To still cry for my mum?

[hallierr]

Feel a bit stupid typing this but here goes.
I'm 33 now nearly 34.
My mum died of cancer when I was 14.
I still cry probably every day.
Still think about her every single day.
She was my best friend.
Even typing this I'm crying.
I've started counselling and as soon as the therapist said 14 is very young to loose a parent I burst into tears.
I bumped into one of her good friends and she hugged me and I started crying.
It's nearly 20 years ago.
Is it always going to be like this?
Is it wrong to still cry?

Very sad that you lost your mother so young . Fine to think of her every day, but unusual to still cry every day. Is your dad still around? Do you have other family?

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. I lost mine when I was fairly young too and it's nearly 10 years ago now. Did you have bereavement counselling at the time?
I called Cruse bereavement care the other day because I went through a few days of intense grief again for my Mum, sometimes we can't predict what can trigger it to come up again.
Grief has its own timetable, you were so close to your Mum, this loss has affected your life in a profound way. Perhaps exploring this with a counsellor or psychotherapist would be worthwhile? There are free (charitable) services available in some areas eg.Cruse or you can find a qualified psychotherapist online and many offer a sliding affordability scale for pricing.

Oh jings that is very young you were a child .I lost my mum when I was 42 she 62 and I thought that was young if you need to cry everyday then just do I dont think you ever get over it you just have to learn to live with it .Maybe keep the counselling going it may help .

It’s not wrong or stupid to still cry for your mother. I understand the devastation of losing your mother at a young age, although I wasn’t nearly as young as you. Your grief is multi-layered, emotional, physical and very much part of who you are. You can perhaps find a way to use it for good, like increasing your compassion for others. Most of all, I would suggest that you examine it. Determine if it’s being helpful or detrimental.

I didn't have any counselling no.
After she died it was strange,we had no pictures of her in the house.
All her clothes got thrown out.
She was just gone.

You poor love, how horrible to lose your mum at such an early age.

I'm 65 and lost my mum three years ago and still cry but it's not every day. I do think of her and my dad every day, so does nearly everyone I know who's lost their parents.

It sounds as if you're kind of "stuck" at a point in the grieving process and have been unable to move on. Hopefully the counselling will help you to do that. Your mum would hate to think of your grief for her spoiling your life, would looking at it like that help? She gave you your one and only life, the best way of honouring her memory is to live it to the full.

💐

Oh I just want to give you a hug. 14 is so young to lose a parent, and it sounds like you have not moved forward with your grief which is understandable given you lost her at such a formative age. It is of course not wrong to still cry but it does seem like it is really affecting your life negatively in an acute kind of way, which cannot be good for your mental health. Do you feel up to contacting a bereavement counseller? I lost my mum when I was 33, and I thought that was too young - you have my every sympathy x

It’s not stupid, unreasonable or anything of the sort. You poor thing. I am so sorry for you. I think you’re strong for getting help

I wish you all the very best x

sorry about your mum.
I lost my mum when I was 15, which was now 28 years ago, and I had a very intense crying episode only last week.
I personally have learned to manage the loss over time and don't cry every day, but now and again things do set me off, usually unexpectedly.
I still have the same issue of breaking into tears if I see someone who knew my mum, especially when they remark at how much I look like her.
Counselling really helped me, which I only really engaged with properly around 10 years ago after a very extended breakdown of grief, so I would suggest continuing, especially if you are crying everyday.
I actually felt worse in the beginning of the counselling as I was addressing issues I had locked away.
Hope you can start to feel better and think of your mum without it being painful for you

I lost my mum a few years ago (I'm a lot older than you) and I frequently cry when I think about her.
With a death it's not just that they have gone, but the possibility of any new memories and time together is gone too.
I don't think I'll ever recover from my mums death, but I can carry on my normal day to day life.
You some like you are 'stuck' in your grief as a pp said. You definitely should explore counselling, it does sound like you need to talk about your mum and your grief to someone at length and really discuss what happened and how that has felt and what you can do to move forward (without worrying you will forget her)

No you are not unreasonable or stupid or wrong or anything at all like that to still cry for your mum.

I lost my nana, who lived quite far away though we were fairly close, when I was 13 I still cry for her sometimes. I'm 28 now.

I don't think you ever really get over genuine grief. You just sort of learn to live with it.

14 is very young to loose a parent, especially if you have a good relationship like it sounds like you did, and that is bound to leave lasting trauma. You were only a child.

There is no right or wrong way or length of time to grieve. Be kind to yourself op

Just to add when you wrote about her things being gone, the same happened with me.
My dad got rid of everything, which I now understand as an adult was his way of dealing with his grief, he also didn't want to talk about her.
I eventually worked through these feelings in counselling, but had a lot of pent up anger with my dad about these things.
Its an awful feeling, when you just think everyone wants you to forget about her and move on, and like she was never even there

YANBU.

You poor thing

Would it be worth having some grief counselling. You need support and lots of love. 💕

OP, you're not just grieving the loss of your mum 20 years ago, you're grieving so much more than that - you are grieving that your mum won't meet your firstborn, that she won't see you walk down the aisle, that she's not there to help you buy your first house etc.

I lost my dad at 22-23 and I still get very upset about those things ten years later.