IANBU to think I should have a bedroom door (and other unreasonable things)

[GloryforGloves]

Hi

I'm 16 and live in my parents house. My brother (15) and I got in an argument and he punched a hole in my door. My dad took it down as punishment (brother didn't get punished) and it's been a month so far without it. I tried putting up some fabric over the frame but it was in his way so he ripped it down. I'm not allowed to listen to music because he can hear it without a door.

I also have an en suite in my room (the room is too narrow for parent's bed so I got the 'best' room) - however my dad removed the toilet from the master bathroom two years ago and my mum doesn't want him to put a new one in as it's 'not hygienic to have in next to the sink'. This means that everyone uses the en suite as the master and walks into my room at all times of night. I can no longer dress in my bedroom as people don't knock. My brother tells his friends to use the en suite too when they stay over even though I have asked for that to not happen. AIBU to think this is all unacceptable? I asked my parents to stop this but they haven't said anything to him.

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Okay, I'm not 16 anymore - I'm 31 with my own home and a bedroom door. I'm also very likely outing myself to any friends who would have stayed out my house in teenage years. There is now a toilet in the master bathroom - put in years after I was kicked out. This is a retrospective IANBU post to make myself feel better.

Do you have any retrospective IANBU that you just want to clear from your chest?

That was really not okay, I'm sorry you had the deal with that OP Do you have much of a relationship with your family now?

Bloody hell, that’s awful

That's ridiculous. I'd have been tempted to put an invisible thread across the door so they tripped garroted themselves

I take it your brother was the golden child.

I hope karma bites them on the arse, OP.

That's absolutely shocking treatment of a 16 year old, they actually put you at serious risk of harm I hope you are ok.

Well they sound delightful. What arseholes!

When I started reading it my reply was "bear with it, study hard and do well at school and get the hell out of there to go to uni as soon as you can". I'm so glad you're ok now OP.

Thank you for your support and I’m glad I said it. It’s silly even talking about it now, but I’m trying to come to terms with difficult relationships with my parents. I think I’ve ended up with all sorts of issues and I really want to start working through them. This situation was just one of many problems TBH.

Parents are divorced now. I don’t really see any of them now really. My dad visits about twice a year since I had DS. I hadn’t seen him for 6-7 years prior to that. On the flip side, my mother ghosted me 6 months after DS was born (he’s 18 months now).

OP I feel for you, I really do. Weird confessional post; it wasn't until my 30s that I sat on a loo seat. I learnt the art of squatting as DF (a plumber for what it's worth) removed the loo seat as 'punishment' one year (I was in primary) and never replaced it, I never realized how batshit that was until I was an adult.

I hope you have found some of the unexpected joys of being an adult as I have, which is running your own home as you damn well please. You didn't deserve that and you have every right to be angry and disappointed with those who raised you for stunts like this.

Oh God i was so ready to come on and give you a virtual massive ((hug)) and ask if you had any other relative you could go to or another responsible adult who could advocate for you.

Poor you. They were bastards to you!

I'll still give you that virtual hug! ... ((HUG))

And you Posterbook! ((hug))

Very weird behaviour. How old were you when you finally got away?
Remember though, those things were your parents issues not yours. You just got caught up in their disfunctional behaviour.
At least you know you will be a better parent than they were.

IANBU to be upset that every birthday and Christmas the presents I got were entirely practical- school coats, knickers, shampoo etc. My parents aren’t poor by any stretch but just didn’t (and still don’t) understand the idea of giving presents. I’d always hope that I’d get something I actually wanted, then always get told off when I got upset it was a text book or a calculator.

My dm still does it - she got herself in such a tizz at Christmas. I told her I’d like a book but she insisted I had loads of books and didn’t need another one. Instead she came with me to Sainsbury’s and insisted on paying for my weekly shop as my Christmas present .

My dm also randomly decided to put shelves in the shower to store towels. I remember starting uni and feeling so posh and modern that I could have a shower everyday.