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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Social Media & Suicide...

9 replies

namechanged2019 · 28/01/2019 07:27

What is everyones opinion on Social Media bullying causing suicide ?

What age would you let your child and with how much supervision ?

I name changed as I don't want this linked to my usual name but I personally am not on any social media other than mumsnet and youtube (if you can class those as social media) my SIL and I have both said we would pay our children not to use social media but if they insisted it wouldn't be until they were mature enough mentally whether that be at 12 or 16... whats everyone else's opinion.

Is it the bully's fault? The parent of the bully? Or the child being bullied parent? For not doing enough.

OP posts:
Biggerknickersagain · 28/01/2019 08:16

My opinion on social media causing suicide?
That it's abhorrent. That it's a 'sign of the times' because you can't really get away from it, technology is permanently attached to us and when you're bullied at school, then this continues 24/7 - never a break from it, it's unsurprising it causes someone to have suicidal thoughts.
What we tend to forget as adults I think is that children and teenagers are experiencing these kinds of things for the first time, and while going through some pretty hefty emotional, physical and psychological changes associated with growing up. Also taking myself as an example, I never had to deal with the onslaught of constant exposure to sm until I was an adult and had lived and learned through many life situations already.
Whose fault is it?
Well that depends on the circumstances, allowing constant exposure to sm isn't ideal, and children/teens need to be taught how to self regulate, by imposing restrictions if necessary. I think it's also societal, in the way that no one seems to be expected to take responsibility for their own actions, it's usually dismissed as a prank, or they didn't realise, and there are no concequences.
The parents of the bully may be aware, they may not be, but ultimately they are responsible for again, restrictions if necessary.
The bully themselves need to be made to take responsibility for their own actions, with concequences before it gets to the point where someone feels taking their own life is the only way out.
I think it takes a group effort, from the whole of society to tackle this, from sm platforms, schools, MH services, parents, children.

namechanged2019 · 28/01/2019 08:22

@Biggerknickersagain Wow, I think you have it down to a T there...:

OP posts:
Trampire · 28/01/2019 08:40

I think it's wider than just bullying.

The high profile case of the 14 yr old in the news at the moment is more centred around 'self harm' and suicide web pages and Instagram posters. People that somehow glorify depression and self harm.

My dd is 14. We talk a lot about this. It really is a 'thing' right now that many children (and it seems to be mainly girls) are viewing self harm and suicidal thoughts as a rather edgy and 'cool' thing to be involved in. My dd finds it weird and abhorrent. However she's aware of it. There are girls she knows at school that proudly show their self harm scars and tell virtually anyone they know.

I'm not saying self harm or poor mental health is a shameful thing, however somehow the extreme ends of it has grown a cool culture surrounding it.

It's extremely disturbing. I haven't even started on cyber bullying.

Talking to my dd, she believes that somehow certain subjects/posters/influencers should carry an age restriction or just purely blocked at the Instagram end. How that's achieved I just don't know.

Trampire · 28/01/2019 08:41

Just to add, luckily my dd hadn't experienced any problems on SM with bullying. However in my wider experience of talking to other parents their school is pretty hot on dealing with it when it's brought to their attention.

KeepHimJolene · 28/01/2019 08:43

Technology usage is today's equivalent of meeting in the park after schools for teens and in an age where social media is available at our fingertips, there is going to be, amongst school age peer groups, an element of bullying. Bullying in the park wasn't seen by parents but it still existed!

I don't think it is the cause of poor mental health. The cause is deep within the person themselves and being unable to seek the correct supportive help. Some people just don't want to be here, they need support and the ability to make that decision and look at the alternatives.

Those with genuine suicidal thoughts all have some kind of leakage of those thoughts (talk about suicide, internet history on sites about suicide and letters/ notes about dying). Parents need to act on behavioural changes in their child and not ignore and label it as, 'being a teenager'

With thoughts of self-harm comes low self-esteem, anxiety, irritability and often volatile emotions and mood swings and reckless actions thoughts or conversations. All this can cause exhaustion and excess sleeping, withdrawal from others, secretive internet use and starting to drop back in studies, peer friendships and distancing themselves from people who 'don't understand'. These signs are often recognised and misread.

Many young people do try to seek help before attempting suicide by telling other people about their feelings or by self-harming to show people that they are in emotional pain. Often they seek help in the wrong places and don't get the support they need.

On balance, no I don't blame social media, I blame a broken society with a huge lack of mental health resources for decades, now slowly arriving and a change where it is now OK to talk about mental health rather than a stigma. I blame the fast pace and huge expectations in today's society where success is measured in monetary terms.

Suicide figures are kept quiet because the figure is far higher than expected. Most suicides don't even make the local papers any more unless unusual in some way.

Siameasy · 28/01/2019 08:43

I came off FB and Insta (wasn’t on Twitter but that’s awful too) because they made me feel shit, angry and hateful towards people. So if I, an adult, feels like that I don’t think SM is suitable for children.
I feel so much calmer and have much more time now. The aforementioned risks aside, SM makes people sedentary and that in itself contributes to poor mental health

SuchAToDo · 28/01/2019 08:46

The thing about regular bullying is usually once the child is at home, they are safe from the bullies...but when it's online bullying that encroaches into the home too (if that's where the child accesses the internet)..and also with online bullies, whether it's someone the child knows in real life or an anonymous troll, is once one person starts bullying there is always more waiting in the wings to join in...and for an adult that would be hard enough to deal with, but for a child it would be worrying and upsetting and frightening, and they may not know where to turn, how to make it stop, and they turn to suicide...

More needs to be done to stop bullying and trolling online and to make the people who do it traceable so that they can be held accountable to the police for what they have done...but I'm not sure how they would make that happenConfused

Trampire · 28/01/2019 09:02

I think teens are still unaware that what they write online is 'real'. Many of them seem to think it doesn't matter what they say because it's online.

A friend of my dd broke up with her boyfriend ( relationship that only lasted 3 weeks). There was huge drama about it. The girl is of Filipino heritage. She started to get abuse online from 2 of her ex's friends, calling her a Filipino bitch etc. Luckily the school took this extremely seriously as racist hate-speech and dealt with it very severely.

The pupils in question seemed amazed they'd done much wrong, because it was 'just online'

Trampire · 28/01/2019 09:03

I meant to say no huge drama about it.

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