Am I stuck up for not wanting to go to friends birthday?

[namechange9901]

It's my good friends birthday this weekend. We've been friends since we were preteens.

She's in a fairly high up job, so I don't really understand the company she keeps when she's out of work hours but they're definitely not my people - and they're the other people that are going to be at her birthday night out.

They recreationally use drugs, have partners involved in drugs and fighting and stuff. I don't like to use the words as it sounds really stuck up but they're chavs. (And I'm someone who grew up on a council estate and associated with it all as a teen too so I wouldn't consider myself stuck up!) I just don't really want to be associated with these sorts of people.

I've dropped hints that I'm not going but every time she's been really dramatic and offended and begs me to go. I'm building up now to tell her I'm not going and debating whether to tell her my reasoning.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

YANBU. I don’t go to anything now that I’m not looking forward to or want to attend. I used to be a people pleaser and end up out and miserable. Not anymore!

Arrange a birthday night out just the two of you. A nice meal so you can have a proper chat then drinks after.
No need to slag off her other friends. Just say you can't make the other night. If she really pushes you explain you aren't comfortable with the drug taking. Again don't be too nasty about her friends!

Oh and YANBU!

'I cant go but id love to take you out next weekend instead!'

Something along them lines. Do something just the two of you another day Give her an alternative choice to an absolute no.

And wtf at the drug use?!

If it was just an event that wasn't your cup of tea, or you found her friends a bit dull I'd say you should suck it up for a birthday but in this case YANBU. I wouldn't feel comfortable violent drug users either.

I’m also somebody that’s stopped going to things just because I feel I should. I tend to be vague and just say I can’t make it. No point in going and wasting an evening and money when you know you’d rather not.

Just tell her that it isn't your scene, but you'd love to celebrate another time with just the two of you.

I wouldn't be comfortable with that either.

I don’t think ‘I’m not going to your birthday night out because all your friends are violent, anti-social drug addicted thugs’ will go down well, but cancelling and arranging a separate birthday night out is perfectly reasonable. And I think everyone has one friend whose other friends are inexplicably awful — I know I do. I just see her one on one.

Agree with pp - don't go if you don't wish to. Also, as suggested, arrange another night for you and her.
Just a thought - is it possible she has more in common with the other friends than you realise?

Is she having a party, going for a meal or what? If it's a party you can leave when you want, if it is a meal they aren't likely to be doing drugs at the table.

It's a difficult one. I don't know what I'd do but I'm not bothered by 'chavy' people, they may not be my choice of company but they don't offend me. I also think there is usually more to people than what I see on the surface. I'd probably make an effort and at least show my face.

YANBU. No way I would be going out anywhere with the sort of people you described.

She's in a fairly high up job, so I don't really understand the company she keeps when she's out of work hours but they're definitely not my people

But they are HER people. Not sure what her job has to do with the type of friends she has. Anyway, if you don’t want to go then don’t go.