AIBU at finding out ex is having another baby?

[user1483522778]

I’m still married to my husband, although we’ve been separated for 5 yrs. we’ve always got on for the sake of our son. He’s now 7yrs old.
Anyway, DS came home on Sunday stating he’s going to be a big brother.
His dad has gotten his 21yr old girlfriend (of 2yrs) pregnant. We’re both 40yrs old!
No heads up, or warning from my ex DH. Now he doesn’t want to pay towards sons activities anymore as he feels they are ‘shit’. I know I’m emotional and prob overreacting, but what the ??
I dint know how to handle this!

Start by getting the maintenance sorted out properly, and look into getting a divorce. Your current set up isn't working for you or your son, its time to move on.
Don't try to keep things as they are, don;t try to fix them; your ex has no intentions of doing the right thing by you or your son.

Regarding the new baby, there's nothing (obviously!) you can do about it apart from reassure your son if he has any concerns. Yes, I know that's his dad's job and hopefully he's doing the same.

What are your current child maintenance payment arrangements?

The baby is a red herring.

Get him to contribute towards his son’s maintenance. He doesn’t get to decide if a 7 year old activities are shit

Baby isn’t anything to do with you unfortunately, it’s sad for you but you can’t do anything about the fact he’s moved on.
Is he still paying maintenance? If he is then again, it’s unfortunate but you can’t force him to cough up for your son’s other activities.
He sounds like a selfish dick but you only have a finite number of hours in this life, don’t waste them hating him

He won’t give me a divorce. I’ve petitioned him twice at quite a large expense to myself. He was giving me £30 per week but that goes no where. He’s got a very good job, new house and new L200 truck. And has become untouchable to the csa!

He has committed adultery, you have been separated for 5 years; those are ground for divorce. See a solicitor.

He was giving me £30 per week. Even though he’s earning 40,000 per year. Has always contributed to extra curricular activities. But now refusing!

He can't refuse you a divorce. Get a solicitor and take control.

It's not up to him to 'give' you a divorce. You're separated, and have now got proof he has had sex with another woman, so it's pretty clear cut.

I actually have a partner too, of 5 yrs. my son has always called him daddy. Which has annoyed the exDH. I just want to cut ties with him and he doesn’t seem to want to stop me. My son wouldn’t mind tbh. Hes only been in his
Life for 4yrs x

He doesn’t have to give you a divorce. You can get a (civil) divorce one without his consent.

Get child support sorted out now. It is not ‘your’ money or ‘his’ money, it is money for your child. It is in your child’s best interests for that money to be spent on him whether it is for food, shelter, clothes or activities.

Don’t enable your ex to steal from your child.

A petition on the basis of 5 years separation doesn’t require his consent. Time to get that petition issued.

How has he been in your son's life for four years, but your son is 7 and you split up when (presumably) he was two? I'm confused.

I do understand your husband not liking another man being called Daddy, though.

You don’t need his permission for a divorce - send him the papers -

You just need his confirmation in writing or text that he has received them. So make the petition count - unreasonable behaviour adultery etc to get him to react to the papers. Don’t answer the phone for a few days so he has to text

Then go after decent maintenance

We split up after he changed the locks on us while I was in hospital. That was aged 15 months for my son and it took until
My son was 3yrs old for him to regulate contac!

Then the sooner you get started on divorce and child maintenance, the better!

1. Get Divorced
2. Get proper maintenance for your DS

Have you seen a solicitor or tried a DIY divorce? Surely after being separated for 5 years (do you need proof? Not sure on the legalities!) you don't need his permission? Is he self-employed, hence being 'untouchable'?

Stop acting like a victim and woman-up.

£30! What are you meant to do with that? Is he self-employed?

Get a good lawyer - and maybe look into talking all this over with a counsellor who knows something about relationships and/or abusive men. Your XH sounds like an absolute prick, and you need some back up to deal with him.