ASD and residential school trips

[Mildinsanity]

GAH a parenting first and I'm clueless.
First residential school trip.

But it's for my eldest (10yrs) who has ASD, so I literally don't know what to think, I'm praying he won't want to go but I imagine he will as it sounds like fun, as it won't click about the change of routine until he is there.

2 teachers, 28(?) other children and my DS with his own way of doing things and a change of routine... It's a really bad idea isn't it?
But if he doesn't go it's a lifetime memory he won't experience and what's he gonna do for 3 days?
But if he goes and he has a meltdown which is going to be hightened intensively by the change of routine, then it's going to take over an hour to go pick him up - a long time if the situation turns risky (he has a history of physical violence but that was a long time ago).
Also the only thing stopping him is his disability, as a disabled mother (wheelchair user) I don't want it to stop him in life.

Or am I PFB?

WWYD?

I haven't had chance to speak to the school yet about the provision for DS, he does have a EHCP so I will schedule a meeting but I'm panicking as he is coming home soon and is bound to mention it.

I have no answers or advice, sorry but my DS has a similar trip coming up . We've had issues with bullying etc so I'm very much considering our position and am interested to see what people think about opting out.

I know you said it's an hour away but are there options for you to stay in a b and b nearby maybe for one night so he can do part of it with you on standby? Could he and you visit the place and see where he'll be eating / sleeping? My DS has similar coming up and he is v nervous about the overnight element so I am going to be on stand by to collect him after dinner if he decides not to stay. Talk to the school and the place they are going. Communication is the key here.

I had a similar situation with 9yo DS a few months ago, he also has ASD, school said that I could go with him on the residential but I think he has enough trouble fitting in without being 'that kid' who brought his mother on the trip. They said they were aware of his additional needs and staff knew to keep an extra eye on him.

In the end we decided to let him go on the grounds that he is entitled to the same opportunities and experiences as the other children and because we wanted to give him the chance to try it. Worst case scenario was that we would need to go and collect him early.

He had a blast. Really enjoyed himself. However he came home in the same clothes he was wearing when he left, right down to his socks and undies, because no one was promoting him to get changed or checking that he had gotten changed so he just didn't. It didn't occur to him to. He didn't even get changed for bed and had slept in those clothes which by the end of the trip were muddy, smelly, and sometimes wet. He also hadn't showered or brushed his teeth and hadn't touched the tuck shop money I gave him because they were all in his suitcase and he didn't know how to re-pack it so decided it was best to just leave it alone entirely, didn't even unzip it once.

Speak to school and ask what provisions they are going to make for him so that he can go on the trip, they should have support they can put in place and cannot exclude him from it based on his SN.

Promoting = prompting

I’d suggest speaking to the school. I’m sure they’ve taken kids with ASD on such trips before and can hopefully reassure you and you can collectively come up with solutions to potential problems so that he can go if he wants to (such as going over the planned routine with him beforehand, him being able to take himself off somewhere safe and quiet if he’s overwhelmed)

I have ADHD and am 100% certain I am autistic.

Don't send him. I got sent on one of these. I freaked out, the sharing rooms the food. They tried to force me blindfolded through a tunnel and I cried in front of everyone, and I refused to go into the dining room because it was crowded so the teacher punished me by making me pick up leaves with a litter picker for two hours. I desperately wanted to call my mum and they kept saying I could call her the next day but they never let me. I cried myself to sleep every night.

Treat him to a cinema night instead.

At that age my ASD son had a miserable time, mainly because his friendships were very rocky and also because the trips tended to encourage physical bravery and he was also dyspraxic and rigid with fear.

But in his teens he loved school trips.

This was my DD last year, they did one night away. She went with a teacher and TA to visit the venue beforehand (fairly local), looked t lots of pictures online and knew all the detail she wanted (such as what they would eat etc).

She had an absolutely fantastic time, and I was so delighted that she did it.

She has a 4 night one this year, in only a couple of weeks time, and hasn’t needed nearly as much prior preparation this time round because of the success she is building on.

Speak to the school, speak to the venue but do your best to let him go if possible!

Should add, she doesn’t have any close friends in her class. But she was given advance notice of the bedrooms and who she would be sharing/grouped with.

DS (ASD) went on his last year, 4 nights away with lots of activities. He really loved it despite not doing some of the activities due to anxiety. He wasn't forced to do anything. He had a familiarisation trip the week before with the SENCo and the other dc on the SEN register in his year, that helped enormously as they could answer his questions and show him where he'd sleep etc. Two members of school staff stayed for the whole time but other teachers and TAs went for a day or couple of days at a time including the SENCo. I'm sure he's not the first with SEN that the school and centre staff have taken on a residential, could you talk it through with the staff including SENCo?

My dd with ASD didn't go. I got a doctors note and took her to Center Parcs instead . Was great fun. She'd never have managed for a week, probably a night at most, if that, plus her diet is quite restricted so that would have been difficult too. I posted about it on here at that time and got a load of stern telling offs about being an over protective mother and how unfair I was being because apparently ALL kids have the time of their lives on these trips and remember it forever

I had this exact scenario a year ago, and like you, I hoped my ASD DS (age 8 at the time) would say he didn't want to do it. And to start with, he did say no - but we were given a year's notice and I wasn't prepared to rule him out so long in advance in case he changed his mind. So I paid the first two deposits to keep his place, accepted they were non-refundable, treated them as insurance. Sure enough as the final date for paying the balance approached, school had clearly been talking a lot about the forthcoming trip (it was a two-night residential at an outdoor centre), he knew his special friends were going, and he said he wanted to. Fine, and I paid, also acccepting that he could always change his mind back again, particularly the fact he wouldn't have his iPad with him really hit home...

The centre was also about an hour away, which was a factor; I was absolutely prepared to go and get him any time. But I was worried about everything: how would he be in a dormitory? would he clean his teeth and wash? how would he deal with dirty clothes? what if he didn't like the food?

It was all fine. DS had a great time, and for the most part, his teachers gave him the support he needed. There were a few incidents that came to light when he got home (his trainers were utterly caked in mud while his wellies were in the suitcase clearly unworn, and it transpired that he hadn't noticed them and no teacher had thought to come and help him find them - as though a parent would send a kid to an outdoor centre in March without wellies), but nothing major.

However, I do think I projected my own FOMO onto DS. At that age, I would have hated that sort of visit but no way would I have said I didn't want to go. DS doesn't really have FOMO.

The children who didn't go on the visit, by the way, had to go to school as normal where they did some similar (indoor) activities as those on the trip; two classes at a time went (of a year group of 4 classes) so I believe the remainers joined with the classes still in school.

I didn't do any preparation for the visit, aside from showing DS on the centre's website, where there were 360 degree pictures/a virtual tour. DS wouldn't have kept quiet about his feelings had he really decided it wasn't for him. And I'm glad he went, even if, to this day, he's barely talked about it. I imagine he stuck like glue to his best friend and copied the other kids, and got through that way, even though I am fairly sure he won't have had a clue what was going, probably didn't change his underwear or clean his teeth...

If you think it would help your DS, could you arrange a visit to the place they're going? Definitely go through all your concerns with school. How long have you got to prepare?

Dd's school were brilliant when she went on her residential. She has ASD.
They arranged for her to have the same instructor for all the activities rather than swapping around. I was able to provide a stash of food and was able to replenish that during the stay when additional school staff went over.
I was quite disheartened at the first meeting as I couldn't see it working but it did. They were willing to work with me to get her there.
Another child went over and back every day.