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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s relaly not nice to post unflattering photos of others on fb

45 replies

LardLizard · 24/01/2019 20:55

A friend has been tagged in on a awful photo, by her sister
This friend is one of those people that does always like to post nice photos of herself and others
She gets a good angle etc and and does post a lot
Anyway her sister has posted a photo of her
Looking awful, face all screwed up so she looks wrinkled and old and she’s not
Sweating and pulling a dreadful face
With a comment about auntie drinking on duty.....
Friend jut replied With thanks for this awful photo of me
I’d just changed a horrendous nappy and needed a drink
So I think she may me upset

Then the girls dad chimes in that friend was being a good auntie doing the horrible nappy and looking after the baby during the lunch
You can clearly see friend is trying to eat lunch in said awful photo whilst holding the baby too
Her sisters baby

OP posts:

TheDarkPassenger · 25/01/2019 07:56

Life is a lot easier when you learn to laugh at yourself

redcarbluecar · 25/01/2019 07:58

Yeah I think it's a bit out of order and insensitive to put pictures of people on FB that are clearly unflattering. I think it's more out of order not to take a pic down if someone asks you to. As others have said though, you can adjust your settings to control tagging.

ambereeree · 25/01/2019 08:00

Worst is when people post happy birthday pictures of a great friendship picture. Great for the poster that is.

hazandduck · 25/01/2019 08:04

See I think I’m the opposite, I’d rather have bad pics of me online and then pleasantly surprise someone with how I actually look in person...never get the whole “remove that pic!” thing, it just feels like taking life (and social media) way too seriously. It’s only Facebook.

redcarbluecar · 25/01/2019 08:07

@Ribbonsonabox - totally agree about it often being subjective, and I’ve been annoyed in the past about being asked to take down what I thought was a lovely pic because ‘I don’t like my hair on it’ etc. Would still probably take it down though if asked.
Some pics though are really obviously unflattering - person looks bigger than they are, is gurning, eating, doing bitch resting face etc. It doesn’t take much of a leap of common sense to realise that person probably wouldn’t like you making the photo public.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/01/2019 08:13

Could the sister think the photo looked natural.
I don't really like photos of myself, but I don't like heavily edited or posed photos either.
It can come across slightly obsessive.
There is a time and place, when you're on a night out looking good otherwise with a scrunched up face not so bad.
On a beach in a bikini is different as you're not in normal wear.
I am sure most celebrities would love the option to choose their photos. I don't know how they cope.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 25/01/2019 08:27

The only time this is okay is when you all look awful in the pic, fancy dress / pulling stupid faces or something and that was the point of the picture. I wouldn't mind that, but just a horrible pic of one person is very cuntish.

I don't post any pictures on FB so my opinion is only related to what people tag me in, I can't be arsed with the worrying I may offend someone putting up a pic they don't like, even if I saw nothing wrong with it.

brownmouse · 25/01/2019 08:30

I'm actually feeling really sorry for those of you who are upset or care about this. It's a photo. No one will remember. You all sound very fragile TBH.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2019 08:33

I disagree. You're not all Mariah Carey are you? It's not a model shoot, they're photos of everyday life. The only time I do agree is if there's a wardrobe malfunction of some kind. Obviously if someone's underwear is showing, take down the photo, but if someone doesn't look great?
You know that what you look like in real life is what people actually see don't you?

CarolDanvers · 25/01/2019 08:43

I'm actually feeling really sorry for those of you who are upset or care about this. It's a photo. No one will remember. You all sound very fragile TBH.

Oh please don’t waste any emotions feeling really sorry for me. I’m perfectly secure in how I look. I don’t wear make up ever really and I spend very little on clothes. I take lots and of exercise and am very fit. However I do not like a photo that doesn’t actually really reflect what I look like representing me. Framing that as being “fragile” when what you really mean is shallow is actually a bit of a veiled, scoffing insult and makes you sound as though you think yourself superior to all those silly fluffy ones among us that care a bit about how we look.

livefornaps · 25/01/2019 08:45

Thank you OP, this post gave me a good laugh this morning haaaahaaaaa

"Auntie drinking on duty" while sweating with her face screwed up - proper lol.

To be honest, everyone on social media is so obsessed with how they look themselves, they barely give other people a glance. All of the "likes" and comments of "you look gawjus, hun" is only currency they spend so that they get those likes and comments back in return!

As a result, we all prance about thinking after a few "tweaks" of those ludicrous filters then we all look like Gazelle. When really most of us have a face like a slapped arse and big apron bellies splurging everywhere.

Collectively, we need to get over ourselves.

In the meantime, adjust your privacy settings.

Member984815 · 25/01/2019 09:06

My sister does this to me , in fact other people have pointed it out . Drives me mad but she's just showing herself up because it makes her look like a bitch

Bluntness100 · 25/01/2019 09:24

You know that what you look like in real life is what people actually see don't you?

Why would you post something that is a moment in time and makes someone both feel and look bad? What do you get out of doing it?

ReginaGeorgeIsAFuglySlut · 25/01/2019 11:13

I have a friend who used to do this all the time. I called her out on it jokingly a few times, once while her sister was their and the sister lost it laughing and said she could not agree more. My friend no longer does it. I feel a bit bad though because despite being very attractive she is older and I think aging has knocked her confidence a little. I couldn't really care because people see me at unflattering angles all the time in real life but found a little irritating because I don't believe in bringing others down to bouy yourself up.

foxtiger · 26/01/2019 23:16

I kind of have the opposite problem with one of my friends. She will often take photos that I quite like and then say she can't put them anywhere because they're unflattering of me. I assume she means I look fat in them, but that doesn't bother me in the slightest because objectively speaking I am fat. My friends know what I look like, they're not going to be surprised or disgusted. I keep telling her it's OK to post any photos of me but she won't unless she deems them "flattering." It really pisses me off. To be fair she also rejects a lot of pictures of herself as "unflattering" so she may just be assuming I don't like the same things she doesn't like in a photo, but I've told her lots of times it's fine.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2019 23:32

"Why would you post something that is a moment in time and makes someone both feel and look bad? What do you get out of doing it?"

If I only have one or two photos from an event, I'm not going to spoil it for everyone else if one person thinks they don't look good in the photo.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2019 23:34

This is a bit like being on a thread with teenagers to be honest. Do you all think FB is a place to show how great you look? For me, photos are for recording memories, special events, things like that.

Mylovelies · 26/01/2019 23:42

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney
"A relative of mine has a picture of me, in swimwear, weeks after giving birth"
D'you know what? Just for getting in swimwear weeks after giving birth I think you're probably pretty awesome...whatever you felt you looked like.

SemperIdem · 27/01/2019 00:10

My dad, bless him, is a nightmare for this. Loves “natural” photos and has an innate talent for taking shots of me that make me look like I can’t blink both eyes simultaneously (I really can). He is the reason I have the approval setting on for tagging photos on FB.

He genuinely thinks they’re all lovely shots 🤨

medusa83 · 27/01/2019 11:36

My husband has the most horrific photo of me as part of his profile pic. I look dreadful. Not what I want his snooping ex's to be viewing! However he likes it so I ignore it.

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