Please talk me down. Iabu

[dragonflyflew]

Posted in relationships but not enough traffic, so reposting here. Am getting myself into an anxious state and don't want to make a mess of things. ..

I’ve been ‘seeing’ this guy since November. We met OLD late summer and I turned him down because of our geographical mismatch! We carried on chatting anyway as we got on, shared dating stories as well as general chitchat.
Fast forward to November, he was coming to my town so we met for a coffee and hit it off and have been seeing each other ever since. It’s been very casual, lots of fun dates and brilliant sex, in pretty much constant contact when not together. Lately there’s been a bit of a shift and it’s clear we both realllike each other although neither of us have said anything about a commitment to each other.
I have really enjoyed the semi casual thing and it’s been great having my freedoms and no relationship anxiety etc but we are starting to say we miss each other etc. we always have a brilliant time together. I know I could easily live without him but at the same time I really get a lot from him being in my life.
So this is where I’m getting weird in my head and want some help to apply logic.
He is on good terms with all his ex girlfriends. One of his very recent exes is one of his best friends. They see each other a lot. We haven’t met each other’s friends really although when he comes to my small town we bump into many people I know. He lives in a big city so it’s not happened yet.
Before we met he planned a big trip with said ex and lots of other friends,mainly women, they’re all going away together for a couple of big events over a weekend and all staying together in one big room. This happened on nye too but we were much more casual then so I dint give it much thought.
I have been with him when he’s been on the phone to these women, planning, finalizing deets etc. it sounds awesome and isn’t for a couple of months. I completely understand why he wouldn’t invite me, we’ve been casual,his friends are hosting,one of the girls he’s going with doesn’t know any of the others except for him plus he’ll be traveling there with his ex.
I just feel weird about it, a bit jealous and also a bit childish. It is hard for me to talk to him about it as I have no ‘rights’ as#u h and I don’t want to make things awkward by snarky comments or asking for reassurance as he’s not actually my partner.
Ergo, I have come here instead, please advise as I don’t want it to become a ‘thing’ in my head

Does he ever mention you when he’s on the phone to his friends?

Have you been to his place?

I definitely have to accept the friendships with exes, there's no other option.
I can accept that,. I think it's more the weekend away, sharing a room etc, travelling up together, it's just him and his ex coming from same place, everyone else is meeting them from elsewhere... I don't know, its actually none of my business...I wasn't expecting to feel all ego bruised
about it and I know it's insecurity and pride. I'm sure if we were to stay together he wouldn't arrange any other events like this without inviting me too. This stage of a ' relationship' is a weird hinterland. I have upcoming events with friends which I have considered inviting him to but I wanted to see how we get on first.
It's v clear with this event I'm not invited, deposits are being paid etc...
I just want to know how to deal with it, whether to put on a brave face (stay cool honeybunny) and ride it through until after the event (which is actually in march so I have plenty of time to make it into a huge drama in my head).

I'd never ask him to change btw, i like him for who he is.
Should I say anything about my insecurities or in light of our semi casual status is it better just to end it or hide my feelings?
I don't do dishonesty very well, hiding my feelings just makes me anxious hence venting on here.

ExFury I haven't heard him mention me to those friends but I heard him mention me to a man friend and to his ex wife...I've met his kids, one of whom is an adult and socialises with this group too.
he's posted pics of us on his social media, including a festive post where I was tagged in a photo montage alongside a pic which featured one of those women (not the ex)
so he's certainly not keeping me secret.
I've stayed at his loads and we're either messaging or talking most nights late into the evening when we're not together.

You are casual and the others don't know you. At this point in a relationship, I get why you wouldn't be invited. It prevents the awkward situation when you either break up before and it will end up just costing money or after and you will be on all the pics.
Are you just unhappy about not being invited or is there something else?

It's been long enough to decide to have an exclusive relationship because you had all that chatting before. You could just tell him that's what you want and ask him if he wants the same thing. If he does then you're his girlfriend, things change, you can start exchanging invites to events. This particular one might not be suitable but at least you'll know he's agreed to be exclusive. If he doesn't feel ready for that commitment then I'd wonder what's going on really, but you can at least take away what he says to mull it over.

OftenHangry I completely understand why I'm not invited, as I said upthread, it was arranged before we met. I'm unhappy because I just found out today he'll be going with his ex girlfriend. If I hadn't been in the room when he took the call I mightn't have known she was going, it's just made me feel insecure and that's what's made me feel unhappy.

MRex thank you. The weird thing is I'm not even sure I want a full on relationship. I have really loved how things are going but our 'connection' is definitely strengthening with each time we spend together, which I wasn't planning and I know he wasn't either. He was unhappily married and from what I can gather he's been all about the partying and having fun since then. I just wanted casual dates which I was happily doing with others and with him at first but we've shifted into couples behaviour...

OftenHangry for context, one of the girls who's going doesnt know any of the others either, only him.

That's all understandable, but it really sounds like you don't want him sleeping with other women so it's fine to say that

MRex yes it is! I'm pretty sure he isn't atm, despite us not being exclusive. I guess I was not expecting his ex to be going and him not to have mentioned her despite us having talked about this weekend a few times. The girl on the phone today (not an ex as far as I know...) sounded much younger than us too, just brought up a load of insecurities which I haven't felt for a long time.