To think I'll raise them completely alone?

[Shitfuckoh]

Currently going through what is a difficult seperation from OH. Due to financial reasons, still living in the same house for now.

He's been useless (for a long time really!) but especially this year. Mentioned to him that he spends no time with DC and does nothing with them etc. He originally tried to say he was getting them used to him not being here and didn't like the fact that i said he's never really done anything with them. He gave 2 examples, which amount to 2 hours of his time a week.. To end up in an argument and resulting in being told he won't be forced to, won't be blackmailed to etc..

I said he needs to get used to having them alone, especially once he moves out if he plans on having them weekly (as we'd discussed and he'd claimed he didn't want to be a weekend Dad, obviously only said this whilst still trying to 'talk me back') The response was to laugh but in a sarcastic way 'Yeah that's not happening' type way... and unsure what he said exactly but sounded like 'we'll see.'

So not only am I becoming a single parent, no money, no job and will end up on benefits. He's basically said he's having next to nothing to do with them. I told him fine but that's his choice and not to dare say I made it difficult for him. I don't know if he's just saying this because he's hurting, or if it was in the moment but if so, it's a fucking shitty thing to say and I'm not too sure I even want him around the DC if that's going to be his attitude.

I really am going to do it alone aren't I? Shit.

You're going to be ok. It sounds like you have been doing the bulk of the work already.
Mine were 8, 2 and 9 months. We have one another other and that is all we need. There were tough times and the first year or two I was so exhausted, all the time.
But I got strong, and I got shit hot at budgeting. We are careful with our money but we dont go without. Once the middle one started school I did an access course and now I'm retraining at uni. We've been on holiday, first in a caravan, and then to Spain. And they are achieving, we are so close. I am so proud of them.

You can do this, it will be hard, but it will also be wonderful. I love being a single parent.

He’s a wanker.

I’m doing it entirley alone. Zero contact from Ex. It’s fine. You cope. Some bits are a struggle but you settle into your own routines and rhythms. Some bits are easier without his involvement/interference.

Hugs to you OP. You’ve a hard time in front of you but you’ll manage.

I really am going to do it alone aren't I?

Sounds like you are already doing it alone. But soon, you won't have to put up with a miserable, useless lump anymore. You will have less work to do. You will have more emotional energy as he won't be sat there pissing you off. Shitfuck, you might not feel like this now but let me tell you, you will soon look back and realise that all you lost was misery.

Not only are you going to do it alone but you will damn well smash it too! Oh yes, make sure you CSA the fuck out of that man!

You’re already smashing it.

Except now you won’t have him stinkingvtge pkace out, you’ll all be happier and you’ll have less washing.

I was a very happy lone parent for a long time. Yes, some bits are harder, but overall I honestly preferred it.

In many ways it will be easier knowing you are 100% on your own. But the kids have the right to a relationship with their dad. How old are they?

If you want to scare the shit out of him and possibly gain some leverage, when you speak to a lawyer about settlements and custody, float the idea of 50/50 custody. He obviously doesn’t want that and you may end up financially better off by picking up the slack from him.

They're 7, 4 and 18 months.
It came as a shock because for the last few weeks all I've heard is how much he'll miss them, how he doesn't want to be a weekend Dad and ho he was looking for a place close to here so he can see them during the week after work/school a couple of times a week.

I'm scared, I'm upset but most of all I'm angry about how he's treating them already. All I hear is 'I won't be forced' and he's right isn't he, no matter how much I want them to have him involved as much as possible I can not force him.

Just sad for them. Hopefully once he's moved out he will miss them and will want to spend time with them, even if just one day a week (which is what he said he wouldn't be forced to do - now or future!)

You are very early on in single parent hood.

You will come to realise that his relationship with his children is his responsibility, not yours.

Bring the parent they can rely on is hard work, but you will reap the rewards.

What's the betting that 15 years down the line your children will know who their Number 1 is and it won't be the annoying irrelevant middle age man who wants them to call him 'Dad'.

Doing it alone is much easier than doing it with someone who is useless ime. You will be absolutely fine

Thank you all for the responses.
I know, deep down, we will be fine. It's just all the 'what ifs' thoughts going through my mind that are the problem!