Ds doesnt like school

[whatsthepointthen]

My reception age child hates school, he has been like it since he started. It hasnt improved (despite everyone saying it would) he cries his eyes out every morning and most nights. He refuses to go, begs me not to send him. He says he hates it. I really dont know what to do! Anyone else been through this and how did you deal with It? He has been off at the moment with DV but is due to go back tomorrow but has been pleading with me not to send him. Does it really get better?

This is fairly rare.

Does he like it when he's there?

Why does he say he dislikes it?

Does he have friends?

What does he enjoy when he isn't at school?

It’s worth knowing that a child isn’t compulsory school age until the term after they turn 5. This means they don’t have to be in full time (or any) attendance until this point (orbbeyond if you decided to home Ed).

That said lots of kids are like this for a term or 2 but do settle eventually

What does his teacher say?
My friend’s son is reluctant every morning but the teacher has said within 2 minutes of her leaving he’s happy as Larry, so it’s just the idea of leaving her in the morning that upsets him.

I used to have a little girl in my reception class when I was in teaching practice, that each morning I would be prising her sobbing out of her mums arms, and would have to carry her in, sit her on my lap, and console her for a good 20 minutes. Every single morning. Then after she had calmed down, she would get down and go to her seat, and she would be fine all day. Playing with all the other children, laughing all the time, involved in everything, and she would go skipping out to mum each afternoon. I, the class teacher nor mum could understand the tears in the morning.

The teachers are quite dismissive but speaking with one of them she mentioned how “shy” he was, He isnt shy he is the opposite of shy at home. He says I take too long to come to pick him up, but obviously I come at the same time as all the other parents. He doesnt really say what he dislikes he just says he is there too long and hates it. Its just hard seeing him crying every morning, he even said he wants me to tell the school he died so he doesnt have to go again.

That must be so difficult for both of you, you have my sympathy. How about setting up some sort of little reward system until he adjusts. I used to bring a little treat for my older DS when I picked him up from his reception class. It gave him something to look forward to and showed him I was proud of him for making it thru the day. Or if you're not too keen on sweets, maybe s sticker on a star chart and after awhile he gets to choose a toy or something. I also arranged some play dates with some of the children in his class. It might help him settle as well if he feels he has buddies with him.

I have no advice, but I was like this as a child. I used to cry and beg my mum not to leave me at school. I told her I would stay anywhere/with anyone else, but not school.
I cried every morning and cried repeatedly throughout the day. I had nothing positive to say about school when I was asked why I liked it.

If I did half a day, I was fine. I used to go in, no tears or anything, but a full day was too much. School were great and suggested I did half a term of half days, half a term of full days minus lunch (mum got me for lunch and brought me back) and then the next term, I did full days including lunch at school.

OP, I don't have the answer, but I did eventually settle, as i'm sure your DS will too. I was never fond of school, didn't like the structure of it and still don't like the thought of it now, as an adult.

I do hope he goes in ok today

Well I would be very unimpressed with a teacher not being committed to resolving this. I have two kids and never seen a child stil crying at Christmas. I would be worried the teacher was not warm enough .

In my son's reception year one or the teachers got fired for not being caring enough to the kids ; at an outstanding school ! So it does happen. Please don't assume teacher knows best.

Is he five yet?

If it was me I would remove him from school and delay entry to next September

The school system in the UK is much harder and a longer day at a much younger age than most other countries. In Ireland reception ends at 1pm for example and most countries are kindergarten until six !

If he is unhappy step in and take him out

I would suggest you arrange a proper meeting with the school - what is he like when he's there shy is not enough information to go on...

does he cry all day , does he get involved? does he do anything whilst he's there......
i think you need more info before looking at what to do....

does he eat well/sleep well? maybe keep a food & sleep diary...
my ds was exhausted by reception... and at one stage was going to bed at about 6.30...but he liked it when there....his bf hated going and they struggled to nearly christmas..

did he go to nursery/pre-school - did he like that? dont rush into anything see if you can work out whats underneath it

he maynot be able to articulate it yet...
are tehre other schools you could look at?

My 4yr old has started doing this. Every single day to the point I've had to adjust my work hours to get him there because he's slightly better behaved for me than my husband.

He says it's boring and he hates it. Teacher tells me a completely different story and he comes out happy as larry. It started just before Christmas and I put it down to tiredness.

After Christmas was even worse, screaming and ripping his uniform off, hitting and scratching us when wrestling him into his uniform. Tried everything, punishment, bribery, reward charts etc.
We've had to hand him over at the gate to the head teacher a couple of times in a big angry mess. The school and have said if he's a bit late or even comes in in his pyjamas it's ok but just to get him there.

Touch wood, we seem to have turned a corner this week and he's been better. Hoping he realises that school isn't optional and the tantrums are pointless.

It's really hard when your 4yr old us sobbing that they don't want to go and you want to tell them they don't have too but I know the best thing is to just get them to school as hard as it can be

Sorry my stupid phone doesn't do paragraphs!

If school aren’t helping and discussing tactics to help with you I would be looking to move to another, more helpful/nurturing scjool if possible.

Definitely meet with the teacher and have a proper discussion when they can give you their full attention. You can always ask for the head to be there to and come away with a plan that you can explain to your lo.

I can only imagine a teacher being dismissive about this if you're asking at pick up/drop off time when they're probably running around dealing with lots of questions/children/lost items etc.

Up until after year 2 I was the same.

Hated school and refused to go in. I was a very shy child when not around my own family. I would cry for hours every school day and it wasn’t very productive for me or my classmates.

The school ended up sending me home with whatever work books they were giving that day. I would finish the entire book in one day at home and then be on to the next one. I actually really excelled being at home with study guided by myself and my mum and was very much ahead by the time I went to junior school. On occasional days I would be able to cope with half a day.

The same issues reared their head in secondary school so I ended up going in for timetabled lessons, being allowed to opt out of group work, and going home in between lessons. I passed with very good GCSE’s and A Levels this way.

It might be worth considering if he is really ready for school yet and exploring other options for his education. For some children large groups are just impossible to feel comfortable in. Another year could change that, or maybe a different environment.

There’s no shame in admitting some children need to start later, or that some children just don’t cope in a school environment.

My mum had guidance from a next door neighbour who had home schooled a child, and that would have been the best option for my whole education looking back on it, but it wasn’t possible for my mum in secondary school, she wasn’t educated to a level she felt comfortable with. Me guiding my learning with some input from school was the perfect compromise.

My ds was fine in reception but in year 1 cried every day. Every bloody day. Teachers were lovely, TAs fantastic. But every morning on the walk to school he would get slower and slower. Had to be prised off me every day. But settled within 5 minutes and was absolutely fine. We had no idea why. What made it worse was I was chair of PTA and was in school a lot. Had to hide from him in case he kicked off.
He was fine in year 2.
He is now 20 and oh how we laugh about it now.

he even said he wants me to tell the school he died so he doesnt have to go again.

That's a very unusual and alarming thing for a reception child to say

Other than the school saying he is shy have they spoken to you about how he is during the day, does he continue to cry / not engage in activities and games?

I know it must be difficult to see him so upset as you drop off, but I can't believe for one minute that this level of upset lasts much more than registration. If it was an all day occurrence i'm sure the teacher would have had several meetings with you by now to discuss strategies and ways of helping him settle, as a child crying and that upset all day would be a big concern for them.