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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hurting relationship

3 replies

Habibinana · 25/01/2019 17:32

My husband and i are married for 5years and we have a toddler together. I gave my family and my job to live in another country..just be a hands on mom and stay at home wife like what we planned..i was contented in a way because he was a very caring and loving husband who provides everything we need.We are happy together or so i thought..until recently i discovered her regular textmate at work who is 13 years younger than him.i was not having suspicions at first but then i started to notice his smiles when texting 4months ago.he’s sometimes spending time with me and our baby but felt like his mind is somewhere else. He said he was just tired at work and knowing how difficult it is to be in the medical field i shrugged it off..I tried to be an understanding wife. There was one time, when he was with me and a name popped on his phone, twas the girl who he’d been talking to and without malice or being suspicious, again, i let go.i didnt ask him who she is coz i thought it was just a friend at work. And i was right, she was a friend like what he claimed to be but what made me confuse were the information that he allowed me to show on his phone when i exploded one time when i was having palpitations and it didnt fee right deep inside.i needed to let it out..it felt wrong, when i would be talking to him and he would cut and go to the other room just to text the woman.it felt wrong, when i would be waiting for him to take care of our baby but he was in the other room, busy texting. I was so hurt and i couldnt take it anymore after repeated demands, that if the friend that he’s involved with ,is true..introduce her to me but he refused and said that i would just make a problem to him and that i would be more suspicious and melodramatic..after letting him know how i felt and what i think about the friendship.he barred me from all his messaging app and i felt like im the police and he’s the criminal who runs away from me😰.. all i wanted was an honest relationship with no secrets no matter how small it is. But he lied by omitting information when he think it would hurt me or he thinks that i would misinterpret it.. several times, i was crying at night asking myself how can he be so inconsiderate about his wife’s feeling. He’s not planning to end his “friendly relationship” with the woman. Whatever complaints i have with him, he backfires it by blaming me of all the things i did wrong to him. Now, we are on vacation as a family and unsurprisingly he’s updating the woman each activity what we are having as a family..what should i do? I dont want to talk anout again and again with him coz he said,im choking him. I dont want him to leave us and i love my husband so much. I have no one to confide it with especially my family coz i dont want them to worry.pls help

OP posts:
R3b3kah · 25/01/2019 17:40

He’s an absolute arse, he shouldn’t be making you feel jealous and putting another woman before his wife. You deserve so much better than this.

Do you see any of the messages?

Habibinana · 25/01/2019 19:48

Unbelievable at it may seem, he stands his ground that the woman is just a friend and that i shouldbt be worried at all.all he asked is his small space🙄

OP posts:
AnoukSpirit · 25/01/2019 20:02

He's treating you badly but you don't want him to leave you?

He's treating you badly but you love him?

Are you sure you don't just love the idea of him? The dream of the relationship you wanted or thought you had?

What are you hoping we will tell you?

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