Is it wrong..

[irdgaf]

To not want to get married any more?
Been with my oh 8 years, engaged for 5 but never got married for various reasons.
I've just come to the conclusion I don't want to get married any more, I want want to stay with him, love him etc but I just cba to pay money out for 1 day if I'm honest. I also don't want to change my name, I love it and hate his(various reasons but would be too outing if I told). Aibu?

Yabu to assume marriage is about spending lots of money on one day and changing your name. Those are both entirely optional.

Keep your name. Just nip into a registry office the two of you with two witnesses.

Get the legal protection marriage affords.

If those are the only two reasons, you can get married at the registry office for just over £100 (or it was when we wed at ours) and you can also keep your name. It really doesn’t have to cost the earth

And you don't have to take his name if you don't want to. It's not compulsory. He could take yours!

I can't actually pin point why I've changed my mind but they were always two issues ( DP won't get married in a register office and desperately wants me to take his name)
I guess I just want to be told that you can change your mind for various reasons.

I can't actually pin point why I've changed my mind but they were always two issues ( DP won't get married in a register office and desperately wants me to take his name)

Maybe a part of you thinks "I can't tackle these two issues with him so I'll just not do it at all"?

Why not just tell dp that you don't want a big wedding or to take his name and then work from there? He can want these things all he likes but you are your own person and don't need to be forced to take his name or have a massive wedding

So long as you understand the legal ramifications of not marrying. You are entitled to make any decision about your personal life and no one has the right to question it unless it is ilinformed or immoral.

Maybe you aren't right for each other.

You don't have to take his name and he doesn't have to take your either just keep your own name and get married on the cheap, just your witnesses and go for a meal. That's what my mum and dad did, cost next to nothing. If those are the only things stopping you then they are easy to fix. If you really don't want to get married then dont, my aunt and uncle have been engaged for 32 years 😂, don't think they will ever bother now.

Hmm it sounds like getting married is you doing all the compromising and not him???

I would recommend for legal reasons it is better to be married but I think he is ridiculous on refusing a RO and insisting you take his name... I would be wondering if that was his way of ensuring a wedding doesn't go ahead?

(Baring any legal/ financial consequences) Maybe you’ve just realised you don’t need marriage to be any more committed and you’re happy as you are. Don’t think it’s necessarily a reflection of your relationship.