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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be just a little miffed by this..

5 replies

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 28/01/2019 11:04

My DH has never really been the type to throw compliments my way and he doesn't very often say ILY which for the first 27 years of our marriage I just accepted, but now I need a bit more to be honest. I am feeling old and i would like him to say I look nice or he loves me sometimes, like I do to him to just give me a bit of a boost. When I have asked him if he could possibly try to be a bit more forthcoming with his positivity he says its not his style and he has never been like that so why should he start now. I sort of accepted this, although I wasn't happy that he refused to even try , but when we went out with friends last week, the female of the other couple came in and the first thing he said to her was "Oh Hi xxxx, you look nice" He has always been able to compliment strangers but not me for some reason, I have only just noticed this after 30 yearsGrin (I Know !!) I shot him a look when he said this and later that night he said, "Well its just what you say to people isn't it, I don't really mean it, why would you want me to say things to you and sound false" So basically what he is saying then is I never look nice and he doesn't love me. I am a bit pissed off to say the least. I don't know if IABU expecting a different DH from the one I have accepted for 27 years, AIBU?

OP posts:
Ashleighc01 · 28/01/2019 11:17

😔 no advise but didn't want to read and not comment.

I would be upset too 😔

Miane · 28/01/2019 11:19

Well its just what you say to people isn't

What he means it that it is polite

Which is fine - he can be polite to you too.

lifecouldbeadream · 28/01/2019 11:20

It might be worth looking at the Five love languages. It really helped our family to understand how each of us express our love, and that that doesn’t necessarily translate to the other members feeling loved.

Slothcuddles · 28/01/2019 11:24

I would hate to be in a relationship like that.

My dp isn’t the most forth coming with ‘I love you’. But I will say it to him, and he will hug me tight, kiss me, then say ‘I love you two’. Also if we are texting and I say I love you, he’ll text back and say ‘I love you too, to the moon and back’. Whenever we get dressed up to go out he will compliment how I’m dresssed and my make up. I think I would be really hurt if I didn’t get this.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 28/01/2019 11:47

I would hate to be in a relationship like that.

I have sort of gotton used to it over the years, I don't like it though and have only begun to notice as I have become more in touch with my emotions. We were FWB's before that phrase was even invented back in the late 80's. He will say I love you too if I say it but I just want it to come from him first I maybe being a little over sensitive as I reach maturity but when I look in the mirror I see a very old lady and I just want a bit of a compliment now and again. He is a lovely kind and gentle man in all other ways just a little un emotional!

lifecouldbeadream I will have a look at that. I am sure he does love me but I just need to hear it and I can't look like a sack bag tied in the middle when I go out so would appreciate knowing that before I ask "do i look ok?"

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