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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about rsvping for party?

30 replies

jemimapta · 26/01/2019 12:08

First time throwing party for whole class for my child in reception class, is it normal for people to be rsvping the day before the party? and telling (not asking) that they will be bringing siblings?

OP posts:
Ucangourownwoo · 26/01/2019 12:10

There are a billion threads about this on the boards.

It's Normal but it's also perfectly normal to tell them siblings are not invited.

bridgetreilly · 26/01/2019 12:16

You can definitely say no to the siblings.

Lazypuppy · 26/01/2019 12:24

I'd tell them its too late.

Did you give them an rsvp date?

Definitely no to siblings

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/01/2019 12:28

I have had someone text on the day to say they couldn't come. I hadn't heard from them prior to the day so they had clearly been keeping their options open!
What kind of party is it? If in a public place just say "we won't be able to pay for siblings place or provide food but you are welcome to do so yourself".

Racecardriver · 26/01/2019 12:29

I had people rsvp on the day

TeaByTheSeaside · 26/01/2019 12:31

I always say rsvp by a date about 10 days before.

I then chase up those who haven't replied.

And whether siblings can come depends on age of siblings and what the party is.

Returnofthesmileybar · 26/01/2019 12:31

Well it seems to have become normal but that doesn't mean it isn't bloody rude

DowntonCrabby · 26/01/2019 12:32

The late RSVP is rude but fairly common.

The telling you they’ll be bringing siblings is the height of CFery!

Message back- we can still accommodate Freddie (invitee) even at this short notice but siblings are not catered for.

kaytee87 · 26/01/2019 12:34

What rsvp date did you put on the invite?
What kind of party is it? Are they expecting you to pay for or host the other children?

slappinthebass · 26/01/2019 13:00

It's normal, but also normal for party host to check numbers about a week before if they haven't had all replies. It can be hard keeping track if it's anything like my daughters school with 20 whole class parties a year. I definitely think class parties in a hall need less prompt replies. If you need to finalise numbers earlier you should say. They are being rude not to ask about siblings.

slappinthebass · 26/01/2019 13:00

Unless the sibling is not walking yet, in which case, I don't think they are rude.

twirlbabytwirl · 26/01/2019 13:02

Some people bring siblings to parties but never expect the siblings to be catered for.

PartyintheKitchen · 26/01/2019 15:18

I had my DC's party in December. 6 yr old. A mum showed up with one invitee and 3 non-invitees and proceeded to put these children at the party table etc They weren't even siblings! Just children of a friend she had offered to mind for the afternoon. I pulled her up on it, said "Sorry CF Mum, I've only paid for 15 children, these children aren't part of the party". She was disgusted, gave me bit of a telling off "oh surely it's not a big deal to add them in" etc etc. My DC didn't even know these random children. My blood was boiling! She really ruined the party going on at me for the 2hrs.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 26/01/2019 15:22

I had a party for my 5yo in December. We had people who didn't RSVP at all but just turned up on the day and people who RSVP'd the morning of the party. We had people who did RSVP but then didn't turn up and didn't bother to let me know they wouldn't be coming. We had uninvited siblings turn up. People are Cheeky Fuckers basically.

Jaxhog · 26/01/2019 15:23

Well it seems to have become normal but that doesn't mean it isn't bloody rude
But this seems to be the norm these days, as no-one seems to bloody plan ahead yet expect you to accomodate them anyway.

Say no to siblings (or other non-invitees). They can at least ask beforehand unless it's an emergency.

A mum showed up with one invitee and 3 non-invitees and proceeded to put these children at the party table etc
This beyond rude!!

rosydreams · 26/01/2019 15:38

My daughters first birthday party i was fair i rented a church hall and specified you may bring A sibling.Thus helping those finding trouble with childcare and i also specified please rsvp by so and so date

you have to either specify no siblings or make room for them as people will take the mick .Sames gos by rsvp by a date

Universalcreditwoes · 26/01/2019 16:25

People should always ask if they can bring siblings. I have no one to help with child care
Parties always fall on the work days. So I have to ask however I am perfectly fine with them saying no sorry and not going. I always offer to bring my own food for siblings or pay for them to use the facilities. Most people are fine with this. I have actually declined an invite due to my other kids and there being too many kids invited already I didn't want to cause stress so said we would love to but are busy

Universalcreditwoes · 26/01/2019 16:26

Dhs work days

thewayoftheplatypus · 26/01/2019 16:35

Urgh, I feel your pain Op! My sons 3rd birthday party is 2 weeks away and so fair only 2 of the kids from nursery we invited have bothered to rsvp! Not a big deal as we have lots of non nursery friends combining, but I am slightly panicked some will just turn up on the day. The food has to be pre ordered with the venue, so I would have to turn them away

athrobbingpairooftrousers · 26/01/2019 16:38

I'm clutching my pearls here Shock People actually turn up with siblings or say they are bringing them without actually asking????? Rude, rude, rude!

Redcrayonisthebest · 26/01/2019 16:46

Normal yes, deeply annoying and rude also, but normal.
One person rsvp'd in the middle of the actual party saying "we won't make it" no work from her before hand. I found that really odd!!

DonCorleoneTheThird · 26/01/2019 16:58

It's bloody rude, and no, it's not normal. More common possibly, but definitively not "normal".

I think in practice you need to chase people the day after your deadline for RSVP - but not before, because it's very annoying.

Message back- we can still accommodate Freddie (invitee) even at this short notice but siblings are not catered for.
this!

Asking the host if you can bring siblings is quite cheeky, most people won't dare say no but will be pissed off to be put on the spot. You can take siblings with magazines or an ipad to keep them out of the way, they don't have to join the party!

FullOfJellyBeans · 26/01/2019 17:27

It depends what type of party it is. If it's town hall then yes it's normal to RSVP last minute (if at all) and you basically have to be prepared with extra sarnies and crisps for a few siblings. If money is tight feel free to say siblings can come but you've only prepared enough food/party bags for the invited guests.

DonCorleoneTheThird · 26/01/2019 17:37

If it's town hall then yes it's normal to RSVP last minute

It's not normal, it's still rude! Either there's an rsvp date which you follow, or you reply in reasonable time as soon as you know.

Waiting until the last minute in case a better option arises is just wrong. If you don't want to go, decline. If you know you will go, why not replying immediately?

kitkatsky · 26/01/2019 17:41

It's the absolute height of rudeness! My DD has a June birthday and I always get RSVPs an hour before party starts 🙄 I think summer birthdays are difficult because if weather is nice parents want the option of a nice day out, but if it rains a birthday party will entertain the troops. Bit it is January- I thought winter party ppl might have better manners. I think it's fine to say siblings can come (if it's not a price per head party) but not provide party bags etc. I am v happy that DD is now 7 and would rather a sleepover to a whole class bash however!

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