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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to assume you know when you're in love with someone?

5 replies

CrazyToast · 27/01/2019 17:33

I have a friend who has been chatting to girl online for the best part of a year. They are in different countries. They talk every day. He sends her kisses and virtual flowers. He told her she understands him more than anyone has. She feels like 'home' to him, he says. She was planning to visit his country (independently of their friendship) and suggested they could meet up. He agreed but then suddenly started saying he had meant none of what he had previously said. He claimed he had been lying because he thought that was what she wanted to hear. This is bullshit because unless he is a psycho, no one needs to go to those lengths to save feelings. He said he had thought about marriage.

For various reasons, sex was off the table so it wasnt for sex. And he wasn't trying to exploit her financially etc.

She is very upset and confused now and it's left me wondering---could he really not realise he is in love with her? You should know, right?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 27/01/2019 17:38

Have you been speaking to her, although he is the one you know? Unless you are the girl..?

I think it’s difficult with online relationships as it’s easier to portray an image or say all the right the things than it is in real life.
Even if he is in love with her it sounds like she should be with someone who doesn’t mess her around, and is closer to home.

CrazyToast · 27/01/2019 17:51

He's my friend but I've kind of been dragged into it and am now talking to the girl too. Most likely a mistake lol

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 27/01/2019 17:53

I think you’re well meaning but should probably stay out of it, it sounds like he’s made up his mind regardless.

ragged · 27/01/2019 17:54

I don't know about this guy in OP's story. Sounds like she should drop him.

I was in love with someone & didn't know it. I didn't know you could fall in love with someone without ever having had a date or kiss, esp having rejected the idea of ever fancying them long before. I know it's common plot in movies now, but maybe not so much when I was young. I'm a bit emotionally illiterate, tbf.

I can't imagine 'falling' for someone online. Intrigued, sure.

Winnie2019 · 27/01/2019 17:57

You can't be in love with someone you've never met.

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