AIBU - Bulk buying - help settle an argument

[Absentwomen]

My DH and DSD often go supermarket shopping together since DSD had an epilepsy attack (her driving licence was revoked for a year) and spend an absolute fortune.

Their reasoning is that it makes sense to bulk buy on offers.

I, OTH am a budget shopper. My DSD has a young family, both her and her DH work but like most young families, money is tight. So by week three they're really down to pennies. And down to the bare bones in the food cupboard.

Having listened to this for a few years now, we decided as a family to draw up some proper budgets. Did the spreadsheets etc. Worked out their income and ours.

Rather than do a monthly shop, I suggested they and we break monthly income into weekly amounts. Fuel, bills, car insurance, mortgage and food.

But no, if DH and DSD see offers they'll bulk buy. To me that doesn't work. That's money sitting in the cupboard.

Their reasoning is it's cheaper and they then have more money in their next week's budget. Yet that never seems to work.

They can't see my argument. I can't see theirs.

Who is being U? Them or me?

I agree with you OP. Some people just don’t have the luxury of bulk buying. Spending £3 to save £5 is a bargain if you can afford it- but if you are on a strict budget, your on a strict budget. Spending that extra money might mean going without electric, gas or the like the next week for some people.

I’ve had to live like that. A strict weekly food budget of £20 a week and not a penny over. It’s shit.

Another one to say meal planning for the month and online shop is the way forward.

And yes, many offers come around regularly. There are lots of things that I only buy when on offer, then buy enough to last. I would never pay full price for those products. If I run out in between offers, I have to drop to a lower quality version.

So my approach is to set a budget, fix prices for things, then buy the best quality I can for that price. If you want to try to save more, you can go the other way - set a maximum price you can pay for that thing but always go for offers that are cheaper, so saving money.

"Although there is a point since her licence has been taken from her where she's bulk bought in some anxiety that if I or her dad werent available then she has plenty in."

If it is because of anxiety, it'll take time for her to adjust to not having a licence and that her epilepsy isn't going to impact on her ability to work.

It sounds as though she's coping really well, if she is a Nurse amd Parenting alone, midweek.

The loss of something like a driving licence suddenly makes you realise that you have a serious health condition. So see this as a period of adjustment for her.

She's made a good start, it's just finding what works for her.

Your DH is getting it wrong.

Perhaps now do a list of what's worth bulk buying and when you should consider it worth going for it.

I'm sorry if I've missed it, but is your DH paying for some of these shopping bills for his DD?

Either way, in her circumstances, she absolutely needs to do online shopping. Likewise your DH really. They can still get their "bargains" online!

Just a thought. Is this how she has adjusted to life with epilepsy? The bulk buying and storing in cupboards, or was it something that happened before, which you’re only aware of it now that your DH drives her to the shops? Because if it’s the latter, I would say you probably need to just leave her to it since it’s the way she has always shopped and is happy to. If, however, this is her adjusting to life with epilepsy, I can understand from experience that she might change habits or behaviour but could perhaps use some guidance on other options, such as home deliveries. Whilst you should also always remain positive about her regaining her licence in a year, epilepsy is unpredictable, so focus on the here and now as well. If she hasn’t already got one make sure she gets a free bus pass if she can, so she can nip to the shops for top ups if this is what’s worrying her?

All of this depends on her own discipline in buying bargains that she uses or are essential. My views on keeping to a budget and bargains are:

So do I need it now - y get n dont get and hope offer on another week
If I need it now what can I afford to get without too big an impact - so I may only get two weeks worth etc

I tend to bulk buy bigger/expensive items when I have the money - so washing liquid, loo roll, tea (or coffee) and meat. I also now have only one or two cleaning fluids for all jobs, loo cleaner and then one washing liquid that includes a softner - so reviewing and limiting cleaning and disposables use (like kitchen towel, tissues and loo roll) so tissues I only get if one or other of us has a nasty cold -otherwise loo roll.

What is fundamental is that she needs food on the table so that has to be prioritised - sorry but for me coffee is a luxury and I like coffee, it doesn't fill empty bellies. She needs to have some staples in that create a meal that are always there then in the last week she has something to fall back on. So tinned tomatoes or passata, poss a tin of tuna although they aren't cheap, if kids fish fingers and eggs are good to have as basics. Keep a list of potential meals so when she looks in the cupboard she has a cross reference and knows they are easy and quick meals the kids will eat and fill them up.

But when you have a problem like no food lasst week you have to change some of your behaviours or it becomes a false economy - ie you are saving nothing by buying in bulk as you are out of food.

I would suggest shopping only with cash and try to go to somewhere like tesco with the little handhelds that total your shopping as you go

I also switched to different or own brands on as many products as I could get away with - so flour, sugar, milk, porridge (packs of cheaper oats rather than easy bags etc) as this is more of a saving than bogof offers when the price of the goods is inflated in the first place

Bulk buying is better... with a few caveats. Firstly, that you have enough of a cash flow buffer to cover it. No point stocking up on 12 jars of pasta sauce if you can't afford the mince to go in it or the electric key to cook it. The food budget should be split in 2... weekly essentials, then a separate section for bulk buying offers. Any money saved by bulk buying should be "future banked" building up a bigger buffer to further take advantage of offers. Another caveat is not to buy too much treat food on offer... wine, chocolate, frozen pizza etc... the more you have the faster you'll use it

