To ask how you broke free of your emotionally abusive relationships?

[IDrinkAndISewThings]

Just that really. A close friend of mine's husband has been revealed to be hideously emotionally abusive, and while my friend has just left him for the second time in two months, it already sounds like she's going to go back. There are two young children involved. No physical violence (yet) but I fear if she gets back with him it won't be far around the corner.
I want to support her, I want her to be safe and happy, but I don't want to tell her how to run her life. It feels like she's caught in the typical scenario of abusive event, he apologises, she takes him back hoping for change, things are quiet for a bit, then another event, repeat cycle.
How did you break free? What stopped you believing things would get better? Did things have to get worse? Did support from your friends and family help, or make you resent their interference? I feel helpless, like I'm just watching her shrivel, I need to know there's hope for her x

The police - it changes the way you think if an authority figure takes it seriously. Keep supporting your friend; I would not think of you as interference. At the first/next reportable incident, give her the strength to make the call. x

The Freedom Programme sometimes people need to realize it is actually abuse, and support groups

The Freedom programme is very good. You don't need to have ended the relationship to attend.

She dumped me Have regretted not kicking her into touch a million times over.

I stopped leaving when he was abusive. I realised that I was going 'home' and I couldn't stop myself from returning. So I took steps to make home safe.

Basically I only returned the last time on condition that he removed himself from anything that gave him a right to stay in that home. Then when it happened again, as it always does, I called the police and they happily removed him from my home and I never let him back in.

It's very hard not to go back when you've lost your home, your possessions, and you're crashing at someone else's house.

For me it was a phone call to the police - there was physical stuff too though

I ran away from him and phoned his parents begging them fo rhelp. Him mum wanted none of it - she openly knew what he was doing but was more concerned about anyone finding out - but his Dad told me to callthe police.

So I did. There was an order put in place to stay away from me and it ended up in Court. I then got counselling for PTSD and that is where I learned the full depth of what he actually done. Makes me feel sick now. But I agree with the above when an authoritive figure takes it seriously you realise...

The courts. Family court for a split of money and child arrangements. But for physical abuse (or EA if you thought you could prove it) would be police and Magistrates Court as well as family court.

I rang the police after he hit me =( and got him thrown into cell and charged for assault by battering

He paid 100 and court costs and had to do community service

Two year restraining order requested by me and granted. He did however chase me round westmorland county show ground and I was too scared to do anything as I was pregnant with my now husbands child

Thank you all for replying, I really appreciate it. I'm going to do some research into the freedom project myself so I can understand what support is available to her.
The point about leaving/returning home struck me as significant here, she flees to her parents, but is always desperate to get back to her flat. Getting him out instead of her leaving seems key here. Thank you all

He assaulted me In public, it's wasnt the first time but it was spotted on cctv and 3 police cars showed up.
Once I had explained he was my partner a police officer took me aside, told me I didn't deserve to live like this and gave me his number with the promise of help if I wanted to leave.
I did.
He helped me get a place in a hostel with my son and remove my things without backlash

We've always known her husband was a bit of a dick, but put him in the 'inconsiderate arsehole' category, we didn't have him pegged for actual abuse. But friends witnessed and were victim to it recently, so even though she minimised it the next day there were two people there who refused to and I think helped force the issue of removing herself from the situation. I'd like to think that because she knows we know the extent of it she can't minimise it anymore, but I can already see her resolve crumbling, for their kids and the good times she remembers (and to me equates with love)