AIBU to think MIL is being weird?

[abracadabrah]

I'm pregnant and my DH told his mother when he had gone over to see her.
When me and DH went over, she never congratulated me. She has never brought the pregnancy up! I'm not expecting to be congratulated on conceiving a child exactly, but everyone else has had something nice to say.
We had our scan a fortnight ago, DH phoned her when I had gone to the loo in a cafe afterwards to say everything went well, and she asked him what we were having! (boy/girl)
I feel like this is really weird.

1. She hasn't even discussed it with me (the person growing this child)
2. it was a dating scan so even if we wanted to find out we couldn't!
3. Surely the gender is for us to announce if we choose to and not for others to ask? I'd never ask first thing if friend/family were having a boy or girl...I'd just not assume their decision to find out or not and wouldn't put them on the spot to divulge.

Sorry if I'm just being hormonal and over reacting but to me it just feels really strange that she appears to be discussing it with DH but not the person who is actually pregnant and whose medical records they actually are

@AmIRightOrAMeringue perhaps...but I thought (despite her being awkward at times) that we had an ok relationship for DIL-MIL, I've talked to her about all sorts in the past, we have even discussed periods before! Problem is what she's doing makes me feel exactly that, I am a vessel for her unborn grandchild. That's how I feel because she will talk to DH about it but not me...like I'm a surrogate or something, I'm just the supplier of her next grandchild.

Yes its strange that she hasnt mention you being pregnant but of course people ask if you are having a girl or a boy or if you are going to find out, that comment makes me think that mayne you are both being a bit weird.

I've talked to her about all sorts in the past

Then talk to her about this or it will fester. Its already starting to

@FascinatingCarrot sorry I mentioned further up, I should have remembered sooner and stuck it in my OP but when I've been to see her I have mentioned having morning sickness and she ingores me and talks about something else... so I feel uncomfortable forcing it

you're all right about her asking about the gender, I guess it's just I feel somethings not right generally so the fact she doesn't want to /appears to not want to talk about my pregnancy but will then ask DH immediately after scan whether we are having boy or girl is something I've responded negatively to (but haven't mentioned this to DH or MIL)

Loads of people asked if I knew when I was pregnant. My XMIL was totally weird, we had the scan, then went to tell her as she lived nearby, so she was finding out before my own family. Her response was "oh no what are you going to do". I was 35, married and in a good job . I wish I had walked out there and then, but I didn't want to cause problems for XH with his mum. He did tell his DB what she had said and he brought it up with her.

She then said that she wasn't going to get excited as she had so many GC already. Maybe so, but it was her first from this particular child of hers! So he got no excitement and happiness, just the impression that we had done something bad!

It is weird that your MIL is not discussing it with you, only with DH.

He hadn't told her. Bet you everything I own that she doesn't know

Asking whether you found out if it’s a B/G is perfectly normal. If you find this intrusive from your MIL, best you get over it, because it’s going to be the least of your annoyances shortly. People ask all sorts.

As for her not congratulating you or discussing it with you, that’s pretty weird except you CHOSE not to be there when she was told. That’s pretty odd if you have an ok relationship with her. I read why you did it, but I still think it’s odd. It sends out a signal that YOU don’t want to discuss it with her.

Perhaphs say to her that you’ve noticed she doesn’t seem to want to discuss it with you, and ask if you’ve upset her or made her feel awkward by not telling her yourself.

It is odd of her to not congratulate you in person and it could be considered odd that she asked about sex, knowing it was your dating scan (although these days many people pay privately for Harmony tests and find out sex early so she could have been thinking along those lines??) but it sounds as though you've only seen her a few times and maybe as it was early days, she didn't want to talk about it 'just in case' ?

Key thing here is how your relationship is in general?

You mentioned it, but she didnt go into a conversation about it and thats kind of upset you.
abra, I do get your point to a certain degree but maybe shes worried she would come across as offering advice so just stayed quiet.
And dont forget. DH is the parent too (yes, I know hes not carrying baby but its true from her pov)

I'll be honest with you, every time I read 'pregnant and probably hormonal' it always seems to be to an opening to attack a MIL in some way.
Maybe I read too many MN MIL posts

@Mummylife2018 she does know! DH tells me when his mother has spoke to him about it/asked things, she knew we were having the scan, DH phoned her after scan to update her. If she didn't know, surely me bringing up my morning sickness would have prompted her to ask!

@FascinatingCarrot that made me laugh :) Its difficult for me to go see her as shes not exactly close by and work isnt 9-5, thing is I told my mum on my own (we both had own plans with our mothers that day) and my mum congratuled my DH first chance she got and has nattered to him about it without me even there, so I can't help finding MIL's attitude weird. I was hoping she would be more...well i don't want to say involved as I've read horror stories on here of boundary ignorant MIL's but certainly I had rose tinted visions of me and her and DH talking about it with excitement.

Well, maybe she thinks you're the weird one. You didn't go with your DH to announce the news ...you DH went alone. She's clearly local enough to the two of you. And he calls to update her when you're not around.

Maybe she's under the impression you're not interested in sharing your pregnancy news with her yourself.

She probably thinks that dh has told her but not told you that he's done so. She's waiting for you both to tell her together. Try it.

She’s probably been on here, if she has she will know that most dils hate their mils, that if mil even looks or asks a question they are interfering and everyone bar their own mums should go nc right away

I find it strange that your DH told her on his own, rather than when the two of you were together
A lot of us seem to think this is weird to do a ‘solo’ announcement. It would certainly send a message to me, that my DIL did not want to share details and pregnancy updates were to be via my DS.

My MIL walked out of the room and was found crying in the kitchen when we told them I was pregnant. Can’t say they were tears of joy.

I tried not to take it personally

I love my MIL, have been married for 16 years and have 3 children. This Christmas my MIL was talking to DH about a present that was not delivered in time, Ib was in the room and joined in the conversation, and she said 'Oh, she thinks we are talking about her', I said 'Yes, you just said F's present will now be delivered to our house'-- it was weird! i do think that sometimes, I am just a vessel to deliver her grandchildren and she would rather hang out with DH and the kids but honestly, I am more likely to share the minutiae of their lives with her so I am a necessary evil and she doesn't love me as much as she loves DH.