Can someone just tell me it will all be ok !

[CanIcryandlaugh20]

I am sat here on a Friday night, with a positive pregnancy test say on my side in a state of shock.

Background - was a single mum to a a little girl now 6 with complex needs.
Dad was a complete idiot and still is.
Been with “ new “ partner 3 years, his amazing with DD and I genuinely think his a great man.
However having another child due to DD was never on my agenda, we aren’t well off ( as it stands though we have separate finances in a carer to DD ) he is a emergency service worker.
But DD and I have not always been financially stable we live in small 2 bed council flat. We get by and daughter never goes without at all.
Her pregnancy was horrid, she was born with severe defects which they can’t find a genetic cause for but still worries me.
The thought of going in to a scan room just feels me with absolute dread !
Also I never really bought DD home until she was 2 !!!!
So I’m still really not sure what you do with a newborn 😂I have never breast fed or made a bottle.
I didn’t deal with newborns sleeping safetly at night 🙈
Another issue is me and DD.
I love her beyond anything she is my entire life and I’m so worried I just wouldn’t love anyone as much as I love her even another child.
We went through so much together I can’t imagine having the same amount of love for another human.

Ok so I’m ranting because I needed to get that out !

Aww no wonder you are in shock. But you sound like a lovely mum and you certainly have enough love in your heart for another. It WILL be ok. Everything you’re feeling is normal and understandable. Have you told your partner yet?

Have you told your new partner yet? If not, do you have any idea how he'll react?

I can't comment on your specific circumstances, but if you decide to have the baby you will figure out infant care. It's not that complicated, just bloody hard. And you will love the new baby. Love divided is love multiplied. You can love both fully and deeply at the same time.

Oh bless you! All very normal thoughts that fly through your mind when you find yourself in this position, unexpectedly.

One thing I can immediately say is that your love grows for subsequent children, it doesn't split. I love my second with as much fervour as I love my first.

Newborns need fairly constant feeding and pretty much just want to be with you all the time. A sling is very useful. Breastfeeding is natural but both you and baby need to learn how to do it together. It's the sort of thing you can read up on beforehand, and have your support network worked out (la leche league, local breastfeeding support groups etc).

Anyway, that's all assuming you go ahead, which you don't have to if it isn't what you really want. Does your DP know yet?

No his on shift tonight, probably not the best to tell him whilst his driving an ambulance 😂
I’m shaking I’m so confused !
I’m worried to because my DD dad just walked up and left when she was born and poorly.

If your DP is a good man he isn't going to do that but I can see why emotionally it's all coming back to you.

Dd was prem, in nicu the did the night feeds, and had machines attached to monitor her breathing so didn't worry about sids ect.
When I found out I was pregnant with next dd I was scared, shocked, every emotion you are feeling I felt. It's normal.
I was scared that I wouldn't love another child as much as dd because I love her with all my heart there's no more room. Well let me tell you there is, some weird way you don't lose love for your eldest your heart doubles.
When they gave me this newborn I was like wtf am I supposed to do, I was used tohaving to feed every 3hrs and because she didn't cry I had to set an alarm to wake me.
I could handle a prem any day, a newborn with no issues caused complete panic.
But I did have a good hv who knew my history and because I was scared I asked her to come round just to check I was doing OK, because I felt lost without having rules to follow, feeding on demand ect.
What ever you want to do it is upto you. Be kind to yourself, if you want some advice there are people to help you.

Justletmesleep Thankyou
My DD still doesn’t eat, I just thinks are easier than they were and feel like they have just become calm 🤣now I’m like ok no it’s going to start all over again.

Your ex sounds like a douche and you sound like a loving wonderful person. I understand feeling like you have no idea how to manage with a newborn alone. I also spent a while in the hospital with my dd when she was first born and I think I would feel that fear of not knowing if I could cope next time as we had so
Much support the 1st (that if we are lucky enough to conceive again!)

Hugs and congratulations :)

Firstly congratulations

I personally have not had a child in NICU or PICU, nor do I have a child with disabilities, so I will let those experienced talk about that.

What I can tell you is I have 2 children. We planned number 2, so he was very much wanted. But when I seen the positive on the stick, I had the same dread- how can I love this baby as much as ds1? It seemed impossible. I loved him so much, and couldn’t imagine loving another like him. I worried that I wouldn’t love him the same.

But my pregnancy progressed, and I loved my growing bump and I loved my little boy kicking around. When he was born (really fast 1 hour 40), the midwife placed him in my arms, I looked at him and realised I would do anything to protect my baby boy. That’s when I realised I loved him just like I loved ds1- more than anything else in the world.

So don’t worry about that OP, I think most parents have the same thought.

Rose he really is !
I am just afraid of being left alone with 2 plus daughters complex needs
Plus we will need to move as DD needs her own room.
She has the bigger room because of equipment and our room is a box room that literally fits our bed!

It will be alright. Given your circumstances it's totally understandable that you are torn, and the drs will offer you extra checks etc to reassure you, and the newborn care will be fine, we all did it for the first time and struggled before getting it right. As an paramedic/ambulance technician I'm sure your dp will be a great dad.

There's another way of looking at the situation, whilst it will be extra work during early childhood, later on your dc to be could be a help with your disabled dc particularly as an adult - not from a care point of view but someone else to look out for them.

I have 2 children with complex needs and 3 other children ( other 3 now adults ). Honestly you will love your new one with all the love and passion you feel for your first. And also think how it will enrich her life . She will have a sibling to dote on her and provide fun and entertainment.
I know what you mean about the bond because you have survived so much together but I love all mine equally and so will you.
I think it is great. What a gift! Many congratulations to you and your partner x

I have stopped shaking !

And taken another 2 tests 😂🤣
It’s defo positive !
I’m a little confused so here is another one ! I actually though I was pregnant 4 months ago !
All the signs etc but the test was negative !
I bled for one day.
Have had 1 day periods for a few more months.
Was due on again yesterday but I didn’t bleed at all.
So that’s why I took another test.
I’m so scared to tell him.

Ahhh bless you. Congrats! So do you think you’ve been pregnant for 4 months? Better speak to Gp if so. Oh but it’s the weekend! And you said a negative test previously.

I bet it will be lovely telling him, try to enjoy. And let us know how it goes!

All these emotions are normal.
Breathe!

I haven’t slept ! On the upside my kitchen is sparkling !
He is due home soon but obviously after night shift will want to sleep so another 7 hours of stomach butterflies !