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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU changing 4 year olds hobby?

9 replies

dArtagnansCrumpet · 25/01/2019 14:13

Hi, I'm in a quandary and don't know if I'm being unreasonable, it's more for advice really.

My 4 year old is very shy and often refuses to speak to people, I was and am still like this letting people push me around, my parents never did anything to help and its effected my whole life, held me back. Anyway to the point.

I decided last summer to get her involved in more activities, more for socialising and confidence than anything. She goes swimming once per week on a Friday evening which she really enjoys. She also goes dancing twice per week (same place) but says she can take it or leave it, will go but isn't passionate about it. One of her good friends has now left and she hasn't made any new friends since September. They are huge classes and doesn't get any close tuition as far as I'm aware apart from copying the teacher. It's a massive hassle to get to the Tuesday lesson, it's local but I have to get someone to look after my son with ASD and get there and changed quickly for 4pm not long after school.

I also want her to start rainbows when she's 5 in July which is on the Tuesday evening after dancing which would be a really long day for her.

I've found a drama, singing and movement class around 30 mins away on a a Saturday morning which is the same price as the 2 dancing lessons combined but have smaller class sizes and seem really good. This would free up Tuesdays for rainbows only, Fridays swimming and dancing on Saturday.

Sorry if this is confusing just need some advice! Dd says she's not bothered either way. I just want her to grow in confidence. Thanks Smile

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 25/01/2019 14:16

Yanbu. I'd keep trying a few lessons of different activities and see if you can find something that grabs her interest.

RangeRider · 25/01/2019 14:18

I'd go with the drama option - drama would be good for her confidence, much better than dancing because she'll learn to fake it. And 2 activities on a Tuesday after school must be too much surely?

MyDcAreMarvel · 25/01/2019 14:21

Have you had her name down for Rainbows?

user1474894224 · 25/01/2019 14:21

She's 4 - there is no rush. Change her dancing. It makes it easier for you. If she doesn't get on with it....stop for now. My daughter was painfully shy - she did do swimming and ballet at 4. When she went to school she stopped dance - I tried her at another class but she didn't like it. When she went to school we found a class at school which I persuaded her to try - when she saw her friends were there she was happy. She did do rainbows (but cried the first few times - although she loved it in the end and now brownies). I have stopped pushing her now and realise that most things she does in her own time and she needs to feel secure to enjoy them. Otherwise she is just anxious about it.

dArtagnansCrumpet · 25/01/2019 14:22

I mean she's done two shows but her confidence isn't growing with dancing. She loves swimming and she's smiling, shouting and laughing looks really happy when she's there. I would have loved to have done acting or the like when I was younger, I don't want to push her though.

If she stayed at the Tuesday dancing I don't think I'd send her to rainbows it would be a massively long day for her!

OP posts:
dArtagnansCrumpet · 25/01/2019 14:26

I enquired about rainbows last year to put her name on the list, they should get in touch around her birthday.

Thanks user, I want to help her confidence whilst she is still little I don't want a life of social anxiety like me, maybe I'm worrying too much?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 25/01/2019 14:27

Honestly? She’s not shy-she’s 4. If she doesn’t enjoy dancing just stop. If she loves swimming keep it going. Try Rainbows (are you on the waiting list?) and see if she likes it. But relax about the shyness. She’ll be a different person in a month’s time!

LadyLaSnack · 25/01/2019 14:29

I was painfully shy at the start of secondary school. Could barely talk to teachers, was bullied etc.

I had done ballet from the age of 5.

I started drama aged 13 and my confidence skyrocketed. I think it was to do with speaking on stage (rather than dancing).

SarahET · 25/01/2019 14:32

I think perhaps your experience is making you worry more than you need to. I was similarly shy as a child but got more confident as I got older. She may stay shy but equally she may not. I'd concentrate on the hobbies she loves.

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