To ask if he is anxious or if it's me?

[Fruem]

I've been chatting to one of the school dads for a couple of weeks via messenger. (I don't know if he has a girlfriend, but this has just been nothing more than general friendly chit chat and I'm not looking for anything other than friendship in this. There has been no flirting or anything more.)

I only see him a couple of times a week as he only picks up the children when he has them.

Over chat he seems friendly, warm, encouraging etc. But in person it's not like he makes an effort to avoid me, but like he doesn't really want to talk. The few times we have had a convo in person he hasn't kept eye contact for very long and it has just been a bit awkward. Shortish answers and pauses.

I'm a friendly person and I would say quite out going too. But it has got me questioning whether he is shy/socially anxious or if it's me...

(I haven't actually seen him speak to anyone else at school either. On social media he comes across as very confident and maybe even a little cocky eg, lots of selfies. He is very good looking and he knows it. But maybe insecure as well?)

I'm just confused as talking online vs in person is so different! I'm insure myself, so things like this play on my mind.

Some people are very comfortable hidden behind a screen, they can plan what they want to say, respond in their own time and generally have more control of the situation. In real life they might stumble over their words, say the wrong thing, or feel awkwardness if conversation isn't following naturally. It might be this is just his preferred method of talking.

It might be he's comfier on messenger than real life, the eye contact etc sounds like he might be a bit shy. Maybe you could just give him a wave and try and build up irl chat with very basic/simple small talk and see if he warms up?

We have gone from what seemed like purposefully not looking in each others direction* to now waving and smiling on drop offs. Then pick ups when we are waiting around has been when we have chatted a couple of times.

*I hold my hands up and say that I'm intimidated by him because he is so good looking and I feel shit about myself at the moment. So I had been avoiding any eye contact/normal contact. That probably didn't help...

Why are you giving this so much headspace if you are just interested in friendship ? Why are you messaging him? I don’t get this. When I used to go the school run, I used to chat to one of the dad’s most days, but also had others I would chat to. We were both married and used to enjoy chatting to him most days. But I didn’t message him.

Are you sure you're not interested in him? Do you know how many other mums he's chatting to? He might be trying to make sure you know he's not interested?

It does sound like you have romantic feelings for him, talking about how good looking he is etc.

What is with the over use of anxiety and anxious lately. It seems to be on every thread I see.

I'm giving it headspace because I suffer with anxiety too and I don't like the feeling that I may have said or done something. Maybe I am being too sensitive.

I don't have romantic feelings. I have a partner of 11 years who I am happy with. (I don't feel there is anything wrong with saying someone is good looking. It just intimidates me)

I do chat to the other mums and dads too. But I have usual conversations with them.

Thank you for the replies.

I read this as you chasing him, despite what you say and him not being interested in you but trying not to be rude about it. Why are you messaging him?

Just to add on so I'm not drip feeding. He messaged me first around a month ago after he saw a post I had put up about feeling down. He offered support. Our boys are in the same class at school so we have spoken about them too.

@TwitterQueen1 Thank you for your reply. He messaged me first a while ago and it's been him that has continued the messages after the conversation seems finished. Which is why I'm confused as to why it seems fine online but not so much in person.

I read it as he is interested in you but possibly suffers with social anxiety or is just shy. Why not ask him outright?

This definitely reads that you're interested in him as more than a friend. I honestly don't see why you would be so concerned otherwise.