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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To insist that the gp refers my daughter to a gynae consultant?

47 replies

Mabelface · 23/01/2019 19:46

My dd19 is having frequent periods, spotting in between, incredibly painful and like the fucking texas chain saw massacre. 2 of my sisters and I have all suffered from endometriosis and her symptoms match how mine were before treatment. The gp keeps making her do pregnancy tests, is refusing to prescribe contraceptive pills, and only now after a blood test has confirmed no pregnancy, the nurse is insisting she gets referred for an ultrasound. She already suffers from anxiety and this is making it worse, as she's scared to leave the house in case she floods. Aibu unreasonable to go with dd (she'd be happy for me to be there) and insist enough is enough and she needs to see a gynae?

OP posts:

Tubelight2016 · 23/01/2019 20:49

Book an appointment with a different gp at your practice and if not possible ask for second opinion by gynaecologist. Remember no one has X Ray eyes. This needs investigation and monitoring by the socialist.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/01/2019 20:49

PS but why are you involved? She is 19....

FaithInfinity · 23/01/2019 20:50

I would definitely try a different GP. I had simar issues for years. Then I got chronic abdo pain. Had all sorts of tests including ultrasounds and at 36 (periods were painful by 14) I pushed for a gynae referral, who agreed to do a laparoscopy and lo! I have endometriosis. It was treated and my pain resolved. Periods are currently manageable.

Contraceptive pills are actually a good way of treating endo symptoms but she’ll need a gynae referral and a laparoscopy to confirm its that, an ultrasound may detect fibroids. So yes I would try a different GP.

MenopausalMaud · 23/01/2019 20:53

Faithinfinity - would you mind me asking what treatment you had that resolved your pain?
Thank you :)

HazelBite · 23/01/2019 20:58

See if you can see a female GP, in my experience more empathetic about "female" related problems.

GabsAlot · 23/01/2019 20:59

my practise wont let u see another gp for a second opinion unless u wait months to be switche dover to them

no idea why theres a sign up saying so

pilates · 23/01/2019 20:59

Purple Just because op’s DD is an adult it doesn’t mean you stop caring and giving advice/supporting them 🙄

Pk37 · 23/01/2019 20:59

Purplecatshopaholic
Because she’s upset and not getting anywhere !
Would you just leave your kids to it if they had a medical issue and weren’t getting anywhere ?

PinkPuter · 23/01/2019 21:00

Yes. Insist.

If it is endo then try the Endo Diet. It worked for me over a decade ago. Honestly try it. Only thing that made a difference.

pandechocolate · 23/01/2019 21:03

I thought I would share my story with you, as I had a similar experience to your daughter in 2016/17 which ended up with me being diagnosed with endo.

I had fairly regular periods before I went on the pill (I went on when I was 17 though so a long time before this). A couple of years ago I ended up in agony all month, crippling pain that meant I couldn't walk. I went to 1 doctor who thought I had appendicitis - went to hospital and they said I didn't. Saw another doctor who referred me for an ultrasound to check for cysts on my ovaries, all came back clear. Saw another who said I just had trapped nerves and gave me some anti-depressants that help with nerve pain, which I didn't take as a knew my nerves were fine.

Fast forward to seeing my now GP, who spotted the symptoms of endometriosis when nobody else did, told me not to let gynae fob me off with a coil as they would try (and they did try - despite the fact I said I didn't want a coil was we were planning on TTC within the next year). I had a laparoscopy and he was right on the money with endo.

I know you'll know all this if you have endo in your family but it is so under diagnosed by doctors, I'd push for the gynae appt if I were you. I'm not sure where you are in the country but there are certain hospitals that have centres of excellence for gynae/women's health, so it's worth seeing if one is near you. I think they are called British Centres of Gynaelogical Excellence or something? Good luck to your DD xxx

SoupOnMyTableNowSir · 23/01/2019 21:04

An ultrasound scan was my first step toward gynae referral and eventual endo diagnosis.

Ultrasound revealed I had cysts but doesn't necessarily show endo deposits, more likely scar tissue or if things have been relocated due to adhesions.

I was fobbed off for years, told all women have periods, yours can't be that painful and to just suck it up. All male GPs.

