To think the problem is me?

[Buntybearbess]

There's a lot going on in my life at the moment and it's all rather overwhelming. I feel that if I could get my life in some semblance of order most of the problems either go away or ease up.

I also feel like I'd do a lot better if I could get out more and be proactive in meeting new people and making new friends. I'm generally unmotivated and undisciplined, I'd sleep most of the day and I'm up all night. I either sleep too much or too little, I eat too much or not enough and I'm so socially awkward at times it's painful. I need to stop biting my nails but I get so worked up and anxious that it's impossible, I can go for months without and then something will set me off and I rip them all off. (Although it's happening more recently at the moment).

How can I overhaul my life and how I present myself?
First point is sorting my finances like I've been advised by mumsnet posters.
Second I'm finding a decent hairdresser and getting my haircut and sorted as if nothing else it will make me feel tider.
Thirdly I'm sorting my room (uni house so only have my room to store stuff) out into a bag to give to charity and at easter my mum is going to take some of it back home.

You are in a dark place right now, blaming yourself, don't feel connected with your peers, wanting to change. Please try your GP for other ADs they are not all the same. It is not all problems we "just" need to work at.
Your are a good human being, you are trying your best. Your peers may seem privileged to you, but I sure a lot of them are struggling too. Being at uni is stressful for so many people.
Please try breathing exercises, and know that thing can get better.

There's a huge raft of videos and guided meditations by the father of Mindfulness in the west, Thich Nhat Hahn on YouTube.

Awesome, thank you @showmeshoyu.

@Iamdanish, I'll see what I can do to see someone and what they can suggest. I know that while me peers are privileged in many ways, there are many ways I have been far more privileged than them.

I may speak to one of the student leadership team at my church, they'll have had similar things in the past with other students and may be able to advise somewhat.

OP, I am quite similar, have my list, it seems endless and I never reach my flippin goals which makes me worse.
Sleep all over the place.
I'm getting better with counselling, just had my second out of 7.
Also low, 20mg Fluoxetine.
There's no rush, little steps, Good luck.
I don't think this will cure me, it isn't like that. I think meds help you see the bigger picture and give you the confidence to make a start, then things start to improve and you don't need the meds necessarily.

Learn to like yourself right now for who you are right now. I bite my nails, lots of people do. If I didn’t have small children I’d sleep all day if I could! Wanting to laze about and being a bit unorganised doesn't make you a bad person it makes you human. We all procrastinate and right now your mental health seems to most important thing to care about. Depression is something that can sneak up and leads to self doubt and low self worth. Don’t be hard on yourself, you’ll get there! It’s hard to be motivated in January and it’s hard to find energy when you’re feeling low

Oh OP, the problem isn't you, you sound lovely, just ill with anxiety and depression. This was/is me and I know all the many ways you can beat yourself up. I have found it helps to start with a very small number of easily achievable tasks. write down your baseline of what you think is the minimum you 'should' be achieving - and then cut it down massively because I can almost guarantee your expectations are too high. It's better to do a little of what you want to do on most days than have a day or two of great achievements followed by a collapse. I have sought help in the past and take sertraline long term but just looking at CBT sites online a little bit has helped me massively. Be kind to yourself.

How are you Bunty?

I'm doing a bit better. I've looked at meditation and I've bought myself a whiteboard for my wall so I can keep track of what I'm doing and when. I've also arranged for my sister to cut my hair and fringe on monday or tuesday (she's a trained hairdresser). I also decided to be kind to myself and splurge a little on on some nice shower stuff from lush which stock one of the nicest smelling shower gel and soaps that doesn't irritate my abnormally sensitive skin rather than just using the pears stuff all the time and the coffee face mask and some of the honey lip scrub and balm and some of the chocolate lip scrub and balm as I chew my lips into a mess when I'm overwhelmed, I've also bought a really comfy mattress topper from soak and sleep and a nice pillow so I can get a decent nights rest.

Tonight I've been to the student cinema with two of my housemates after ordering a takeaway with them. I'm now sitting coloring a bible picture/verse from Psalm 23 which is one of my favourites and reminds me that the lord will restore my soul. It's a comforting message that I think I need right now.

Tomorrow the plan is to sort out the rubbish from my room (because that is easy), pin a poster up, put up my photos on my notice board and then I'm sorting through what work I need to do and when it's due. That way I can organise my desk and my reading. Then I'm going to a campus bar in the evening with two housemates, because one's never been before and wants too but the guy she fancies is going and she doesn't want to make a tit of herself.

I also spent last night from 2-5 with a different drunk housemate in the lounge who was vomiting into my newly cleaned bedroom bin because we didn't have bucket. She was very drunk and worked herself into a bit of a state because she has anxiety and it's the first time in a long time she's been drunk and there was no way I was going to leave her on her own in a state being sick. She also bleached the bin today so that was fine, I did hear her and another housemate who has man flu talking about how lovely I am and that I'm the house mum, because I sit with them all when they're ill or having a bad day, remind them to pick up whatever it is that they need, check they're all ok and have eaten and finished what they need to do, while managing not to be overbearing, bossy or pushy. Which was nice because sometimes I feel like I irritate people just by being around them.

I've also bought some of that nasty nail polish stuff to coat my nails in so I stop biting them.