I was on a very limited budget for the first few years I was a single parent. As I had been living back at my parents for a few months until I got a house of my own, I hadn't any bulk stocks of anything & nothing in the freezer fall back on, plus I hadn't any store cupboard stuff like flour, tinned food, pasta & rice, herbs & spices, sugar etc. I went to Farm Foods & bought as much as I could there, things like breakfast cereal, sugar, tinned beans, soups, tomatoes, a few frozen foods like pizzas, veg, fish fingers, frozen chips, kitchen roll, washing powder & fabric conditioner, washing up liquid. I could fill my car boot completely for around £30, they often have deals for tinned food where you can buy a whole tray for not much more than the price of a multi pack at a larger mainstream supermarket, I stocked up on sauces to make meals, I only shopped at the big supermarket for fresh veg, salad, meat, bread & anything I couldn't buy at Farm Foods. Over a couple of months I managed to completely fill my freezer & build up a stock of cupboard food that meant if I had a week where I hadn't much money I could feed us out of the cupboards & freezer, I also bought "treat" stuff like chocolate, crisps, pop & biscuits in multi packs & put them in a cupboard where DS couldn't find them & if he asked to go to the shop to buy them was able to let him have a treat without breaking the bank, I cooked meals like Bolognese, curry, chilli, stir fry & cooked enough for 4 people then froze half so we had a meal for another day that only needed pasta, rice, potatoes & veg adding. I bought saving stamps from Farm Foods & my big supermarket all year round, just a couple of pounds every week to save towards food for Christmas, often in December I didn't need to spend any cash on food as my stamps paid for everything & the food money was able to be used towards Christmas presents.

Thanks for all the excellent tips, folks.

I've been having a think and to those whom have picked up on the anxiety since the loss of her driving licence, I and the rest of the family haven't examined deeply enough how she has been affected.

No, my DH hasn't been paying for shopping for them. While they are on a tight budget, they do manage with a bit of tweaking here and there. He'll buy treats for the grandchildren like any other grandparent.

It's come to light more since her DH has been away on this contract. Coupled with the loss of her licence, and a 30-hour week job she does, she's been under some strain. Hence why she asked for support. And she sees me meal planning. Her epilepsy has been under control for the last six years, and luckily, the seizure was while she was at work. Her employers have been very supportive. She missed a days medication and bang. Now she's stabilised and returned to work after her OH assessment. So she's been working for a month. Having spoken with her, I think we need to look at going forward for the next ten months (that's if she's allowed her licence back)

As for my DH - I'll sort him out. I think I'll go with her next time. Shopping. They're using the nearest Tesco which I don't use. I use the budget supermarkets.

There are no dietary requirements with the children - luckily.

She's a good basic larder cupboard and as I work away, I often do a couple of dishes extra as the children come to us after school when mum is on a late shift. (10 and 6)

I think, when she was driving, and her DH was away, she'd got into sone sloppy shopping habits. I think also she's had a light bulb moment too in her spending habits and is reaching out for some support. They have no debts, apart from mortgage and are on a decent income between them. Childcare fees are quite a big outgoing for them.

I use my local butcher as he's brilliant for meat packs which are £20. That's a lb of mince, 4 chicken breasts, a piece of beef (topside) 4 burgers (or will swop for something else) and a dozen eggs. I buy my fruit and veg at the greengrocers and a few non perishables from Farm foods and Lidl. All of that takes a few journies in the car. So I'll offer this and speak with DH on his shopping habits which disrupt mine. The swine.

It's an interesting topic though - looking at how people shop. You've all been so helpful and I'll show my DSD this thread.

It's also highlighted that she may be feeling sone deeper anxiety on the loss of her licence. It has impacted her deeply. And she's perhaps struggling with it deep down. Maybe she's not sharing with her dad - he's a bit of a 'it'll be right - I'll help her out' sort of response. Perhaps he needs to look at how he'd feel if he couldn't drive for a while. He'd be a right arse.

Yes their is a schedule of supermarket offers. The offer is actually given by the supplier rather than the supermarket so that s why when Tesco have comfort on offer so will Asda even if the price is different in each store. It is also why most offers are on branded products rather than supermarket own.

I shop by offer and there are certain things I only buy when on offer. I like L,or coffee and a large jar is around £6 but only buy it when on half priced offer and will buy 2 jars to last until the next offer. Same with loo roll, kitchen roll, toothpaste, fabric conditioner etc.
I don’t meal plan but I buy my weekly food by what’s on offer or what is in the reduced trays and what I have left over from previous offers still in the freezer. I always buy my fruit and veg last so I get what will go with the offers I have already found in store.last week I got a pack of beef and a pack of mince and a pack of chicken breasts all from the whoopies fridge so when I got to the veg isle I got a stew pack, mushrooms and onions and a bag of potatoes. Making 3 meals of beef casserole, spaghetti Bol and chicken with jackets. Any left overs were frozen or eaten the next day.
I find meal planning more expensive as you are buying by list rather than offer and on the weeks I can’t find a good offer or any whoopies then I have left overs in the freezer that can be bulked out with staples like soup, jackets, pasta or rice.

Perhaps it may help if you took her shopping with you and not DH so she can see how and where you shop and maybe she will see shopping the way you do, using your butcher and market for everyday things. And then maybe she could use any leftover money to bulk buy her offers she see.

Although I do think some people see offers as a good deal rather thinking whether you actually will use it.

Lots have given you good advice. I bulk buy to save money (we are a one adult, two kids household so my big shop had to he every two or three weeks to make this work) but I do have buffer money so we don't run out. Then I buy more fruit and veg in between.

Tesco is not cheap though in my mind. O find Morrisons cheaper or asda (both deliver where I liv,e) if she doesn't want to use Lidl or Aldi. I find Tesco the worst value of all - I find I can get my shop in for less at Sainsbury's or even sometimes Waitrose as have experimented with all. I usually use Morrisons though.

I have no budgeting advice that hasn't been suggested already, but wanted to say I envy your setup as it sounds like everyone is really supportive and it's plain nice to read this!