AIBU partner lends money to friends

[Hihi2019]

My partner lends money to friends all the time and it is beginning to make me angry. Every week without fail one of his friends calls up asking for a loan of money, they pay it back the following week and a few days later ask for another loan.
This time it’s £600, to pay towards household bills, because they are skint. They will pay it back but a few days later ask for another loan.
Me and my partner both work hard for our money and have children together and everytime I tell him to stop, we aren’t a bank he yells at me.
We always argue about his friends, he shouts at me and tells me to eff off rather than tell his friends.

I’m beginning to hate my partner, he’s allowed his friends to ruin my kids birthdays, our rare holidays and even my home.
AIBU?

Sorry but it seems like he is more committed to their friendship than your relationship.
Ultimately you need to decide the fate of your relationship.

Why are you staying with him? You are beginning to hate him. I don’t understand why you want to stay.

because he threatens to kill him self if I leave.

he threatens to kill him self if I leave

That sounds like a bigger issue than lending money to friends who pay it back?

Well if he's that worried about you leaving he'd put you first and not his needy friends, surely? How have they ruined your house/parties etc?

He's lying about the threats btw. It's in the script.

Decorating house, shoddy half finished work.
Holidays calling us up nonstop with problems. We have went on 4 holidays in 20 years and each one they’ve ruined.
just really bad friends he has that use him and he’s to thick to realise it.
His friends pay him back, but at expense of the kids wanting something he can’t give them because he’s loaned money out.

I am aware he’s abusive to me, psychologically, and it’s easy to just leave for most people, I have no one to go to. I’m trying to make things work and cut these no users out our lives. He promised me years ago he’d get rid of them. He hasn’t.

I don't think many people in your situation find it easy to leave.
We can generally remember how daunting it was.
It's just that once we've left it's drastically improved our lives.

For eg I used to have really dreadful chronic fatigue, anxiety, I never slept.
I thought I would never manage to have a job.
It's been nearly 7 years now and life was tricky for a while but my health improved immediately and I have my dream job now.

You can't control his behaviour.
But I do remember spending many years trying, in the same situation.

Superloudpopping, I wish I was that brave. I’m a wimp. Not helped by my own mum saying the grass isn’t greener on the other side.

Do you own the house? Is there much equity in it? He’s abusive. You can carry on tolerating his shit behaviour or decide to make a change.

@Hihi2019
I’m sorry that you’re so stressed and unhappy, you definitely need help.
Have you spoken to your GP?
If not the Samaritans...

So he said years ago he'd stop and he didn't. I'm wondering what makes you think you can change him now?

OP, I hope my somewhat abrasive comments haven't put you off. Please keep posting - there's lots of lovely mumsnetters who'd like to help