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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if I’m not doing sex right?

42 replies

DustyMcDustbuster · 27/01/2019 21:25

Found pic of this product on twitter, and given the directions, I’m wondering if my sex life has been a sham.

To wonder if I’m not doing sex right?
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DustyMcDustbuster · 27/01/2019 21:59

Speaking of translations, I started this thread earlier but nobody cares. I care!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/cunning_linguists/3491702-Foreign-idioms

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Kittycuddles · 27/01/2019 22:06

My vagina says she hates me and infind it hard to get her to let me in any more. I thought we were friends. I guess it's tough living with someone in that tight a space. I don't mean to sound wet about it but it makes me very sad when she just won't open up to me about anything.

P.s I hate me but LOVE the puns

DustyMcDustbuster · 27/01/2019 22:16

@Kittycuddles Grin mine shut up shop ages ago. “Apparently” she felt neglected. Bonus is I’m a virgin again. At 50. #silverlining

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DointItForTheKids · 27/01/2019 22:24

Me too Dusty! It's a closed shop!

I always say it's like the Sahara up there - hot, dry and no signs of life....Grin

Aren't your 50s SO great!

Kittycuddles · 27/01/2019 22:29

Try being in your twenties with a leaky one!

Who knew discharge aka vaginal tears, could be so .... wet ....

DustyMcDustbuster · 27/01/2019 22:58

@Doinit Hahaha. Mine’s got cobwebs!

I’m ok with being 50 (51 next month) I til I go on dating sites & get pestered by 30 yr olds!!

@Kittycuddles I’ve still got a leaky fanny. When I was in my 20s I went to my doctor a few times, sure there was something wrong with always having such a wet gusset.

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PumpedUpTermite · 27/01/2019 23:01

Have you cancelled the vagina, OP?
Grin

Kittycuddles · 27/01/2019 23:03

The curse of the leaky fanny huh GrinWink

Th at did make me chuckle I must admit do than I you! Lol

I often wonder if it's period, pee or whatever turns out to just be soggy knickers and a deep sense of self shame and personal resentment as the cold chilly British air turns it to icicles. Like a bloody wind tunnel between my legs. And that's WITHOUT the farts

TokyoSushi · 27/01/2019 23:04

Fabulous Grin

DustyMcDustbuster · 27/01/2019 23:07

@PumpedUpTermite I thought I had, but re-reading the first sentence on the bottle, I’m not sure I’ve got that right either. It’s a fucking minefield!

@Kitty I now wear pantliners every day. Then I can chuck out my fanny batter.

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DointItForTheKids · 28/01/2019 19:34

Literally a fucking minefield!

DustyMcDustbuster · 28/01/2019 21:13

@Doinit so true. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Isleepinahedgefund · 28/01/2019 21:15

Do you not have a cancellation vagina??? 😱

JustDanceAddict · 28/01/2019 21:18

Lol at fanny batter 😂

DustyMcDustbuster · 28/01/2019 22:03

Does anyone have not a cancellation vagina? Hmm

Fanny batter!

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MitziK · 28/01/2019 22:06

Hang on, if they expect a long pull of silk from the vagina - doesn't that mean it has to be infested with moths?

[gets out can of RAID]

DustyMcDustbuster · 28/01/2019 22:55

@MirziK ConfusedEnvyEnvyEnvyEnvy boak

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