What to talk about in hospital ?

[MamaMushroom]

My close friend is in hospital. I am visiting her on Friday. She has cancer (kidneys, bones, bowels) and the diagnosis is poor. She has just been told no chemo. She's looking to see if any private options (or will do once out of hospital - she has an infection and is very ill at present.

Im clearly gutted but Am I better keeping conversation light? How much do I ask her about how she feels? She wants to stay positive and says wants to be distracted - I'm planning on staying for 20 mins max - I want to keep positive but not not acknowledge what's going on if you see what i mean. And how much do I babble on about other stuff and how much about the illness?? I'll of course be guided by her, but her dp has warned me she's drowsy. I'm the first friend to visit.

Any good advice welcome !

Also should I take anything? I have sent flowers already and know she has lots. She isn't really eating so no food. I was thinking a pile of crap mags although don't know if she's up for those.

Why only 20 minutes ? Could you not stay a bit longer. Talk about lots of things like tv / books etc or just about old times. You will be fine ❤️

Can she drink? If so you could take nice squash or something that you know she like.

Maybe take a puzzle book and you could do some together and leave it with her to do if she feels upto it.

Maybe some boiled sweets or some melon (my dad liked these when he was unwell and struggling during radiotherapy)

She specified 15-20 mins max as feels awful and can't cope with any visits longer than that... I could stay all day but will respect that ! Her dp said he and the two DDs have only stayed for 30 mins max as she is wiped out. I suppose I'm wondering do I focus on chat or on how she is and her treatment?

I would follow her lead - ask how she is feeling and it should become clear if she wants to go into detail or chit chat about small talk instead. Maybe give her a little hand squeeze if you don’t know what to say.
Crap mags could be nice, you could maybe get one of those awful true life story ones (I had sex with a ghost! My dog is the reincarnation of Henry VIII!) and if you need a lighter topic you could joke about that.

@CrispbuttyNo1 puzzle book is great idea, will take a wordsearch or something not too taxing with cocktail of drugs, and a bottle of "posh squash" as it's known in our house!

One of those multi type puzzle books would be good as you could read out the clues to an easy crossword perhaps,

@Sparklesocks great ideas thanks yes she would hugely appreciate the bonkers headlines and the hand squeeze is a good idea.
I'm just personally v upset as she's a really close friend and trying to get rid of that emotion as she will need positivity.

I know how you feel, my friend was very sick a few years ago and it was quite shocking to see her in hospital as she looked so frail and unlike herself. I managed to keep a brave face on for her and would cry in the hospital loos when I left. It’s very difficult and unfair

A pair of fluffy socks she can wear in bed maybe? My feet are always freezing no matter how hot the rest of me is!
I know you said she isn't really eating, but does she have a favourite chocolate or fruit/flavour? You could take a bar or something like candied/chocolate coated fruit so she can just suck one/one square if she fancied it.

Ask her if there is anything she wants. I know its awkward but try to focus on her, and not how you feel.

Depending which h hospital, some have free hospital radio you can tune in to. Chatting about the randomness of the music selection they have can be a light topic (I was in a similar situation recently as the one in hospital, free radio was a nice distract even if the pay TV cost a small fortune).

Really good lip balm or moisturiser. Cancer dries you out and hospitals seem to be hot and airless places.

Let her take the lead. She might want to talk about how scary it all is ( and if she does listen and don’t tell her it will be ok, because she knows it might not and having that acknowledged is important) or she might want to just be herself and talk about normal stuff.