round in the living room, do some washing and sort laundry that needs to go away.

I have just got in from work and he has done NOTHING, except open a parcel and leave all the packaging strewn about.

He has been sat on his arse watching the racing ALL day and then he went to the bookes and spent god knows how much.

Am I being unreasonable wanting him to do what he promised and help out a little on his days off (he gets ALOT more days off than me)

He will now come in from picking the kids up and disappear to pub for an hour or more whilst DD1 has her dance class, leaving me at home with this mess

There is some truth in men not seeing the bigger picture. Say 'clean the dining room' and he'd genuinely be struggling to see things that needed doing unless it was a total pigsty. He'd clear stuff into piles but wouldn't put them away. He might sweep the floor and wipe the table but it would be cursory only. Not because he's a lazy arse (or not only because he's lazy arse) but because he genuinely doesn't see the need. And he's right in a way - no-one is going to die of dust on the TV, and the world isn't going to end because there are finger marks on the windows. If you don't know that a certain level of cleanliness and tidiness is a norm then you won't understand.

I think the most telling thing was when I was in hosptial after having DD. On the way home DH told me with great pride that he and MIL had given the house a really good clean - I was pleased because first time round I had brought DS#1 back to a real mess. I got home and it was hard to see what they had done TBH. I think they might have hoovered the middle of the sitting room carpet and swept the hard floors, washed up (but not put away) and piled extraneous toys/books/papers into piles all over the place. It still looked like a bomb had hit it. And they both thought they'd done a great job. I felt as if I had to praise them like well-behaved children......

It isn't always just laziness - sometimes it's a different idea of what is neccessary.

Having said that the books sounds great

Glad you like the idea Yellowvan; I was given the book years ago when I taught special needs adults and it worked wonders on my class...I now realise it has become part of my life and I "shape" peoples behaviour all the time ...no wonder my DH is such a treasure ...but seriously the woman who wrote it talks at the end about teaching teenage girls the techniques and then seeing the girls go home and shape their parents into giving them more pocket money and shape their sibilngs into doing their chores for them!!!...it isnt a book to leave laying around if you dont want you hubby and kids shaping you!!

Lazy smelly f**king sods...

just fart in front of the telly

....glad I got that off my chest

Maybe your dh has too much time off and should get a moonlighting job!

Many men are less tidy than their wives so they won't want to tidy up unless you make the alternative even less attractive. How about HE pays for a cleaner - even if it means less money for going to the pub? Why should you work hard to bring money into the home and then be stuffing the w/m at midnight while he has lovely time off when not at work?

Have to say that I am the untidy one in our relationship and often promise to do stuff then sit on my arse while ds sleeps on my days off.

In my defence I am 28 weeks pregnant and get tired easily. And looking after 17 month old ds is hard work. Still feel guilty like Floria though... (Hi hon!)

I can understand why you are p*ssed off but can also see things from your dh's side. If this is a one off I think you should cut him some slack. However if he is always lazy I think the 2 of you need to sit down and come to an agreement on what is acceptable to both of you.

Just read Ormirian's last post and agree thoroughlly. (Had only skimmed thread before...)

Trouble is its easier for the tidier person to feel aggrieved with the mess than for the less tidy one - they just don't do it afterall. I think the key is finding a middle ground that you can both live with where he doesn't feel he's tidying a house that is already tidy adn wasting his time and you don't feel like you're living in a pig stye and he's taking the p*ss