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Original poster

To feel so bitter towards my ex and his gf

11 replies

MassiveMug · 25/01/2019 22:05

Background story. Split with stbxh 16 months ago but still live in same house until everything sorted financially.

He cheated, hence split. But everything is just great for him. He is buying me out so has a nice big 4 bedroom house, has a good job and has a gf that he has been with for nearly a year and she has 2dc who our dc get on well with. He’s even told me that they are all going on a nice family holiday together in August. Everything is just great for him.

Me on the other hand. I can’t get a job, not worked for 10yrs. I’m wondering where me and the dc are going to live and how I’m going to make all my money stretch to support us, and I can’t get a bf Sad

I just feel so much hate for him with his great life Angry

OP posts:
John4703 · 25/01/2019 22:08

Make sure that you get 50% of everything. Get a good lawyer and make sure you do get everything you should.
If you are having the DC most of the time you ex must pay towards their needs.
Don't let him get more than he should.

Hisnamesblaine · 25/01/2019 22:09

Camt he move in with her? And you keep the house?

dungandbother · 25/01/2019 22:09

Then I hope he is buying you out with a massive chunk of money enough for you to buy a new place. Else don't move out.

Original poster
MassiveMug · 25/01/2019 22:12

I can’t afford to keep the house as I don’t work.

He’s buying me out and I’m getting 80% of the equity, gives me a large deposit and a small mortgage.

OP posts:
agnurse · 25/01/2019 22:29

If he's buying you out of the house and you're getting most of the equity, that's very generous.

Don't begrudge him his new life. Really, as long as your children aren't being harmed, his life is his business.

Your children will learn very quickly that there will always be people who have more than they do and people who have less. If your children came home and announced that a friend of theirs was going to Disney World for vacation, would it be fair for you to call up that mum and ask how DARE she take her kids to Disney World when the rest of you can't afford it, it's not fair, and she shouldn't go? Of course not! You'd simply explain to your children that while that's nice, unfortunately that's not a reality for you right now. You can tell them the same thing about your ex.

Original poster
MassiveMug · 25/01/2019 23:11

Fair point agnurse but I still can’t help feeling really bitter towards him, and her even though she’s fine nothing wrong.

It’s like he has wrecked the marriage by cheating, but still everything is great for him Sad

OP posts:
newnameforthis7 · 25/01/2019 23:17
Flowers

You poor thing. Sad

This is probably as shit as you will feel, and this is probably the BEST he will feel! Your life will get better I promise, and you will FEEL better soon.

You will move on, you will get a great job, you will find someone else, and things won't be so fab for him forever. He cheated on you and left you for HER, so if I was her I would be a bit very worried. Once a cheater, always a cheater.................

And I bet it will be shortly after they have a kid together....... Wink

Sending huge hugs and blessings and good wishes to you. Smile

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 25/01/2019 23:24

Hi OP it's totally normal to feel like that. But given his history, when his new relationship hits a rocky patch...when he has to work late...when she can't reach him...she will always be wondering is he doing it to me as well?? And one day your kids will realise what he's done and be amazed that you dealt with everything in a calm and dignified way. Even if you're seething on the inside!

Lifeisabeach09 · 25/01/2019 23:42

It's ok to be bitter. Just don't let it fester.

You need to work on you, OP. You need to a career. Are you able to retrain?

As for not having a bf, who cares?! They are grossly overrated. Whilst you'll be free as a bird, your dickhead ex will be digging himself even more into a blended relationship because the sad git can't be alone.

HTH.

Klopptimist · 26/01/2019 00:24

Of course you feel bitter, you're the one left picking up the pieces aren't you. But I promise you, it will pass. In the meantime, make a resolution that whilst you will allow yourself to feel these feelings, you will not allow them to consume you.

I probably wouldn't even begin to think about a BF until you are feeling better in yourself. Yes, PPs are right, the new GF will always have that thought nagging away at the back of her mind - "Is he cheating?". You won't.

And whilst he's painting a picture of domestic bliss and sunny beach holidays, the reality is that he will be a step parent. We all know how difficult step-parenting can be, just by reading some of the threads here. I'm willing to bet 20 quid that in time, one of her DC will say "No, I won't. You can't tell me what to do, you're not my Dad." What do you think will happen then? He'll start looking for an escape, that's what.

What the new GF deserves is actually pity and you will see this in time.

As for yourself, make some plans for the future. Even if it's just making lists of things you need for the new house you will have, it will help you move forwards. Wishing you all the best Flowers

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 26/01/2019 00:32

I feel your pain. Nothing worse than being the person who has behaved honorably but gets screwed over.

Although he has been a cheating ratbag you should wish him nothing but the best (and gonorrhoea).

Petty? Yes. Gratifying? Absolutely.

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