to ask what you'd contribute

[opiniongathering]

Posting here for traffic, sorry if not the right place.

DP has a car and always has since we met when I was still at Uni. I came from a poor family and managed to pay for my driving lessons at 17/18 but as soon as I passed I couldn't afford a car/insurance and my parents were below the poverty line so I couldn't get help. Then I went to uni, not much need for a car.

Then I graduated, work in central London but live in home counties. No need for a car in London. DP moved from t'North to Home Counties where I was born and raised and we saved to buy a property, obviously easily commutable for me and he's a teacher so can pretty much work anywhere.

The property we could afford (because DP wasn't as good at saving and we were going in 50/50) was an hour walk from the station but a 5 min drive and en route to my DP's work.

He wanted me to contribute to petrol, I agreed and gave £10 a week. A figure he was happy with as I didn't go in every day.

However, I don't work everyday in London, sometimes I'm at home (2 days a week) and sometimes I'm out on clients outside of London (and expense any form of travel- currently a month). I hope to get a car this year but until then, since we use DP's car for any outside of work travel and we are moving so I can now walk to the station, what exactly would you contribute?

So he would drive to take the dog to the woods, he would drive to his parents, airports, etc.

Just to clarify I have no rights to drive his car, he probably wouldn't want me to (expensive car) and I haven't driven for 7 years now so would be too expensive to insure me on his.

Sorry that this is unnecessarily long!

Sorry OP, just to clarify, are you asking how much petrol money to contribute for OH dropping you off a the station a couple of times a week? That he is passing anyway? To be honest my DH wouldn't ask for a penny and I would never think to offer.

Is there more going on? You mention he is bad at saving and you split the cost of the house 50/50. Do you earn roughly the same? How long have you been together? Is your money separate in all areas?

He shouldn't have been asking you to contribute at all. The station is on his way to work! My partner drives and I don't but he's never wanted petrol money from me even when we've driven 4 hours to see my family.

Are you happy in this relationship?

All a bit of a strange set up, but generally, I'd say it was a family car, used for both of you to get to work and for family activities, so it should be paid for by joint money.

You absolutely shouldn't be giving him anything. Nor should he expect it. What a tightwad.

I have a little car , my partner and I have a house ( bought) I drive , partner doesn't , I pay all car costs , running, repairs, petrol , bills etc , I run him to work ( about 20 mins due to slow traffic) and also run him about should he be called out when it's his duty on call ( middle of the night could be 40 mins to 4 hours ) I do all of this because we are a team , a partnership etc etc and wouldn't dream of asking him for a contribution, we also like long weekend road trips, again I pay the fuel and usually he pays the accommodation ,
I wouldn't dream of asking him for fuel contributions , he's more than generous in every way .

find it baffling that you have a house together but quibble over petrol. Why is he even asking you for money? I can’t wrap my head around it at all

this seems so complicated the way you have posted it, it seems to me that for the short term you should just keep giving him the £10 you agreed to, running a car involves so much more than petrol, with tax and insurance servicing etc, but him having you saves you a long walk three days a week, I know this wont be the case when you move but if its say lashing rain or icy you might take a lift I assume, I also assume if you need to do a big shop the car is involved, you both get benefit of it weekends etc , but when you have your own can you will stop. Simply because you do plan to get your own soon i'd carry on, if it didn't look like you'd get your own i'd be more likely to say you should look at household bills and anything you maybe get more benefit of- say heating cos your home two days a week, i'd say rather than splitting it 50/50 you say we add a figure into the pot, as he covers all the car costs. there has to be some give and take in my opinion

I'd view both the car running costs and your train fares as "bills" and split both 50/50 or in whichever way you deal with other joint bills.

Honestly, what's the world coming to when someone won't give their partner a ride to work a couple of times a week when they're going that way anyway without asking for petrol money?

Of course you should pay :-/ you need it to get to work. Are you in the car with him other times? To go to joint places? Shopping etc.? The exact split is dependant on how much the car is just for places HE needs to go vs the both of you.

What?! Your DH wants you to give him petrol money for a couple of lifts?

Beyond weird. I can't understand that mentality at all. What a tight, begrudging and mean way to treat your spouse.

How do you share other joint bills?

How do your earnings compare?

I don't think you should pay petrol money as such. But maybe a contribution to the running costs of the car which you both benefit from. But it depends on so many other things... I bet there is a back story coming...