AIBU to feel like DC would be better off without me?

[Campervanlife4me]

Just that. Got teenage dc and I just feel like I cannot do anything right. One of them made a stupid mistake last week and got into trouble at school and at home. I thought I'd taught dc better. Other dc is just anything general! Sometimes I just feel like maybe they would do better with my exh as I seem to be getting it wrong all the time. I want the best for them but I'm just tired of trying so hard, yet getting it so wrong. I'm exhausted with worry and stress.

Life can feel like that sometimes, but you will be doing things right and just not seeing them. You should talk to your doctor about how you’re feeling and in the meantime try to relax and think about the good things you have and times you have with them. They would be worse off without you and you not being there would adversely affect them in ways you could not begin to imagine. By all means let exh take some slack to give you a break, but don’t underestimate the importance of what you do 💐

I’m sure you did teach them better! Teens like to make their own mistakes, your exh would find that out pretty quickly. Remember it’s a marathon not a sprint and hang in there, they do need you :)

Absolutely not. We were a pack of wolves to my mum as teenagers, I feel so guilty now - but the reason kids do this is because you are their safe space. Some teenagers are lovely, but others - with nice parents - will make stupid mistakes, and be rude and ungrateful and generally cause despair. Not having teenagers myself yet I don't know the solution, but do think looking back my mum could have benefited from ground rules about treating her with respect (never helped that our dad didn't, and we echoed that behaviour), and also taking more time to herself.

If it helps, we are all ok human beings now, our mum is much treasured and we squabble (politely) over who gets to have her out their house next, and my sibling who was repeatedly suspended, stayed out all night and swore at my parents is now a doctor with a lovely partner and unfairly well-behaved DCs of their own.
Good luck, hang in there, do something nice for yourself and if you are having any thoughts that the world would be better without you in it, see your GP asap.

Remember teens can fantastic people but can behave appallingly at times. They can make stupid, horrible, selfish and reckless decisions, be peer pressured, be show offs and just total arseholes. Throughout that all they are still your lovely child underneath. They're learning to navigate the ways of the world as an adult and pushing boundaries everywhere.

I think back to my teenage years and I'm appalled by some of the things I did and said, I'd be absolutely horrified if my daughter did the same. I grew up to be pretty decent I think, and see my mum for the amazing person she is who loved me and guided me to adulthood. That's what you're doing for your kids, so stick at it and you'll get there. Keep lines of communication open and let them know how loved they are.

You love them and want the best for them and they would never, ever, be better off without you.

Good luck

They're a work in progress. I made so many mistakes as a teenager and I definitely knew better!

Some of those lessons don't take until later!

Thank you every single one if you. I try so hard to talk to them but they either shut sown or tell me to stop lecturing them or get off their case. I find myself wishing for the day when they've both moved out and I can finally relax. I feel so selfish feeling and thinking like this as well. I just feel like I could sink into a deep sleep and never wake up. Or wake up and it's all gone away. I just don't know what to do and I don't know how I'm going to cope for the next few years until they've grown up. My family live abroad and I don't have any friends I can confide in, as every time I have done in the past, it all backfires. I can fully understand why my mum committed suicide now. Not that I am contemplating that but I can empathise with her more now.

You sound depressed love. There's a difference between 'bloody kids are so annoying' and wanting to go to sleep and never wake up.

Your GP any good?

Can he take them for a bit to give you a break and reset yourself?

I feel depressed but only because I feel like I am failing my dc. How does everyone else cope or deal with teenagers?

You're not failing your kids, OP, and I think you feel that way because you're depressed. Rather than simply tearing your hair out and having a rant about their behaviour and attitude towards you, you're seeing it all as your fault. But you can see from PPs on here that teenagers are hard work.

I don't have teenagers myself, but we have 2 adopted DDs of 9 and 6, and DD1, who has adoption related trauma, is regularly full of back chat and I regularly feel like a failure!

I agree with PPs that you should get yourself to your GP. I'm on anti depressants, they really can make a difference to how you see the world. You should also find ways of looking after yourself. For me, a long soak in a bath full of bath foam does the trick.

Good luck.

I think I'll have to make an appointment and have a chat. Thank you for the advice.

Take care of yourself. Those ungrateful kids need you!

One is tantrumming tonight because she is grounded. She's grounded for a very good reason too. Full on teenage tantrum! Lovely evening!