Pregnant with no sex life

[PhoebeBear]

Okay guys. I need a bit of advice
I'm currently almost 12 weeks and me and partner are over the moon we're having our first child! Baby was planned and since the day we found out I'm pregnant DP hasn't had sex with me anymore, so it's been 3 month! I try to be loving towards him... he gets home about 11 every night and by then I'm usually asleep. Yesterday we had a day off together, we slept in and had every chance but he didn't seem bothered. I've been feeling really down lately and this on top is getting to me, I almost feel as if he's lost all interest maybe because of the pregnancy? Has anyone else been through this? I feel so shit x

I think it's normal for one partner to lose interest during pregnancy. In our case I can't stand being touched when pregnant. My skin burns and I feel hot and itchy and any contact makes my skin crawl.

Same here, but I have had awful morning sickness and been quite unwell so I actually appreciate no sex expectations!
It was similar with DD one, PFB so worried about harm (logically I know there is none) and then I got huge and it became an epic task.
It’s great a while after baby getting back into the swing of it.

@Seline I heard a couple of mums to be mentioning about feeling hot and not wanting their partner to touch them.

So do you think it's normal and it's just me? We used to have sex about 3 times a week and now not at all, I'm worried later on this will continue as my bump grows he might make up some excuse about it. Or when baby comes I know we'll both probably be too tired and worn out for it.

@phoebe I don't think it's just you, I think people react to it differently and either reaction is normal! Sometimes partners are afraid of hurting the pregnancy. Which is impossible unless you have complications like placenta previa but people do worry.

That’s life unfortunately. We couldn’t do it for the whole nine months because it was a high risk pregnancy. Then there were a few months of bleeding and healing after giving birth. And now we still can’t do it because our 1yo doesn’t sleep unless he’s with us in our bed. We never have even five minutes alone together. It’s part of the consequences of having a baby unfortunately - life gives and takes away in equal measure. One day our kid will sleep and we might be allowed to do it again - or even just sleep through the night, which tbh would be our first option if we had a night to ourselves!

Talk to him.

Talk to him.

Talk to him.

Maybe you've been complaining about being tired/nauseous and he thought he was doing you a favour not asking. Maybe he finds the thought of a tiny person in there to be deeply unsexy. But you won't know until you ask him. And if you can't have conversations about the relatively easy stuff (sex in pregnancy) you're going to really struggle to make it through all the challenges and difficult conversations that kids bring.

I've sent him a message as he's on his way to work now, he sent me one as he left saying how he's proud of me and I'm doing great so he clearly knows I was upset before. I've said how I feel and I feel almost relieved just typing my thoughts out and sending it to him.
I know my hormones will be all over the place at the moment and I don't want to sound like a sex craving lunatic that needs jt every second LOL but I just need him to know that it's making me feel down

Yeah I knew it, DP thinks it will hurt the baby..

My husband didn't initiate sex at all once I was pregnant and I felt really rejected.
We (eventually!) talked about it and he'd read in a dad book that he should wait for me to make the first move. While I hadn't wanted to make any moves as I thought he didn't find me attractive while I was pregnant.
So please talk to him about it and find out what's going on!

@FrowningFlamingo maybe I need to get my partner one of these dad books!
I always try making the first move but it never seems to go anywhere. We even cuddled the other day (tmi) he got 'excited' then turned over 🙄
I did text him saying remeber what the MW said about sex being safe but he says what if I bleed... Just going to see how things go but the main thing is I got it off my chest how I feel and put it out there

It sounds like he's a bit frightened. Which I can understand.

I've been through this and it's absolutely soul-destroying. My libido was through the roof when I was pregnant. My DH's, suffice it to say, wasn't. I tried talking to him until I was blue in the face but remained unsatisfied and unconvinced by the answers; I thought and still think he was humouring me. I'd had a lot of pregnancy losses and was already feeling hellish about my body because of this. I wondered if this was the case with him, too, and for understandable reasons he just didn't want to tell me.

I hope you work it out. Just letting you know that this isn't an entirely uncommon reaction among fathers-to-be, and that you're not alone.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks you poor thing. I know it's crazy you don't want to seem like a sex maniac but the feeling of think you're not wanted physically is awful.
Just to get it right though it is totally safe? I'm almost 12 weeks so I'm kinda in the 'safe zone'
He messaged me saying he was worried in case it made me bleed but I heard it's only a problem if your pregnancy is high risk x