DH getting drunk alone whilst looking after DS

[Adviceplease1234]

I'm a long term poster but have name changed for this as my friend has asked me to post on her behalf to get some opinions.

Last night, she went out for a meal with some friends and left her DH looking after her 21 month old. When she came back, her son was asleep but her DH was drunk enough that he was slurring his speech.

He doesn't think there is anything wrong with this and that it's ok. So as not to drip feed, his parents both have drinking problems.

My friend is very upset and I agree with her that it's not ok to be drunk when you are responsible for a young child. However, some of her other friends are saying it's ok for him to let his hair down on a Friday night and that as her son was asleep it's ok.

Can I ask if you think she is being unreasonable to be upset and angry?

Nothing wrong with having a beer but it’s completly unacceptable to be in charge of a child when you’re drunk

This isn't ok.... what if something had happened to the dc or him which required medical help, or a fire etc etc and he was incoherent.

I would be disgusted at my DH if he did this and I couldn't trust him to be an adult and in charge of anything .

Whenever me and dh go out or even at home one of us would always stay sober enough to be responsible in an emergency and be able to drive if needed.

Not ok. Not normal. Not safe.

I’d be livid if my kids dad was in charge of them while drunk. Not a problem to have one drink like an adult but to actually be drunk is inexcusable.

A couple of drinks to relax after the child has gone to bed is one thing, and I certainly did it.

Getting totally pissed when responsible for a young child is not on, and it sounds like that is what he did. Your friend is not being unreasonable.

I wouldn't let anyone drink alcohol and care for my child.

Not acceptable. Slurring speech is drunk af. I haven’t been that drunk in years.
This is why my son was never in the care of my alcoholic father. Even though he asked and was offended when I said no. It was a difficult conversation but I’m glad we had it. He went on to die accidentally whilst drunk.

It wouldn't bother me to be over drink drive limit (as so commonly used as a benchmark here - in emergency would phone taxi) but to be incapable of responding to something like a gas leak or febrile convulsion is not ok. DH might have 2 or 3 strong beers while in charge of DC but would absolutely be able to make a rational and speedy judgement call if needed. I choose to not drink at all if I'm in sole charge as I'm an absolute lightweight (and prefer a cuppa and a Twirl anyway!)

Hope your friend is ok - I wouldn't be LTB but it does show a lack of foresight / insight on DH's part. Frank chat now - no matter how hungover he is - and if it ever happened again I'd be considering my options.

Any chance he's doing the classic "do a job shit enough that I never get asked again"? Bigger relationship issues if that's the case.

I have had friends round for a takeaway and a bottle of wine when my son is asleep to a point where I couldn't drive but I would never put myself in a position where I was slurring.

Completely unacceptable.

If you're slurring and stumbling drunk you can't look after anyone, let alone a baby.

Thanks all for your opinions. I’ll show my friend your responses.

Of course it’s not ok.
What if there was an accident? He wouldn’t be able to drive or respond rationally.
I was a single parent for 7 years and never drank unless my kids where with their dad.