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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that SIL should keep her mouth shut

19 replies

theressomethingaboutmarie · 02/07/2007 09:16

about what I have and haven't bought for our impending arrival? I've bought a good selection of new born and 0-3 month plain babygros, vests etc as we've no clue about what size the baby is going to be.

She was over on Saturday night and asked to see the bits and bobs that I had bought (I'm 26 wks pg with our first) and proceeded to criticize every choice that we had made - too small, too big, too many, too few. It wasn't done in a helpful way either, she was laughingly dismissive and made me question myself and my choices. She's alot older than me (I'm 31 and she's in her early 50's - FIL has children from 2 marriages) so sure, she's experienced but to laugh and tell me that I "haven't a clue" is pretty damn rude right?

OP posts:

chevre · 02/07/2007 09:20

she is jealous, tell her to piss off. you will be given almost everything you need and you are perfectly capable to going to shops AFTER the birth. take care the enjoy your pregnancy!

nogoes · 02/07/2007 09:22

How can she criticise baby clothes?? A few people laughed at me because I bought newborn stuff, they said that newborn clothes were a waste of money because they would be too small and yet ds was too tiny for them and spent his first few weeks in early baby clothes so what did they know anyway?

Ignore her she sounds a bit loopy.

jeremyvile · 02/07/2007 09:23

How rude.

She sounds like she enjoyed making you feel uncomfortable. Does she normally behave this way?

The items YOU have bought are for YOUR baby, its not for her to comment or take the p*, she sounds like a bitter old witch who is trying to use her experience to put you down.

I would guess that none of what she said really had anything to do with your baby clothes but something else undrlying.

Saturn74 · 02/07/2007 09:24

She sounds very rude.
Certainly very tactless.
The mature approach is obviously to let her comments go over your head.
But I would be tempted to comment to her that you are going to go shopping for items for the baby later in the pregnancy, with a friend who is young and trendy, and isn't old fashioned and critical.

NoraBattymeetsYoda · 02/07/2007 09:26

Silly cow!( your SIL)

I hadn't bought anything at 26 weeks! Has she got a hairstyle you could criticise?

Seriously, don't bat an eyelash, she's obviously got her own issues, otherwise she would be more positive and make the same scenario fun and exciting for you. could it be that she is jealous? Or insecure?

Best of luck - it's exciting that you're going to be a mummy!

TinyGang · 02/07/2007 09:29

Is this your first and she's been there before and got the t-shirt?

I've got three now, but am very mindful of what I say to new/expecting parents. I can still remember how flippant remarks dressed up as 'advice' when I was expecting used to drive me nuts. They were all wrong too.

Enjoy this time and buying all the things you need. It's fun and exciting; I loved it. Don't let anyone spoil it for you.

fireflyfairy2 · 02/07/2007 09:31

She sounds like she's jealous!

Ignore her 'helpful' comments

BidingMyTime · 02/07/2007 09:33

Ah, that is just plain mean.
Different people want different things for their babies - I have friends who dress their babies, complete with shoes. I went for the body, babygro, bare feet approach - to lots of murmurs of disapproval .
Also, don't forget the generation gap - it has been a while since your SIL had babies and things do change. Just take no notice and do things your way and enjoy your growing collection of things. I loved shopping in "Boots", "M&S", "Gap" (sales!) - no, I didn't use all my things but got a lot of fun out of the planning and then, handed everything on, because lots of lovely people bought and gave me baby things.

TinyGang · 02/07/2007 09:36

Ooh yes hit her with a comment about how 'things have changed since your day'...

ratclare · 02/07/2007 12:49

oh laugh back and say ' well of course its soooo long ago since you had children ,you probably dont realise how clothing sizes have changed '

tuppy · 02/07/2007 13:12

Ignore her ! She's had her chance to be included in the fun you've had choosing things for your baby, and she's blown it. I'd just be coolly polite and rather distant, then maybe she'll leave you alone.
And yes it sounds like jealousy.

alicet · 02/07/2007 13:17

Nothing to add really other than I agree with what everyone has said. Try and rise obove it if you can and remember not to share such things with her in the future. Enjoy this fun time planning for your first and don't let her pathetic comments spoil your fun.

I am also 26 weeks pregnant although its my second. Why not join us over on the due on October thread? There are lots of lovely ladies there and just this am we have been chatting about what is good to buy for your baby. Hope to see you on there soon and good luck....x

krang · 02/07/2007 13:18

She is being a silly cow. Don't let her spoil the fun of choosing lovely things for your baby. DS was five weeks early and nothing was ready - his nursery didn't even have a floor - and I missed out on all the fun of deciding what to buy and folding all his little things up and standing in the nursery feeling satisfied - yes, I know I sound a bit mad but I would have loved to do that rather than frantically sending people out to grab random things! You ignore her! And don't forget that anything you end up not using you can always pass on to friends.

moljam · 02/07/2007 13:18

ignore her,shes sounds rude.she was probably trying to be helpful but its still not nice of her.next time she does it start ranting and raving then blame it on your hormones!
goodluck with baby!

LowFatMilkshake · 02/07/2007 13:32

Even if some of your choices turn out not to be right it's a learning curve that every new parent should go through - tell her to keep her opinions to herself and so what if the odd babygro goes unused

You do what you want and good luck

lillypie · 02/07/2007 13:43

buying baby things for the first time is so much fun.have exactly what you want and sod what anyone else thinks

Iklboo · 02/07/2007 13:54

Tell her that's maybe what they did in HER breeding days, but now times have moved on to a more modern approach.

Or tell her to feck off, whichever gives you more satisfaction.

What did your DH/DP say?

Original poster

theressomethingaboutmarie · 04/07/2007 10:07

Well, DH was having a few drinks with SIL that night (they'd had a big fall out a few weeks previously and were building bridges). He found it all hilarious (not thinking for a moment about how I felt). I, calmly, explained when SIL left that him not defending me made me angry and that I felt completely unsupported by him. He understood how I felt but said that I was taking her comments to heart. I told him that was all well and good for him to say it as he wasn't the one being criticised.

He apologised for being useless and agrees with you all that she is simply envious that it's not she who is pregnant. In fact DH, pointed out a few comments she had made and the way she had been during the night that made this abundantly clear. She never asked how I was, whether there were any kicks etc; she simply stared at my stomach all night and then did the "you haven't a clue" bit.

Next time she tries this on (believe me, there will be a next time), I'll tell her to mind her own business and that I will know best for my child - she's had her turn.

Thanks for the support!

OP posts:

ComeOVeneer · 04/07/2007 10:13

I had similar dealings with my SIl during both my pregnancies. What made it all the more ridiculous is she is younger than me and has no children of her own (it was all "when my friend was pregnant she did this/bought that, my friend said pregnant women shouldn't/should blah, blah, blah". It was blantantly obvious it was jealousy that for once her mother's atention was focused elsewhere than her. As others have said, rise above it, ignore her and enjoy your pregnancy (you only have your first pregnancy once, so don't let anything spoil it).

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