I cannot sleep because I'm away from my children

[MamaHechtick]

I know I am being unreasonable.
Tonight for the first night in 3 years I am away from my DC's. It was unplanned which makes it harder. But I literally cannot sleep and keep tearing up.
For the background DH has had a job where he's hardly home, sometimes for at least a month. So I'm very used to it being me and the children. Even before tonight in their lives I've spent two nights away from them before, and those two nights were months apart. They are 5 and 6. It hasn't helped that DH said ds especially was struggling.
I've already set my alarm for the earliest so I can get home before they wake up.

I just desperately want to get back to them, one of my closest friends son died a few months ago which has increased my anxiety about leaving them anyway, and now tonight I feel like I just can't cope and this huge guilt.

I need to sleep but I really can't switch off and think it's just a few hours now.

It's hard isn't it. Are they with someone you trust? Repeat over and over in your head that your children are well, that they are safe and all will be well. Something like this repeated over and over in your head should hopefully fill the space where the anxiety creeps in.

Well that was helpful of DH to tell you that DS is struggling. Nothing like making you feel worse ffs. As it’s just one night he could easily have said all was fine but then you wouldn’t necessarily have felt guilty would you? What a tosser he is. 🙄

Sounds like you may suffer from anxiety. Maybe go to a counsel or to talk about it. At 5 and 6 they’ll be absolutely fine.

I just desperately want to get back to them, one of my closest friends son died a few months ago which has increased my anxiety about leaving them anyway, and now tonight I feel like I just can't cope and this huge guilt.

I'm not surprised you're anxious, I remember many years ago my DF and DBIL died within six months of each other one in 50s one in 30s I was convinced my DH would also go .... he of course is fine.

Your DC will be 100% fine, if you can try and read it'll take your mind off things and you may just drop off to sleep.

they will be fine.i think at this age I must have been at my grans with my siblings for sleepovers.i wonder if mum missed me so much ha!
if this goes well maybe you could even see it as an ok thing.could you and hub go away together?or time out of an evening so you two could get back into step.
was it sometimes hard that took you away from them tonight?
I know it must be hard.but don't worry.all will be fine.dont clock watch.clocki watching is the destroyer of sanity.