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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to question treatment of autistic man

10 replies

RosieStarr · 27/01/2019 20:45

Firstly - apologies for being vague, I don’t want to identify the individuals involved.

I have absolutely lost all faith in social services, who have absolutely and totally let down a vulnerable adult. So this autistic man who is a close family member (let’s call him Fred) is currently being cared for by his mother. (For context - Fred is severely autistic and has very limited communication skills)

Fred’s mother has been behaving increasingly strange and erratic, and recently Fred has been appearing to suffer as a consequence - for the past few months he’s appeared unwashed, underweight, an infection in his arm (which she refused to treat), and now very withdrawn. He’s even fainted on occasion.

I was also made aware that other family members were concerned because Fred’s mother has been forcing him to shave his body hair ‘so he doesn’t just have to wear trousers’??? It seems really odd to me to force a grown man to do this, particularly as Fred clearly couldn’t possibly understand the social reasons why people shave their legs! (Who would even expect a man to shave all his body hair off anyway?!)

So I reported this to social services - I didn’t take this decision lightly as they are family members (although Fred’s mother absolutely despises me, as I work with the medical profession and she doesn’t ‘believe’ in it). In particular I was concerned about his infected arm, and she seemed completely unwilling to do anything about it. Meanwhile Fred’s mother is suddenly appearing in very expensive clothing - one has to question whether she’s taking is money, particularly when she has no other form of income.

I thought social services would do something, but they’ve said she is fine and isn’t withholding medical care as she’s ‘using alternative medicine options’. I wouldn’t even care if they were working, but they clearly aren’t.

I really don’t know what to say. I can see the poor man becoming worse and worse, and isn’t the happy young man he was before. He seems to be in a very bad situation and yet social services seem to accept that he’s ok because his mother says so? They haven’t even tried to get a second opinion from a doctor.

I just don’t even know what to do. Social services have made me feel like a nuisance for even raising it, but I’m really worried about this poor man - particularly as I’ve seen him thriving when he had proper care. I don’t even think his mother is doing it deliberately, I think she’s just ill too.

OP posts:
wigglypiggly · 27/01/2019 20:52

Are you able to get in touch with either of their g.p. to state your concerns and the adult safeguarding team at social services. If you feel he is at risk of neglect and ill health would he be better in hospital.

hangrymum · 27/01/2019 20:56

I have worked in Adult Social Care (not at a high level but still involved with safeguarding) and I would suggest being persistent. Raise this safeguarding again and go higher if needs be. He is a vulnerable adult and the change in his appearance and risk of financial abuse should raise an alarm. You shouldn't have to but it sounds like you might need to make a noise about this to get anywhere. I also have a child with ASD and it breaks my heart to think of them being abused / neglected / exploited but sadly it happens. I think you have done the right thing, thank goodness you and your family are looking out for this poor man. Perhaps going back to SS collectively would add more weight to your concerns. Good luck OP

RosieStarr · 27/01/2019 21:07

Thank you both for replying so quickly.

@wigglypiggly I have no idea if he has a GP, and I don’t think it would be easy to find out as I’m not his carer. I reported it to adult safeguarding and this was the result of their investigation, that they aren’t concerned

@hangrymum Thank you, I will try going back again. I was just shocked that they didn’t have any concerns whatsoever, I mean how can they ignore this? I’m not suggesting he’s removed from her, I just think they need help

OP posts:
Schuyler · 27/01/2019 21:14

Due to confidentiality, they will not tell you the full outcome. I am surprised they shared anything at all. They may be continuing to work with the mother and son. They may have deemed the son to have capacity to make decisions about his care and other things, hence why nothing is changing, Do you have any other family who have contact with him and his mother?

Schuyler · 27/01/2019 21:15

Sorry, I skim read and I shouldn’t have. Some of the concerns you’ve shared with adult social care have been passed on to you by other family members. Why have they not reported directly? This will hold much more weight.

danni0509 · 27/01/2019 21:36

I have a dc with autism.

You did the right thing, keep persisting.

they can't speak up when they have limited communication so someone needs to do it on there behalf.

You say his mum is behaving strange / erratic etc sounds like she may need help too.

Pleased you have reported Thanks

RosieStarr · 27/01/2019 21:56

@Schuyler I suspect some of them have, but I have more interaction with him so I know what’s normal and what’s not for him. Others I think just don’t know how to raise it. Fred can’t communicate well and is t capable of making decisions, so I’m not sure Fred could have commented on the situation, unfortunately

@danni0509 Thank you 😊 It’s awful to see someone in this situation, I’m just so worried for him. He doesn’t deserve any of this, and the mother deserves a helping hand too.

OP posts:
Schuyler · 27/01/2019 22:02

The family - who have seen the concerns with their own eyes - should be able to speak to adult social care. It’s doing Fred a huge disservice if they don’t.

bakebeans · 27/01/2019 22:14

Does he have a learning disability nurse? If not why not? May you could discuss with them? Hope the situation improves

bakebeans · 27/01/2019 22:14

Contact the learning disability team. He may be known to them

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