To be confused about this “chivalry”

[museumum]

Dh always feels he has to let me walk first into any pub or restaurant door. He opens the door and motions me in. This means I ALWAYS have to be the first stared at if it’s an iffy place and decide where to head for a table, speak to the waiting staff etc make all the decisions, and if we’re abroad murder the local language.

Surely it’s not “chivalrous” that I should always be landed with the social interaction?
Is there a special “lady” technique for walking through the door but then demurring so he has to be in charge and make the decisions?

Yes, there is a technique to it. You walk through, then immediately move slightly to one side. If a member of staff approaches you, smile and nod in his direction so he has to deal with them.

Your DH is not even technically correct as traditional etiquette dictates that a gentleman walks in first when entering a restaurant or similar, precisely to prevent the sort of situations you find yourself in (as traditionally it was/is the man's "job" to choose a table and deal with the waiter). You might want to remind him of that

Get in first, and open the door for him and motion him in instead!

My DH does this not out of chivalry but to ensure I buy the first drink!

My DP used to do this - I just told him I don't want to go in first. If it looks slightly dodgy you go in and then I follow!

I assume you've tried telling him to stop it?

sounds nice to me. You wouldn't want him to stroll in and let the door slam on you would you. Talk to him.

Still, I'm a bloke, and well brung up, too. I open doors, give up seats, and so on. I know some of you ladies don't like that though.

The other suggestions sound good. I will ask my DW what she wants me to do next time we are out.

Have you spoken to him about it??

Not sure why you can’t make the decisions about table and speak to staff, etc.

I can make the decisions but I don’t want to EVERY time. I start to feel like I’m out with my kids if I always have to do everything adult.
When we’re abroad and language is hard work I make him take turns but in the U.K. I feel like i should just woman-up and do it but it gets tiring always being in the lead.

But surely he’s only a second behind you OP? DH is the same, but if I don’t know what he’s booked I just let him talk to the waiters. I don’t presume anyone’s particularly looking at me in most situations and if they are it doesn’t bother me.

Unless you regularly go to iffy places I can't really see why speaking to a waiter and picking a table is so very taxing!

After suffering for many years a husband who would seize his coat, get up and walk out of a restaurant without even waiting a SECOND for me, let alone open a door, I am officially jealous of yours.

This sometimes happens to me at work and I just look them in the eye and say “no, after you” and that way they either have to argue and look petty or just walk through the damn door!

My DH would never do this unless I was pushing a pram or didn’t have the use of my arms because he knows how patronising I find it

Does the OP's husband graciously open the door for her, let her walk in, and then close the door and wait outside looking through the windows while she does the difficult things?
I seem to remember that the traditional way of walking with a lady on the inside of a pavement was, in earlier days, to prevent splashes from carriage wheels staining her dress.
This was reversed in modern American cities, so that the lady was protected from muggers leaning out of alleyways and snatching her handbag.