I was finally taken seriously be a female GP. Definitely see a different GP if you aren't happy with the one your DD keeps getting. It is weird they keep performing pregnancy tests and won't prescribe the pill.

I would definitely go with her. Her being 19 doesn't matter. If she wants you there, be there, argue the case. It can be daunting in a GP's office, I wish my own Mother had believed my pain levels when I told her I was in agony

Passing4Human · 23/01/2019 21:05

I would see another GP. I've had lifelong gynae and also mental health problems and with both I only started the process of proper diagnosis and treatment once I asked (the receptionists) who was best to see for those individual problems. Like your DD, I had a dinosaur of a GP before that with the gynae probs in particular, who wouldn't even examine me and put it down to women being overdramatic about periods (his words - this was back in 1989 or so). You won't get resolution with a doctor like that as they won't be reading up on the latest info on "women's conditions" because they don't take them seriously. I'd hoped things had moved on since then...

I don't think YABU at all to accompany your daughter. I'd have LOVED if my mum had done that back then as a bit of support. It was really distressing and upsetting and dinosaur doc made me feel humiliated.

pandechocolate · 23/01/2019 21:05

PS but why are you involved? She is 19....

The OP has said her daughter has anxiety. It is hard feeling like you are being ignored by doctors when you know something isn't right with your body and they are totally dismissing what you are saying. It sounds like they are doing that to her DD. I've been there, it feels like an endless battle - funnily enough if blokes could get things like endometriosis, I don't think it would be as hard to be diagnosed promptly.
It is great that the OP is supporting her DD with this. I was diagnosed in my 20s and really needed my family for support during that time because of the battle I faced against doctors.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/01/2019 21:08

I dont wish to sound harsh - was just asking the question. I had gynae probs from the get go, last person I would have involved was my mother (she was so horribly embarrassed by that type of thing!) I very much hope this girl gets the help she needs. Gynae support seems so under researched and underfunded it can take a while to get the appropriate care.

ohdearmymistake · 23/01/2019 21:10

Let her go for the scan first

As I read it she hasn't been offered a scan, only the nurse is insisting she gets referred for it.

Definitely get a different GP is possible, but to be honest personally I have gone private when I was getting nowhere. At least the GP can't argue with the letter from the private GP/gynaecologist.

PinkPuter · 23/01/2019 21:10

Also try getting a good female GP. Mine was amazing. As it turned out she also had endo so really understood. She referred me to a brilliant gyne that did a couple of laser (sorry can't remember the proper term) treatments to laser away scar tissue. He was amazed after I had done the diet for 6 months and couldn't believe how good my insides looked.

3 things

Good GP
Good gyne
Diet

I haven't had to worry about endo for about 13 years now. Before it was a daily, doubled over in pain, issue.

I really hope your daughter gets some good people.

pandechocolate · 23/01/2019 21:11

Gynae support seems so under researched and underfunded it can take a while to get the appropriate care.

I do agree with this. And the options they give you are generally piss poor. NICE are bringing gynae conditions in to the light more and more these days so hopefully one day soon, things will be better.

Nomorechickens · 23/01/2019 21:18

At my GP practice you see whichever one is available, unless you want to wait for a particular one. I prefer to see the younger ones as they tend to do things by the book.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/01/2019 21:35

Keep asking the questions and demanding specialist support. I suffered from gynae probs from the minute things started - so around 13. I eventually got things sorted - I was 40....

Original poster

Mabelface · 24/01/2019 06:04

No, she doesn't have special needs and I'm involved because she's my daughter and needs help! It's actually a female gp, but she's nearing retirement age. Going private isn't an option, unfortunately, I wish it was. Thanks all, I'm going to have a chat with dd and we'll go from there. I wish gynae issues were taken more seriously. Endo is a fucking horrible disease.

OP posts:

abbsisspartacus · 24/01/2019 06:21

How many pregnancy tests has she been given?

Take the scan the gynocologist will need to see the results anyway

Rosebud21 · 24/01/2019 09:36

OP, of course you can accompany your daughter. Read this before you go

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng73

& if you are met with the same attitude ask that the GP documents the reasons why contraceptives & a gynae referral are not indicated in your daughter's notes. You and your daughter can also arrange a meeting with the practice manager before the GP appointment to discuss this, good luck

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