To get annoyed with the phrase 'love bombing'...

[Lotsofsausage]

..where did it come from? why, on social media, is taking your kid for a piece of cake, out for the day, or paying them attention now called 'love bombing'?

Because of the incessant need of some people to label things they do as something special because they crave attention

It’s confusing. Seems to be a bad thing when a romantic partner does it - manipulative and controlling - and a good thing when you do it to a child - thoughtful, nurturing, excellent parenting.

We call it spending time together, sometimes doing what the DC particularly fancy, and often involving cake.

So I wonder when it becomes love bombing or when it's just taking them out for the day, weird.

I think it is weird and confusing thing for a parent to do. Surely the best thing for a child is consistency.

I’ve only ever heard it on mumsnet and only in relation to toxic relationships or children who are being naughty. I’ve never seen anyone on social media use it.

Never heard it before in my life, but I can’t bear people that hashtag everything anyway

MOD used it today on Instagram.

Is this what you’re referring to?

I've seen it used in the context of recruiting for MLM. Find a vulnerable victim, pretend they can be as successful as your pretend life, love bomb them as they sign up, tell them success is round the corner, they just need to work harder. Love bomb them every time you want them to 'invest' in their own business by buying more product from you. And so on. It's manipulative and a fucking awful thing to do to someone.

As for love bombing a child, surely it's just being a loving parent who attends to their needs?

We call it love bombing when we leave our younger 2 with GPs and take our eldest out for a few hours on her own. Just a cinema trip and an ice cream but it needs to be just her and no baby or toddler. We didn't know it had a name until SIL told us but we aren't social media savvy.

If you're doing it right then your child should feel they're loved every day. Love isn't something that can be scheduled in on the third Sunday afternoon of every month.

For parenting, it came from Oliver James I think. He’s a psychiatrist and came up with the method for dealing with behavioural problems. It is supposed to ‘reset a child’s emotions thermostat’. He has written a book called it. It involves a troubled child and one of its parents going somewhere alone, preferably overnight, and the child being able to do exactly as they choose for 24 hours, or something.

I think it’s different to just taking your kids out for the day or at least it was!

Love bombing in other contexts (eg dating) has a negative, manipulative connotation though.

I also thought it originated with Oliver James, in terms of parenting
He has a book on it

Oliver James a psychologist wrote a book about love bombing. I think it is about spending a certain amount of time (an afternoon, a day or a weekend) with your child and they get to choose exactly what activities you do, you give them your full attention and try to say yes to all of their requests. Sounds quite different to an average afternoon out with my kids!

Yes it's instagram influencers I've seen use it. males me cringe a bit tbh.

It’s a more intense bonding act than Just going to the zoo
Also can be used and abused in a manipulative way

It's essentially a neutral term that describes deliberate bonding behaviour but it can be employed as a manipulative strategy if the goal is not the bonding itself but other nefarious means.

It's not good or bad, just depends how it's used. We all do it to one extent or other regardless of how conscious a process it is.

It’s like “play date” I hate that immensely

@KnopeforAmerica love it, exactly that! 👍🏼👍🏼

Still not as bad as "making memories". 😒

Hah, I wonder if you've just read the same post I have on IG about it

I don't think I'm doing it right having read this thread, but during a difficult time I would diffuse a terrible atmosphere by bundling DS2, giving him a big squeeze and declaring a love bomb.

Maybe that's got another name!

Love bombing, making memories and play dates are all unnecessary ridiculous phrases imo.

Theoneand I think that’s called a Duggie Hug

If you are a decent parent and your child hasn't suffered some kind of trauma, going to the zoo and buying ice cream etc should be just a fun day out / because you have a bit of extra cash & want to treat them. Child should feel secure and loved every day not cos of a one off event

Love bombing has been very useful to us when our relationship with ds felt like it it was on a downwards spiral and we felt like we didn't like each other - it helped reset our relationship and see the positive.