To want an assessment for adult ADHD sooner than in 2-3 years time?

[MotherOfDragonite]

I know AIBU and it isn't like it's cancer or anything.

But I'm just such a mess. I realised in the summer after a colleague spoke to me about some of my traits and suggested that it could be ADHD. I looked it all up and it's all just exactly like me. My mother had always said she thought I could have it but I was a teenager and my reaction was to be very resistant to the idea and to say that it was ridiculous because I was doing well.

I was doing well. I have a good first degree and a masters. I had a good job (helped significantly by the fact that the admin was done by another team). I kind of feel as if anyone who looked at my life would laugh at me saying that I've been held back in any way but I have been, terribly. Every single project and dissertation has been a trauma that I've been almost unable to manage. I've nearly been sacked twice for not having done things on time / to deadline. I've been late literally every single year with my tax self-assessment and have paid the fines. Despite having thought of them so so often, I am a shitty friend a friend who never sends the Christmas cards I write. A friend who never sends birthday presents. A friend who doesn't reply to text messages, because I've lost them in some chain of urgent stuff that comes up at the same time. An over eater. A compulsive shopper (not for big expensive stuff, but for things i just feel I "have to have" to make a certain meal one evening... then forgotten in the cupboard... five half-used jars of tahini, etc).

Now I feel like I have a glimmer of something, the idea that something could explain why I am like this (other than the obvious, all pervasive "I'm just a bit shit" explanation that I have told myself for my whole life). And I really really want to find out for sure if this explains why I am like this, and find out whether there is anything that can help me.

And it's going to take 2-3 years, and I'm scared I'm going to flunk my course (which I'm so so lucky to be able to be taking, since it's helping me to change careers to something where I will be more likely to thrive) and be a shit mum in the meantime :-(

AnnieHm. You clearly know about ASD but not ADHD. Any adult should seek diagnosis as there is very effective treatment available. No comment on ASD but they are very different things.

And I’d love the evidence to suggest private psychiatrists are over diagnosing for profit. DH paid for assessment and they got not a penny more. No incentive. He’s been confirmed ADHD by the nhs.

Please bear in mind that ADHD rarely presents alone. It usually has another neurological partner

My dd is autistic but this is of no consequence to her employer, all they are interested in is if she can do the job

Not so.
Under the Equality Act 2010, employers are required to make reasonable adjustments for disabled employees.
www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/tmi/employment/blogs/blog-reasonable-adjustments-151216.aspx

Check out additude. Really useful ways to organise yourself. Exercise is also a great way to help manage adhd while your on the waiting list. You have to get systems in place that work for you. Fish oils have been proven to be beneficial

ASD not ADD. Stupid auto correct!

Please bear in mind that ADHD rarely presents alone. It usually has another neurological partner

Please can I ask what you mean by this? What neurological partners? (I've been recently diagnosed with ADHD).

Can anyone who has been diagnosed recommend a private psychiatrist/clinic for diagnosis?

I have been wondering for several years whether I have ADHD. I did reasonably well at school and university (despite being daydreamy and disorganised) but I've not achieved much professionally and wish I could be more effective. Part of me feels it is too late at my age though (I am 40).

Sorry to jump onto someone else's thread, by the way. I have tried looking at the website for the ADHD foundation in Liverpool but can't find anything about appointments there.

@juneau This is a really good point

"You say you could flunk your course (which you're paying for?), you say you have to pay the late fee for filing your tax forms late every year, you buy Christmas cards every year that you don't post ... and yet you can't afford a private assessment which will be a few hundred pounds?"

The ones I'd looked at seemed more like £600-700 but there have been a couple of suggestions on this thread outside London that do look more affordable. It's true, when I look at it that way (IF I could access some treatment that would really fix how I mess things up!) it could conceivably save me money.

"What do you think will come of an official diagnosis? In kids it's used to access school services but by adulthood this isn't relevant. My dd is autistic but this is of no consequence to her employer, all they are interested in is if she can do the job. You can pay privately or wait your turn, I'm surprised it's even offered on the nhs just so you can find out."

Gosh @anniehm, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. People get diagnosed with things so that they can access forms of treatment, which is very much relevant at any age!

It's also very relevant to me with my course -- a higher education institution can offer learning support if you have a diagnosis, for example I might be able to meet with a study skills tutor to help me develop tactics to better tackle my project work.

Meanwhile, have a look at the book "Driven to Distraction" - that's where I clocked that I was ADD (inattentive) - I'm on the waiting list for a diagnosis too.

Thank you, I will look at additude and check out some of the possible private providers mentioned. I got a bit scared of going down that route due to the cost (and potential further cost of medication if going privately, which I just can't afford).

I am in London and my GP is very supportive and has referred me through the NHS, it's just that the local service has a waiting list that long.

Really feel I need to get on top of this and get some kind of help so that I can be a better mum, finish my course, not be so shit at everything. It never really mattered before and I could 'coast', especially when I was in my twenties and had no real responsibilities, but since having a second child I've really felt so frustrated at how awful I am at life.

I'm in the US so things are a bit different, but a couple of my friends in their 40s have ADD and take medication for it. It has transformed their lives. One is now completing a higher education course in her 40s, having dropped out in her 20s. Another has finally found a career she loves, and is not only sticking with it but is successful, and it's not one that's easy to be successful in.

She said she spent her whole life feeling like a failure until she was diagnosed with ADD, and realised her brain works differently to most. She managed to hide it from the rest of the world for a long time, but she kept dropping out of courses or switching from one fairly unsatisfying job to another. Then her son was diagnosed with ADHD, and his psychologist pointed out that it often runs in families, and she realised that she had many of the same traits.

My son getting a diagnosis and meds has made a huge difference to his school and home life, but it has also meant that we know what he will struggle with, how to help him, and what to ask the school to do to help.

It wasn't till he started taking the meds that we really started to realise how much he'd been struggling, and how much of an effect it was having on his life.

Thank you to everyone who offered helpful advice.

Just wanted to update to say that it does look as if my university will find a way to financially support an ADHD assessment (just for learning purposes -- wouldn't be a diagnosis for purposes of treatment or medication) if I can submit proof of my household income, which is relatively modest.

So that should get me some support with study etc through university, possibly? I mean, if they think that I do have ADHD. It is really a relief that they may be able to fund some assessment to see.

That sounds positive OP and as if you're going to get some sort of assistance with your course while you're awaiting a formal diagnosis. You might want to ask the uni what sort of support they offer to students with a diagnosis - will you get extra time for assignments and exams? A support worker to help you manage your workload and plan your study?

DSA possibly....