Is this sleazy or am I oversensitive?

[IrisAtwood]

First time in an exercise class today. Older male teacher of a traditional Eastern physical exercise. I was one of the youngest in the class.

At the end of the class the teacher came over and said that I ‘had lovely movement’ and that he had really enjoyed watching me in the mirror. The latter was said as he put his hands on my waist and held them there.

I immediately felt uncomfortable, but didn’t say anything as I don’t like confrontation. Since then it has been on my mind and despite liking the class I don’t think I can face going back.

I have a history of being abused and am still very fragile.
Am I oversensitive?

Why is anyone suggesting go back and see if he does it again and THEN complain? 1Redacted1.

He made the OP uncomfortable, she says she was one of the youngest in the class and he singled her out and made her feel uncomfortable with inappropriate touching and a comment veiled as a compliment but actually combined with the touchind was sleazy. That would be enough for me not to go back, complaining or not depends on the set up (eg chain type place where it might make a diff, or independent where it might not).

I'd have been alright with the comment, the touching too far though - more like WTF, hands off!

One day, soon I hope, women will be able to tell creeps like this to fuck off straight away instead of just feeling horrible afterwards and threatened.

This. Or at least, will be able to look them in the eye and say "I don't like the way you are touching me, please take your hands off me". You should not need to ask on here whether you were unreasonable: you did not like being touched by a strange bloke who made an off-colour personal comment. End of.

Jeez, I don't even touch kids without asking their permission/giving them the opportunity to say no - including when they're injured.

There's got to be more than one place offering yoga or tai chi within travelling distance of your home.

FFS! OP,

Totally, totally inappropriate.

I assume you haven't named the exercise because you're worried about being identified?

I have two possibilities in mind. In one it's not unusual for instructors to place hands on people whilst carrying out the exercise to correct but that doesn't make it ok (it's often cited as a barrier to people participating) and I still don't think the circumstances here would be OK. In the other I can't even imagine anyone suggesting that it was appropriate to be laying hands on people.

I mention this in case part of your thought process is that it might be justifiable as part of the exercise. I don't think it is. Even during, you shouldn't be touched without consent, and afterwards?! There's no justification!

It's possibly harder for you to brush off in the way others might because of your previous experiences, but you're not being "oversensitive". It's better that you're listening to your instincts.

It's very unprofessional of him to paw students. Unless he's been living under a fucking rock he must have some idea that there is quite a lot of discussion going on these days about the importance of boundaries and consent.

Watching you in the mirror? Very creepy I agree. I don’t know if I’d report him but certainly wouldn’t go back.

Complain

Try to go back, and see if you can go in with some other students in a group, chatting. I recognise your history op but do you want to be driven away from learning something you value? If he makes stupid comments or does anything trust your instincts and ask him to stop. Don't be caught off on your own with him. If he continues after you've asked him to stop, then is the time to make formal complaints.

don't go back. Find a female teacher.

Ew. YANBU

It is mot sleazy.

It is 100% inappropriate.

Sleazy is too weak.

Correction. I meant to say not sleazy.

It’s worse.

Inappropriate. If you still want to do the class then speak to someone about it or discuss it with him . What he said and did was inappropriate and made you uncomfortable.
If you cannot say anything, do not go back .

Definitely not being oversensitive. I would not be going back to the class.