To have a quickie wedding and expect guests to sort themselves out?

[Cheapskatebride]

So, DP and I have been together for years and have DCs together. Weve talked about getting married for years but haven’t mainly due to me needing a rocket up my arse to get anything sorted out! I can’t be bothered with the fuss and ridiculousness that often comes with weddings either.

Basically I’ve booked it on the spur of the moment. A lovely hotel about a 2 hr drive from where we live (it’s somewhere I’ve always said I’d like to marry). First of all I thought we may just elope with the kids and not tell anyone until afterwards and DP said that was fine.

Except now I’ve booked it he’s changed his mind and wants his parents there! This means I will have to have my immediate family too (which causes problems in itself with family politics and a couple of people I don’t actually want there).

But what I’m really asking is, is it unfair to expect people to make their own travel/accommodation arrangements and especially at short notice - to a place quite a drive from home? We can’t put everyone up in the hotel. The hotel where the wedding is being held is quite pricey and I doubt my family will pay it - do u think it’s mean as they will prob have to stay in a cheaper hotel/b&b?
Also our plan is to have the ceremony and then move to the hotel restaurant for drinks and a meal. Anyone have experience of doing this? Do u think it seems cheap? I’m just thinking if there’s only going to be around 14 of us it’s too small a party for a private wedding breakfast situation. Sorry, so many questions but my heads going round in circles and now I’m thinking should I re-book it for later in the year and save more money. I’m worried people are going to think: travelling for 2 hours/potentially having to take 2 days holiday from work/paying for our own accommodation/just ceremony then a meal afterwards - no party etc... does it sound crap?

Why do his parents being invited mean that your immediate family have to be invited?

You don’t need to throw a party for immediate family. Quick ceremony and meal is fine. I would pay for everyone’s meal and drinks.

Oh there’s no way I couldn’t have my mum and siblings (and by extension their partners..groan!) if his mum and dad were coming. I love my mum, sister and brother loads it’s just I was trying to keep it very, very simple!

Oh and yes will be paying for food and drinks!

This sounds like the perfect wedding to me. I'd love to just go to the ceremony and then for a meal, with no pressure to stay at the hotel, no bossy bride dictating dress code, no flight abroad etc.
Two hours away is not too far to travel - you can tell a selected few guests that they are very welcome but no pressure if they feel it's too much.
Don't delay or get dragged into other people's wishes for your wedding. Have the lovely relaxed day that you want.
I think it sounds gorgeous.

Do you think those you dislike won't come if you do it like this? If so, stick with it!

Are your parents alive? If so why not just invite them, same as dp and leave it at that (unless they are the ones you don't want there). Do not feel obliged to invite anyone else. A meal after the ceremony is perfect. It doesn't sound crap at all. Could you put the parents up in a nearby bnb or offer to pay a few pounds towards hotel accommodation? Whatever you do, suit yourselves and don't get into debt over it or that will just spoil the event. Congrats!

I don’t see the problem , you invite them and they decide whether they want to a) come at all and b) want to spend the money . It’s your wedding and you do it just however you want to .

See your mum is alive - why not just have her from your side?

hollowtalk that’s entirely possible!

We left it to the guests to sort themselves out. Wasn’t an issue.

I would be honest and cheery when telling them: "So we were going to just sign papers and have a bit of us-time afterwards, but we've now thought that it would be nice to have you there. Would you like to join us and we can all go for a meal afterwards?" That way it sounds like what it is, a spurt of the moment decision to include people, they would be pleased you changed your mind to include them and there won't be expectations of a "big event"?

I’d def have to have my mum and sis there, brother and his gf I’m not as fussed about but it would be nice (I couldn’t not invite them I’d feel too guilty) tho I’m not sure they’ll get the time off work. My dsis has a new partner whom I’ve met once and I suspect she’ll want him there. Dsis has two sons, one is fine the other is a complete degenerate and there’s no way I want him there. But I can’t invite one and not the other.
But It’s my mums partner I’m most concerned about tbh. He’s very ill but it wouldn’t surprise me if he insisted on coming and then spoilt the day by having a ‘turn’ (which he does regularly). I know that sounds awful but he’s a bit of a nightmare, going back years. I can imagine him commanding all my mums attention and being the belligerent, rude sod that he is. At the same time I don’t feel I can say to my dm “I want u to come but not him”.

This is why I just wanted to elope....aaaargh!!!!

Sounds like your mum's partner can't resist making himself the centre of attention.

If it's two hours away, would it be cheaper for family to book a taxi between them, rather than pay to stay overnight?

Why not just get married at a registry office. It seems strange to have a hotel wedding without the guests and pomp.

if you can't or don['t want to pay just have a private quickie wedding.
Your DP shouldn't have invited his parents without talking to you.

I don't think you have to pay for accommodation - although a 2 hour drive is a far way to go.

Yes, this is fine as long as you are upfront and absolutely clear to people what's going to happen, and don't get upset if anyone decides to decline.

This is fine. If it's a two hour drive and simple reception so people could even drive back the same day. If they want to stay they can choose the place to suit their budget. Perfect.

Just have what you want and let other people worry about their own arrangements. A meal in the restaurant is perfectly fine. Definitely keep the invitations as low key as the wedding will be - this is what we're planning, we'd love it if you can join us, we'll totally understand if you can't.