I know I should ignore it but I can’t

[Wonkydonkey44]

My narcissistic mother in law has given my ex directory phone number to my husbands ex wife and I am fuming . I know I can’t ring her and have a go because that’s just feeding into her weirdness so give me some great ideas to get back at her please!

Grow up.

There must be a reason she wants to contact you. Perhaps she is ill or something.

I can’t see anything to be upset about here. It’s a number. You don’t have to answer. If she rings loads and harasses you - contact the people. But she isn’t/hasn’t has she?

‘Get back’ at your mil makes you sound a nightmare

Police not people!

How do you know?

No-one should give out someone else's telephone number. The thing to do is pass on a message and then there is a choice whether or not to contact. Why does ex-wife want to contact after all these years? There must be a reason, perhaps your mother in law knows what it is. However she was wrong to tell her the number, I agree ex-directory means 'private'.

Someone else suggested getting a 'caller display' phone and I think that would be a good idea.

How did you find this out?

Have you any idea why the ex is wanting your DH's number, is it to contact him about something specific or just to have it? I don't think she can do much harm by having the number

Also wondering how you know.

Does your dh have children with his ex?
My step-daughter is 3 and my DH has probably only spoken to his ex-wife twice since SD graduated from university, 12 years ago. But, on both occasions that they did need to speak, it was because SD was unwell/had had an accident. Her mother lives near her, we don’t. So even though, we don’t have any relationship with his ex any more, I made sure she had our phone number when we moved house last year.
Are there adult children (or other family members) that mean they might need to be in touch with each other in an emergency?

Has she been seen by any professionals to warrant a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

It's just that the term 'narcissistic' gets banded about left right and centre on MN and I wonder how accurate it actually is.

My 'D'M did have NPD and I'm diagnosed with cPTSD from the trauma she caused. True narcissists are dangerous people.

Personally I wouldn't be bothered about a number being given out unless there's a big backstory of harressment from DH's ex.

We have a 'TrueCall' device. You can programme it to 'zap' (ie; block) numbers, so they don't even ring.

why would she call?
if you have caller display you dont have to answer

How do you know? Has the ex wife called? What did she want?

Unplug the landline. Do people still even use them?

Love this arrogant type of comment! Yes, we do, unless I want to stand at the bottom of the garden to make a call. We're not all in an irban jungle.

Are you with bt or another phone company? If you are with bt you can set up a service where you can block numbers if you have the number to block or immediately after they have called (only works if nobody phones right after she has). Personally I would block your MIL whilst you are at it. You would have been better posting this question on the relationship board, as you would get more understanding there- Aibu is a free for all where black is white and white is black so you will get a lot of yabu posts.

I get you though, having been through counselling and gone nc with my own milfh, my home is my safe space and having an extra toxic woman invade that space thanks to your toxic mil is just not ok! You have the upper hand here, block your dh’s ex and his Mother whilst you are at it! She has made your landline and in turn your home feel ‘unsafe’ so she doesn’t get to use it anymore. She can contact your dh on his mobile/ social media or email. My therapist helped me to see that I deserved and needed to feel safe in my own home and that if my in-laws were going to use our landline to abuse me then I was more than entitled to reclaim that space and cease all contact between myself and my in-laws. You owe your mil nothing- your dh can contact his Mother as and when he wants but you don’t need to have anything to do with her.

block your dh’s ex and his Mother whilst you are at it!

Block your partner’s mother’s phone number? What kind of toxic shit is that?

If you want a “safe space” in your home, get rid of the phone altogether and just have your own mobile where you can control the calls. Or if you want not to be scared about phone calls, get caller ID and just ignore the numbers you don’t want.

OP, the divorce was 20 years ago, are you really not over it yet?

Block your partner’s mother’s phone number? What kind of toxic shit is that?

The toxic shit you referred to is called protecting your own mental health and that of your families! I had to listen to serious toxic abuse towards me and my dh being shouted over our answering machine by my MIL, GMIL, AIL and BIL when I chose to block them (using your method of ignoring their numbers through caller ID - unfortunately I HAD to keep our answer machine on, to allow my disability social worker and other agencies involved in my care to contact me). Given my dh at that point was suicidal, I felt more than justified in protecting him from the cruel vicious narcissist (mil) and her team of equally nasty flying monkeys who were set of sticking the boot in at the time. As someone who has experienced a real toxic mil, I know the importance of protecting my family! If OP’s situation is anywhere near as toxic then she would be best protecting herself and her dh just as I did!

What's the issue with him having contact with ex anyway if she needs to phone after 11 years it must be important?

I have contact with my ex dh (our
Kids are grown up but we are still friendly)
Dp has contact with his ex wife.

What's the issue?