To feel a bit unappreciated?

[EyebagsOnLegs]

Its a long one, I need to rant before I burst!!
I had my OH’s babe 10 months ago and look after him and my 10yo almost exclusively. I do all of the cooking, cleaning, appointments, you name it. He helps with the big shop because I can’t drive due to disability, but he complains a lot. If something needs getting in the week that’s up to me too. He’s never done a night feed and has done maybe 5 nappies. I have to wait until he’s ready to watch the baby so I can ask to use the toilet. I prepare lunches and uniforms at fucking midnight holding an unhappy, teething baby. I’ve just gone and got this “grown man” a blanket (from the blanket box, not hiding!) because he was cold.

Please remember though that he had to put a bottom sheet on the bed this evening before his early night of uninterrupted sleep 🙏🏻 1 like = 1 prayer 🙏🏻

I’ve been paying for a gym membership for 3 months that I can’t even go to because he won’t watch the baby for half hour across the road in a cafe, when I’ve promised to come straight away if needed. He goes 3 or more times twice a week and moans if my cooking makes him late 🙃 He blames me for losing his socks and pants so I told him to do his own washing. He doesn’t do it for weeks. And he’s still got no socks and pants - which is still my fault.

He does fucking nothing with the kids and it’s up to me to organise and plan their birthdays, he doesn’t even care to know what’s happening.

All DIY is me too.

He criticises my every move.

I do it all without grumbling. With several chronic illnesses that make just surviving difficult and painful. (Sounds dramatic but very true).

And he’s just informed me that we’re not doing Valentines this year.

Right. What?

I’ll start by saying I’m the least materialistic person on the planet. Lidl have daffodils for 99p and I’d be over the moon with that and a cheap card. Just so I can be thought of for once. I’ve bought his present already. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back with me. He just said it in conversation, casually. I thought he’d think more of me for all I do but I’m clearly unimportant.

Am I unreasonable or am I a fucking mug for allowing it for 5 years?

I'm sorry but what!? You have to ASK him if you want to go to the toilet?

He won't help to look after HIS CHILD?

He does not housework so you just do it all and say nothing...?

I'm flabbergasted. Why do you have such low esteem? Which decade are you living in? Why do you put up with this crap?

Just be single. It would be much easier (and happier).

Life is too short to be willingly treated like a doormat.

As said above, Valentine's Day is the least of your worries.

He absolutely loves the kids but doesn’t want to actually do anything with them or for them.

This statement is very contradictory. If he loved and cared for his children then he would treat you well and spend time with them.

Sometimes I can’t believe what I read on here. He’s abusive and you need to leave him- don’t put your children through this. Has he always been this way? I don’t think I could have had a child with a man like that!

You're his skivvy. You're not in a relationship, he's just using you as a domestic servant. I'm not exactly clear why you had a baby with him if he's been like this for 5 years.

We all have different things that are important to us. For me, it would be that if he gets evenings off, you do too. Either your time and happiness is worth as much as his, or it isn't. And if it isn't, that would be the end of the relationship for me.

Jeez OP, valentines day is really the least of your troubles.
I say this with love LTB.
There is no way back with such a selfish, abusive man.
No ifs no buts.

Although he has been emotionally abusive and threatened to break my wrist in October

Oh... and LTB.

Oh and in regards to your AIBU, YABVVU if you only feel a bit unappreciated.

Dump that sack of selfish shit and get your groceries delivered.

This is grim OP! LEAVE

I lost interest at the bit where you said you got him a blanket. You are complaining about getting him a blanket, but. You got him the blanket.

He moans at you for this, that and the other. You can’t go to the gym. Just TELL him. Take the lead. Don’t sit back waiting for him to offer. Make demands, if he doesn’t comply, tell him it’s a deal breaker and you’re not happy with him. If he wants you to do his washing, or cooking, then you need to go to the gym 3 x a week. Demand he change some nappies. If he doesn’t, put dirty nappies in his gym bag. If you need to go to the loo, TELL him to hold the baby NOW, or you will PEE in his DAMN DINNER. Be angry with him. Be OUTRAGED Don’t take the moaning. Practice saying “WHAT!!!” And “NO!” And “What’s in it for me?”

You have got to be a different person and put a bomb up his backside. You’d be amazed at how a man can change if you don’t let him walk all over you.
Either that, or leave him. Or you will be moaning about him for ever. And setting a really bad example to your DCs.

Sitting in a coffee shop trying not to cry ffs. Not that I am physically able anymore as he told me it’s pathetic so many times. We had a baby because there was a point where it was much, much better.
He’s lied and cheated and threatened and been aggressive. I don’t know why I’m with him. I’ve never done a damn thing wrong to him but fuck me he has deserved it. He’s completely fucked with my head and gotten under my skin. He also recently said “you don’t do as much as you think you do”. I’m disabled and twice he’s called me disgusting derogatory names. I know it’s not good and I know it’s easier without him I’m just stuck. He doesn’t even pay bills or anything.

He doesn't even pay the bills?
That makes it easier for you to dump him then, you won't even be financially worse off.
He sounds awful, imagine how nice a life you could have without him.
You say you've already left one abusive relationship, so you know you can do it.

Please end this relationship. Don't let your kids grow up thinking it's normal to be treated like that

I know it’s easier without him I’m just stuck.

Why do you feel so stuck? If he's not contributing to bills it can't be for financial reasons. Do you rent or own?

What on Earth he treats you like crap , doesn’t contribute financially , won’t care for his child ? What does he do ?

I've read your other threads
You really really really need to leave the bastard
You deserve so much better x

LTB

@mumisalliam do you mind if I ask how you can see them all please as I thought they were hidden. I know I do

He’s called me a piece of shit so nonchalantly several times today. One day I’ll pull my head out of my arse.

Eyebags seriously someone calls you a piece of shit several times a day and hope you hope one day you will get the inclination to to leave or throw him out . Please don’t let your children grow up watching this .

I searched your user name
I know it's easy for us to say but please try and find a way to leave him
YOU deserve better xx